I've been engaging in the sort of acts
that would give a person with less passion
a heart attack.
It was always beneath the surface and now it has
come to a head; caused a wreck;
thrown everything that never was completely out of whack.
I'm not apologizing for any of it.
In fact, I'm happier than I've ever been.
That is to say,
since before I ever met you.

I'm not sorry for anything I do

There's no going back.
It's all gone off the tracks.
My life has always thrown curve *****:
I've finally learned how to catch.

You're still fumbling over the fast ones.
Yea, good luck with that.

I worried when the worst of them turned out to be the finest warrior.
I hesitated when I contemplated choosing him as the most decorated soldier.
But these peons need a beacon,
and he's the finest specimen we have.
May he lead them on like moths to the flame;
to glory,
fame,
and death.

Glorifying alcoholism is *******.
Putting pain on a pedestal is appalling.
Celebrating mistakes is a travesty.
What's with this obsession with tragedy?
Isn't there some helpline you should be prank calling?

My mom likes to feed the ducks and storks that frequent our lake.
We often refer to her as the "Bird Lady."
They congregate in our backyard, waiting to be fed.
She throws them cereal and dried up old bread.
She's given most of them names.
Whenever one becomes a mother,
she keeps track of the ducklings.
Most of them don't make it.
They fall prey to hawks and cranes.
I can always count on her for an unwarranted update.
"Juliet lost another baby today."
"I don't care."
If they lose them all,
she likes to call them Bad Mothers,
which I find ironic.

This morning, I saw three pelicans in our lake.
I guess there's a first time for everything.
They were white with black-tipped wings.
They were feeding with a sort of unexpected grace.
They'd dunk their heads then come back up with something in their long orange beaks.
The bottom of which would shake. All loose and leathery.
After they had their fill, they flew off in unison.
One after the other,
like one, two, three.
And afterwards I thought,
"**** swans."

It's funny how the sound of a cricket can bring on feelings far beyond it ever intended.
I heard you can tell the temperature from it.
Toads are in high demand when everybody wants to lick them.
I heard Salmonella cases went up in percentage after the release of that Disney film.
It's funny how much of an influence one frog-kissing princess can have.
The media is like a bad disease that everybody has.
If I were a prince,
then I'd pass laws to rinse our culture of it.
If I had magic powers,
then I'd used them to silence those who abuse it.
Animate an army of brooms to wash it clean.
I realize I'm infected too,
but don't you see?
That's exactly what I mean.

You don't even live in a world that I visit.
Seen only on postcards,
and heard through second-hand descriptions.
I think I saw a commercial for it once on television.
People were splashing and swimming in crystal blue water.
The kind that makes you want a drink
when you're not even thirsty.
I'm fine where I am, thanks.
Go ahead and desert me.

You give me answers to questions I never even asked.
Why do you do that?
It's as useful as knowing something bad's about to happen,
just after the fact.
I've never been there before, so how could I go back?
This feels like a joke taken too seriously -
not even good for a laugh.