I have now moved on.
Or at least I like to think I have.
I no longer feel the urge to contact you, but I must admit I do still long for you to make one final move.
And I know that if you did,
No matter how much your previous silence and unclarity has harmed me,
I would respond with pace and content, simply because you though of me.
Yes.
I do still want this feeling to disappear,
However,
I believe I still cling onto it,
With what little strength remains within me,
For the simple, unexplainable need I have to feel.
Something.
Anything...

Without feeling life is all too dull and unbearable.
Even if this feeling I bear is not necessarily a comforting one,
It is in my opinion, better than the
Empty,
Hopeless,
Excruciating
Feeling



of



nothing.

I was lying in bed when a memory came flooding back to me.
It was a warm summers day and we were taking it all in, on a beautiful, sheltered, Irish beach.
I clearly recall swimming out to that island, knowing you were there.
It was crowded, but I spotted you straight away.
I saw you glance at me through the corner of your eye.
I tried not to look in your direction for fear of you noticing,
But I felt your eyes on my barely clothed body.
I tried my best to stand in some sort of way that would enhance my non-existant beauty.
I stood straight, pushed my hair back and laughed with my friends,
Attempting to pretend you were not all that occupied my mind.
I liked that feeling of you watching me.
It made me feel attractive, powerful even.
And for a brief, glorious moment I felt that you wanted me like I so badly wanted you.