and then suddenly i couldn't survive without you
i needed you like i needed air to breathe

you were my oxygen
but i was your monoxide

you tell people we were together a month,
two weeks,
a day,
it was only a fling,
but my mind tells me,
we were together long before
and long after,
because i loved you from the moment i met you
and even after the moment you left

the thing is, brown eyes are just brown eyes
that is until you love somebody, with brown eyes

i used to think brown an ugly colour
i often associated it with things like dirt, or rotting wood
in the end, i declared brown my least favourite colour

then i met you

when i looked into them, i no longer considered brown ugly
i began to associate the colour with beautiful things
like cups of coffee, sweet chocolate and forests
i saw my life in shades of brown with you

i think what im trying to say is that
your eyes are beautiful
and brown is now one of my favourite colours

we were both liars
she pretended she cared
i pretended i didnt
the only difference is, that only one of us got hurt

have you ever missed someone so much that complete strangers can start to look like them
i could be anywhere
it could be anyone
but i never stop seeing you

they say it won't matter in a month, a year, maybe ten
but what happens if it does
what happens if a year later my heart still aches at the sound of your name
then what

you don't deserve me
in fact, you never did

i spent my whole life believing that you were too good for me
if only i had realised sooner
it was me
that was always too good for you

i think once you've thought about how a person sleeps
how they would feel pressed up against your back, or your head on their chest
how compatible your bodies would be, curled up together in their bed
once you've thought about that, you're ******

maybe thats the moment i realised there was no getting over you
or at least one of many

sometimes i rearrange my pillows at night to mimic the shape of your body
neatly fitting into each and every one of my curves

because in my arms i know that you are safe
im safe too
from the pit of sorrow that once i met you replaced the monster that time ago lived under my bed

i open my eyes to realise the fabric that is now encased between my arms may never be replaced by you
images of you, lay comfortable in arms that are not mine, entwined perfectly beside the figure of somebody else
i can feel my eyes welling up, water flooding the inside of my brain

because once you've thought about how a person sleeps
how they would feel pressed up against your back, or your head on their chest
how compatible your bodies would be, curled up together in their bed
once you've thought about that, you're ******

you forgot about me, and im trying to be okay with that

do you think its easy for me to see you when im out trying to buy enough food for the next week because im too upset to leave the house

or when i have to sprint past your window whilst im out for a walk to clear my head because im afraid ill catch a glimpse of what we could have had

if i didnt revolve my life around trying to avoid you at all costs, i would have to go through the pain of seeing your face for the first time since you left, your smile breaking what is left of my heart

inside though, i am certain i know what would hurt the most

its not the fact my eyes might lock with yours for a second longer than they should

or the fact i might see you with him, his hands around your neck where i invision mine to be every night before i go to sleep

but its the fact you wouldn't even recognise me anymore

you forgot about me, and im trying to be okay with that