Help me understand. Help me come to a conclusion. Why I am the way I am.
Help me decipher my inner thoughts. Help me find a way to survive in this place.
Help me figure out what I mean. Help me realize what I need. Help me get through this.
Help me get out of here. Help me.

I cannot fight the war from the inside.
I cannot get my point across from behind enemy lines.
I cannot get around my mind.
Cannot decide a ******* thing for myself.
There are always a million other people
weighing in, screaming their opinions...
Whispering in serpent tongue
paranoias and red flags.
pointing out every little thing
that means nothing, really.
but in that moment
with a million voices
my world falls down.
my heart caves in.


I am not one person.
I understand if this is hard for you to grasp.
I understand if I am too much for you.
I am too much for a lot of people.
Nothing with me is easy,
Everything is a battle.
Inside and out.
between me and me
me and you
me and her
me and him
me and us
me and them.
Everything
is
a battle.

exhausting.

at the end of a typical day
I've gone through a dozen wars
a hundred second thoughts
a thousand put downs
a million arguments
just with my self.

I'm having just a little trouble
figuring myself out
hearing my voice above the others
thinking clearly.

I'm tired of listening.

The world’s light shines, shine as it will,
The world will love its darkness still.
I doubt though when the world’s in hell,
It will not love its darkness half so well.

I’m afraid of tomorrow, so let me run
Freeze the rotations of the moon and the sun.
Grab all the hands of the clocks and hold tight.
Forget the distinction of morning and night.
Pretend there’s forever in what’s left of today,
That if we start running we’ll be able to stay.
Say our mistakes were all perfectly planned,
That someday again we can walk hand-in-hand.
Pray that each step has a foot in the past
And we’ll live every day like we know it’s our last.
Make me believe that your lies were all true,
That someday we’ll look and the sky won’t be blue.
Tell me the fears that I have aren’t for naught.
Pretend there’s success in each battle we fought.
Whisper that I won’t get lost in life’s games.
Promise my dreams won’t all die in the flames.
Sever the debts to the future we owe,
And run down a path that we swore not to go.
The sunrise is coming, so I’m starting to run,
And stop all the clocks before our time’s done.
Grab onto the moon so we can make the night last
So tomorrow is never, and today is the past.

I loved a girl once, she had long dark hair.
She could draw, I watched her draw wrinkled faces.
She kept her mattress on the ground, her tongue in the air,
And with the mattress, and the tongue, we went to new places.
It was weird, which I liked, romance was boring.
She'd chew on my jaw and I'd spit in her eye.
No request for sensation was worth ignoring,
We were all *** for tat, we were high for high.
Then she left, as she would, and I felt fine.
I mean, I felt like ****, but I kept this in mind:
I still have those days, and those days are mine,
And I have other dark haired girls to find.
       Now that she's gone, my drink's all that's near,
       But that's okay too, I can spit in my beer.

i want to be the sidewalk under her soles
the gum in her hair
that dark slick of mascara.

i want to breathe the world from her lungs
settle into her bones and
feel it through her fingers.

there is a perfect mauve i picture on her nails.

so yeah i guess i have a type.
dark hair glasses a threat or two-
enough mystery to keep me busy.
and yeah i should have warned you about my
wandering eye.
temperamental.


but it’s not like you’re real when you’re gone

Do people really enjoy feeling like this?
I would like these memories to dry with the kisses you left on my neck,
But my skin is starting to absorb them.
I would appreciate it if these feelings would float away with the breath you blew in my ear,
But I would never be so lucky.
You left butterflies in my tummy,
I can feel them starting to rot.

Once I read this quote
about how quiet people
have the loudest minds.

Now,
and only now
do I know what was meant by this.

I sit there while you talk.
Just sit and listen.
A little nod, a silent sound
of consent.
That's all you'll see from me.

Because I'm not a talker.
I'm the one who listens.
Attentively. Tireless.
An open ear
for everyone's problems
musings, thoughts.

And I don't complain
or give advice
I don't argue
or deny

I will just sit there
subtly smiling,
gathering my thoughts
inside my mind

And you are grateful
for that someone
who listens and cares
without judging

But ask me once
on my view, my experience
I will start slowly,
trying to hold back
on all the things unsaid.
tiptoeing around
so as not to drown you

And finally it will overthrow
my discipline
and words, letters, stories
start flowing out my mouth
passing the barriers that
have so long retained them.

And I'm afraid it might easily
crush you
because there's so much within me
that wants to be said
and so very few people ever taken the time
to listen.