You tell me to get a grip
but I have got nothing
to hold on to.

I lived inside a hope that was birthed inside a promise
that was meant to last beyond when time had forgotten us

In security I breathe the same breath you used to cherish
while hoping in my arms was where you would perish

Now here we are alas and the whole is back to halves
creating a devastating fork splitting our two paths

Only left to wonder where without me you roam
my feet began to wander to a place we called home

Wander to the home I still envision your standing silhouette
staring below at my cold shadow immersed in the tears that I wept.

I will rise up early
and dress myself up nice
and I will leave the house
and check the deadlock twice.
and I will find a crowd
and blend in for a minute
and I will try to find
a little comfort in it.
and I will get lonely
and gasp for air.
and send your name up from my lips
like a signal flare.

and I will go downtown,
stand in the shadows of the buildings
and button up my coat,
trying to stay strong,
spirit willing.
and I will come back home,
maybe call some friends,
maybe paint some pictures,
it all depends.
and I will get lonely
and gasp for air.
and look up at the high windows,
and see your face up there

i will stop writing poetry like a eulogy when you start making me feel alive