All sweet deceits
and false impressions
of the devil

Misguiding the innocent
laid content behind the falling wall
enticed by the glamour of the sinking ship
profaning the throne of the divine servant

Compelled to go and spell
the gospel of the Messiah
sacrificing eternity for
fleeting moments of the witty absurdity

Fame, future
usury and power
all shall fade and disappear
and all those who devoted themselves
and chose to lean against the falling wall
shall fall along

Indeed
Those who exalted themselves will be humbled
and those who humbled themselves will be exalted

Fell in love
Before the due season
Before the rise of the harvest moon
Watching the growth
Of the crops
The season long
In warm and cold nights

Breathing love pure
Like a Shepherd to his lambs
Scaring trespassers away
Down by the river banks

I’ve been the enemy of the sparrow
A friend of a numb heart

Like a scarecrow
I stood lonely with my arms open
To wrap them around your flesh
It’s been a long time coming
Donkey’s years went by
And I haven’t reap
From the grains

And the fields are dry and empty again
I’m still waiting
Like a fisherman
In the desert
Unrequited love
I’m just a scarecrow

and my arms are still open
crucified

The language of gestures
Left me wandering in cold captures
With my soul stranded
Standing in the sea shore
Watching you riding woeful waves
Crossing the ocean of anguish
Swimming towards the cold moon
Perhaps a tomb will be your home soon
We both thought death shall do us part
But deceits fed you with  forbidden fruit
To spite your warm heart

As
Silent words were articulated loud and clear
In the atmosphere
Severely rending my heart apart like a rifle spear
Still I remained calm and sincere
Trying to conceal my pain and fear
In that silent disastrous storm

They mingled with their eyes and fingers
Nodding their heads furtively
Behind my back
Unaware that my eyes were listening
My eyes cought you in adultry
And my mind wanted to stone
your heart
But, who am I?
Because I have sins too

And the memories
Of yesterday disappeared
In a blink
Like today should be the first chapter of Genesis
Perhaps it’s just a queer neurosis
Of imaginations
That tells me
Nothing existed yesterday, or
Maybe she was just a beautiful mermaid
Of the wander land
And now she is gone
And gone forever

I lie awake at night
Soaking my pillow with tears
With the phobia of falling in love again
That has brought me eerily nightmares
Ever since you left
The winter night is long and cold
My heart suffers the pain of old
As this loneliness wrinkles my soul
I feel so suffocated in this darkness
My soul wanders alone
In the valley of my miseries
Under the dim light
Of the cold moon in these sleepless winter nights
I am dying of living with these
Horrific frightful fears
Of falling in love
With the lost soul of Mona Lisa
While you still exist
In the depths of my erratic queer imaginations
You have been gone for an eternity now
I stare at your depiction to soothe my heartache and soul
Hoping to eye your flesh some night again
When the evening dusk swallows the sun-rays
Shading the grey sky with the darkness
My mind sadly invokes our good memories
When we used to sing and dance together
Today I dance alone with your shadow
In the rhythm of a sad silent song
When we used to laugh together
Today I laugh alone with the echo
Of your voice dancing under the cold  caves
Of my mind while uttering silent words
Will this be a lifelong loneliness?

I was once bullied, beaten
Burned and buried
With sneering slurs

I was an introvert
I gave them love
My compassion
I gave them all I had
They took advantage of me
And still I kept giving
And they took everything
And left me with nothing else to give
But hatred

I was afraid to say no
I felt feeble to stand my grounds

They made fun of me
My ragged garbs
And I could only watch them
Having fun amusing each other
Ripping my soul apart
My heart full of scars
Moaning in sorrow

They made me hate school
I was afraid to raise my hand
And
Ask when I did not understand
Afraid to do presentations and orals
And I failed…Morons
I called them friends
My Classmates

Yet
They filled me with vicious resentment
Burning in my chest
My eyes bleeding Vengeance
My breath became a feral windstorm
Terminating my feelings
I saw nasty curs when I grimaced at them
I tortured and killed insects
Burning them alive because all I could see
Were their evil faces
And I was killing myself
All along

Along the road I forgave them
And started to hate myself
For being a victim of cowardice
I have no one to blame
But myself
They did not chain my hands
Or latched my mouth
I was a coward
I couldn’t man up and defend myself

Or
Maybe I wasn’t scared of them
But
I was scared to become one of those undisciplined
Oaf minded juveniles

