that rent will get paid next month
just like it always does
Daddy’s sure to pay it
with a smile, and with love.

Mama’s gonna feed us
she’ll cook us up delights,
even if its rice and beans
or ramen every night.

Daddy’s gonna save us
from this slum we’re livin’ in,
we’ll  all live clean and righteous
instead of daily sin.

Daddy’s coming late tonight,
with liquor on his breath
just know that when he hits us
he doesn’t love us less.

and don’t you cry my darling
don’t you scream and shout
because even if you do
no one will hear a sound.

That is the pain that I have been numbing
The night I shared nestled beneath the sheets
How I wonder who I am becoming—

All those moments add up to be nothing
How quickly, indeed, life’s passions can fade
That is the pain that I have been numbing

To his touch—I am always succumbing
I’m forever drawn back to the same thought
How I wonder who I am becoming

His lips on my neck—ever forthcoming
There’s nothing left between us to be saved
That is the pain that I have been numbing

And yes—I washed the sheets, like any other fling
There’s nothing left of you— or me as well
Oh! I wonder who I am becoming

And with that, not only the sheets did I wring—
Yes—my soul has been left dry and wanting
That is the pain that I have been numbing
How I wonder who I am becoming.

There are some days, that when I look at my life
The days that have drifted by, piling up without care,
It seems as though I am still new to this world.
But we people are so used to conceiving the infinite,
That days number by without wear.

It is strange altogether to think that someday
All that will be left will be my lineage
If I am blessed with that gift at all.
And so I drift from place to place in this world
Wishing to somehow leave a stain:
A note to tomorrow
Lest I not be there again

That day, stop lights flashed, the light show of the night.
Tires squealed in the distance.
Horns and screams: the chirping of city birds.
The streetlights melted yellow into the black sky, like butter in the pan, sizzling with a pleasant fluorescent hum.
Flags fluttered in the nighttime breezes, wilting with none to salute them.

But, I just cannot stop thinking about the way you held your teddy bear that night.
At the tips of your fingers, loose, but not forgotten.
Who would have guessed that would be the last time you would ever hold him?

I am locked in your doll house.
Sitting patiently on tiny plastic furniture that you will never re-arrange again.
I am paralyzed on your twin bed, dressed in purple cotton sheets that almost still smell of you.
It almost feels like you’re here again.
I cannot let go of your voice.
I ***** wildly in an empty world,
not really knowing what I expect to latch on to.
Not knowing what prayers to say to bring you back.

these hot Florida days─
drenched in sweat.
mosquitos buzzing away
their tunes of bellies
full with blood.
nothing can match the power
of humidity on the soul
rushing our bodies into
the haven of the air conditioning
and even then
as we cool off from the heat
we prove our love
with kisses on the cold kitchen floor.

Who was I before this?
I neither know, nor can I say.
The thin line that divides us
Gets farther everyday

And when I look in hindsight
The memories on the shelf,
Seem to belong elsewhere,
Never to myself.

Who then am I?
This girl beneath my skin
The quirky little smile,
The happy little grin.

They’re nothing but a cover,
A facade tall and proud,
Stronger than anything ever read,
Or ever said aloud.

And in the night I wonder
Who it is that I’m becoming,
Or what’s the source of the pain
That I have been numbing