days with you:
like sand in the wind
they slip away.
each gentle touch,
each kiss,
leaves memories on my skin
whispering long after you are gone
that I am never alone

There were the days, dad,
When I thought of us as different
The nights all alone without a shred of paternal guidance,
Maternally smothered, and fostered grown.
And then I saw how very alike to you I am
How my mind doesn’t function—
How I stay up for nights on end
and stay in bed for weeks.
How I am lonely.
And oh—dad—how you’ve trapped me to your fate.
I wish—oh I wish that I could break free of you.
But then, how can the ocean break free of its waves?
You are a part of me, We are the same.

that rent will get paid next month
just like it always does
Daddy’s sure to pay it
with a smile, and with love.

Mama’s gonna feed us
she’ll cook us up delights,
even if its rice and beans
or ramen every night.

Daddy’s gonna save us
from this slum we’re livin’ in,
we’ll  all live clean and righteous
instead of daily sin.

Daddy’s coming late tonight,
with liquor on his breath
just know that when he hits us
he doesn’t love us less.

and don’t you cry my darling
don’t you scream and shout
because even if you do
no one will hear a sound.

So many days now,
hush,
I hardly remember.
The scarce tones
sung so swiftly
from my sweet love.
Her thin waist about my elbow,
her thighs
pressed beneath my chin.
So softly how I once caressed
the thin and delicate neck,
and stroked so gently
the cords of her being.


Those are days long gone.
My fingers now,
curled with the stiffness of age,
are innate appendages,
restages
of their former days,
now limp with the ravages of time.

In my shell I am safe
Within the confines of my limited soul
Each earthly tendency smiles upon my existence like rain.
To tomorrow I know not what I should say
Except for thank you,
That I might live another day.
That I might wake up tomorrow nestled in the covers
Of my sanity
And pray to a God that has guided me
Through many a thick wreath of pain and suffering.
But today is brighter
That I might have hope that I might give hope
And live not in the shadow of illness,
But rather in the sunshine of recovery.

I imagine myself, one of them, some of them.
I break down the shield that keeps me
in the shallow water.
That open vast expanse of you and I
that flows on forever
sliding in and out of boundaries,
of consciousness.
Life beats down upon me, as a hail storm
might beat upon the concrete
its cracks imbedded with the spark of life.
That brown and green of
Soil and its brainchild.
I am so alone and so together;
so very different than what life has become:
reliving and reliving
my experiences.