where is my
human being?
was i not promised one from the start?
oh lonely, oh patient little heart.
have you not another
human being?
where have they all gone?
oh lonely, oh patient little song.
i, too, am a
human being
but sometimes, when it rains,
and when the world is rough
and strange, just one
human being
is nowhere
near enough.

She was five years old when she first stepped on a plane
The stranger next to her smiled and asked,
“Where are you headed, honey?”
She gazed out the window, smiled and said
“To the one place it doesn't hurt to stare.
I'm going to the moon."
Her mother brushed her hair back gently and whispered to the stranger,
“It must have been so beautiful to be so oblivious, hey?”
And they both laughed discreetly as if she hadn’t heard.

But what they didn’t know
Was that she was always listening
And she knew
That they
Were wrong.

She was struck with sadness when the plane landed
And she found herself standing on the same planet she had left,
She cried for days
That was her first taste
Of true disappointment.

“What is reality?” She would ask her mother
Every night before bed.
“Reality is what you know.
Nothing is as it seems though, baby.
Sweet dreams.” Her mother would say,
As she turned out the light and gently shut the door.

That was her first taste
Of self awareness.

From then on she knew
That she would never again rely
On other people to give her what she needed -
Answers, affection, safety, love.

From then on she knew
That she would always  be dependant on
Everyone she did not know,
Everything she could not touch,
And every place she could not be.

That was the beginning
Of when she split herself in
Two
And it all began
With almost landing on the moon.

A deception.
A declaration sundry will not take seriously,
nor myself.

"I won't do it this time".

But I will, and I'll try,
and again I will cry
when I tally the cost to my health.

False and hollow ardor
freely given,
taste like salt and worn sighs.

Despite my disdain
I join your refrain
and you shift your gaze when I look in your eyes.

the first day i saw you
well it wasn't really the first,
but there was not another time
that i truly looked into your eyes
heard your voice
felt your heart
and knew that i loved you.

you were wearing a blue button-down shirt
that hugged your body so perfectly,
black dress pants
that you were constantly complaining didn't
have pockets.
your socks didn't match, one green and one pink,
but you didn't care.
so young and carefree.

you were beautiful,
though i suppose you still are.
yes, even more so now.
so beautiful.

we were at the coffee shop
down the street
though i can't remember what it was called.
they knew us by name, one of those places you can just
order "the regular"
and they'll add it to your tab.

you were laughing, drinking coffee
we were having so much fun,
and out of nowhere time froze
and it was only us
me and you
our eyes, our hearts, our love.

that was so long ago...
do you remember?

Life, cruel life.
How you torture me.
Giving me hope,
Only to rip it away.

Fate devours my soul.
An empty shell's all that's left.
I cower inside its hole.

I've lost my faith,
Seems it was my destiny.
Fate's vicious attacks,
Skewed my life's normalcy.

I think about it now and then
How it all happened and how it will end
I consider a point from one side to the other
I think of the words we say to each other
Hello and bye and how they formed
Nature, the heavens, and trembling storms
The touch of dawn, that hint of dusk
Birth and death though still unjust
The wanted truth, the horrid lies
How something may appear or its disguise
So think about it now and then but know that somehow it will all end.

I am looking at the moon.
Do you see it too?
Look for my reflection,
As it aches for you.

What will you look like?
Will we cross paths soon?
Until then I wait and wonder,
And gaze at the moon.