You shouldn’t disguise your actual self
To look better
To conform with friends
I am who I am
Not who they want me to be
I trashed myself more than they did
And I have learned my lesson

When we drown deep in fortune and money
We forget who brought all the honey
Yet
When we drown deep in life crises
That’s the only time we remember who Christ is

I was on my way home from work
Before I could open the door
I heard someone screaming
I went in and saw a man lying down on the floor
Blood all over his torso
A broken vase near his head also

Pretty had Angela on her left arm
And a knife on her right hand
“He is dead” she screamed
“Who is he?’ I asked
“He is dead… he is dead”

I had to think fast
And make a plan to save my family
Angela was only two years old
So I have to sacrifice for my family
And take the bullet

I speedily called Frank
A friend of mine
From Rwanda,
But now his family moved to Swaziland
So I called him
Before I could call the cops
To come over and take Pretty and Angela
To her uncle’s house
I asked Pretty to take a quick bath
While we waiting for frank
Frank came in a blink

And I was left alone terrified
With a strange man’s corpse
I took a deep sigh and called the cops

After spending three weeks in trial
I was prosecuted life
For homicide
In Cape Town’s maximum security prison
As I went to the cell
Walking on the red carpet of blood
Leading my soul to perdition
Inmates yelling at me like
Vultures in the sky seeing a prey
I was fearless
Because my heart was numb
My life became hell in prison

There were screams
Wailing and moaning
Every night in those cold cells
And I had no choice but to adapt
In prison life

Pretty never came to visit
But she wrote me letters
And sent me Angela’s pictures
That made me pray every day for parole
So I could see my little angel growing
But time went by with no luck
Four years came and pass by
And now it’s been three months
I haven’t receive any letters
From Pretty

I wrote a letter to Frank
Asking about my family
And he didn’t reply
Not knowing whether he received the letter
Or he is just ignoring me
And that made me fret alone
Maybe I was a fool to take a bullet
Maybe this was a setup
Between Pretty and Frank
Why did he came so fast when I called him?
Or maybe frank knew about this man
What about my angel ?…Angela

And I soon suffered nervous system problems
My mind was distracted
And I had to see a neurologist
And psychologists
To help my problem
I had to attend support groups in prison
And that’s where
I heard worst cases than mine
And I began to understand the world
And it's human beings

After fourteen years in prison
My prayers were answered
I was given a parole
And I was sent home
It was a life time relief
I couldn’t wait long to see my family
After so many years apart from one another

I went home
A town looks different
So many changes out here
We got the address but the house was sold
We found a man and his wife and they seem to be old
I asked about Pretty or Angela
But no one knows them
“Who did you buy this house from” I asked
“Frank… from a guy called Frank
He had to go back home” they said
I felt down, but I had to do something to find frank
Because I need answers …I need my family

So I went to one of my friend who was a truck driver
For more than twenty years
He usually drove to all South African bordering countries

After two long weeks, we drove to Swaziland
And we find Frank home
With his parents, siblings
And a pregnant teenage girl
With a familiar resemblance
It felt like a déjà vu
Asked frank in private
He came out and handed me a letter
To read

Dear Innocent
I know how much you love me
And how much you love Angela
I’m sorry you had to go through hell
For my sin
My life is hell too... of guilty conscience
Secrets that I kept from you
And I couldn’t dare
To face you in jail, knowing that
I’m the one who should be there
I’m sorry I lied
I could have stopped you from taking the bullet
But I was terrified

A man that I killed was my onetime boyfriend
He was Angela’s father

Suddenly the blue sky became dark
My eyes became bleary
I couldn’t read any further
I felt cold and exhausted
My veins became weak and weary
My senses went numb
My joints became loose
I couldn’t help myself I cried
My soul was petrified
Memories of life in jail
Came back to my mind

And Frank said “Pretty committed suicide
Seven years back”
“Where is Angela” I asked

He glanced to my rear view
I turned around and I saw a pregnant young girl
With her mother’s resemblance
Tears fell down her face and I gave her
A hug…and asked
“Where is the father?”

She also glanced at my rear view
I slowly turned around again
Frank looked down in shame
I couldn’t get any angry
I was weak for anger
And I left for a walk
To cool my mind
And Angela followed me

I promised that I will love her
And take care of her
No matter what the circumstance
And now its time to keep that promise
She is still my little angel
And always gonna be my innocent pretty angel