Last night I dreamt of you again.
A lingering gaze and the hand
That slides,
Too far,
Down a back.
I dreamt of a grin.
Mischievous.
Shared only between us two.
Of blushing cheeks that long
To feel the graze of fingertips
And lips that quiver with loneliness.

As I lay my head on your chest each night
I wonder if Adam’s heart beat the same way,
When Eve pressed her ****** body against his
Both of them dreaming - secretly- of heaven.
I wonder if Isolde kissed Tristan like I kiss you;
Drinking from him, as if their passion
Would douse hell’s fires instead of fuel them.
I wonder if Paris looked at Helen the way you look at me;
As if the world started and stopped in her eyes
And everyone’s fate hung from the curve of her lips.
I wonder if Samson was as trusting as you readily are
When Delilah tied him to the kitchen chair
And cut his strength away from him.
And as we drift off to sleep,
Hearts beating in (almost) perfect time,
I wonder if we are as doomed
As history’s great lovers-
If tragedy and true love are as intertwined
As we are between my sheets.
And while I know my dreams will be full
Of Prince Charmings that look like you,
I can never remember if the endings,
Always slipping away like sand through my fingers,
Are written by Disney, or the Brothers Grimm.

I never believed in love at first sight;
But I do believe in love at first touch,
Of your hand on my knee.
I believe in love at first breakfast,
Even if it’s just bacon and coffee.
I believe in love at fist dinner, too,
But breakfast has always been more important, anyway.
I even believe in love at first joke,
Even if you don’t think mine are as funny as I do.
I never believed in love at first sight
Because, my dear, how could I have known,
With just a simple glimpse,
The way your touch would stir my heart.
The way your voice would woo my mind
And your laugh send shivers down my spine.
The way your smile
Would lighten my creamless coffee.

It’s raining,
And I wish you were here.
Because, and I know it’s cliché,
But I’m falling a lot harder
Than this rain, and dear,
It’s torrential here.
But these sheets of rain
Remind me of the sheets we share,
And I’d just as quickly
Wrap myself up in them
If I thought you were in there, too.
It’s 101° there.
But here it’s raining.
And I miss you.

From one
Who says, “Don’t cry.
You don’t want them to know”

And two
Who tells you
It’s your fault anyway.

To three
Who pretends that
You were old enough to consent.

And four
Who asks, “Was it
Really ****? I think you came.”

To five
Who doesn’t like that you said no,
So he ties you down
And does it anyway.

And six
Who grabs you by the throat
And tells you, “Stop fighting,
I’ll make you feel good”.

To those who think it’s good - yes -
Some think they’re doing you a favor

And they’ll tell you that
You want it
And sometimes you almost,
Almost , believe it.

Thank goodness there are numbers
Higher than one, two, three,
And, yes, even six.

Thank goodness they are not
All the same.

And thank goodness
Thank goodness
We can put ourselves back together
Without them.

The smell of tulips will forever be
Inextricable from that of cheap *****,
And I'll never quite be able to enjoy the taste
Of jelly thumbprint cookies without
Tonguing the teeth you knocked out
The first time we made them.
And I've always preferred open kitchens
So I don't have to think about how many times
You broke the door to ours.
And while I wish we spoke more-
I still remember when mouths were fists,
And words broke bones.
And though I know its in the past,
I still see the glint in your eyes
When a bottle goes by.
Time has healed our wounds;
My adult teeth replaced the gaps,
And you always replaced the door the next day.
We laugh freely now, and the tulips still grow
In the garden on your balcony.
But I'd be lying if I told you
That I can't still see the scars,
Or that the fear doesn't still linger
In our silent moments.
That sleeping with a knife under my pillow
Didn't start when you were still tucking me in.

Grief is the thing with feathers.
The thing in the rafters, dancing,
Just beyond my fingertips.
Grief is the thing in my bed.
The thing with strong arms
That refuse to hold me.
Grief is the thing with fur.
The thing winding itself about my legs,
Tripping me as I walk.
Grief is the thing in yellow.
The thing that's shining, mockingly,
Without keeping me warm.
Grief is the thing in the mirror.
The thing that looks like me,
But moves without me, still.

Lights off.
Hands fumble for hearts
Missing, slightly, every time.
Grabbing.
Groping.
Never quite hitting targets.
Bodies intertwined,
But not interlocked.
Lips slipping,
Landing on cheeks
And noses instead.
Eyes scan,
But never meet.
Attempting,
Not achieving.

My head is aching
And full of you
My heart's not quite breaking,
But God, it's painful, too.
When I think of what we've left unsaid
My stomach starts to turn
And with every memory of your bed
My eyes begin to burn.
My hands are at a loss for words
When they can't find yours to hold
And with your voice so long unheard
My ears feel lost and cold.
Each winter storm feels longer
Each summer, much less warm.
Each night the black is stronger
Each star has lost its form.
Mondays feel more blue,
Though every day is black and gray,
You took my rainbow with you
Every time you walk away.
I will my heart to forget
I will my mind to rest
I will my hands not to fret
And remind myself that,
For me, you may not be the best.

I’ve heard your same seven stories half a hundred times
And I must have told you at least 50 of mine,
Although it seems like you’ve forgotten.
When you asked if you were laying too close
I felt my heart drop,
Again.
Of all the times I’ve offered my heart
And you’ve stood and watched it fall apart
Somehow that was the worst one-
Laying in your bed I’ve grown to know,
Realizing that you've let me go.

One day you won't need love anymore
You'll wake up to your alarm, instead of love's siren song.
Your head will make decisions, not your heart.
You'll laugh and smile, carefree.
The sun will shine.
One day you won't need love anymore.
You won't want or be wanted.
The fall leaves will be a little less bright,
You'll find less warmth on a winter night.
One day you won't need love anymore.
The songs won't sound the same.
You'll have less joy, but still, less pain.
Your heart won't break, but it'll beat less too.
One day you won't need love anymore,
But my dear,
You'll wish you did.

I put my hand on your knee
Silently, with every laugh,
Hoping you'd catch my hint.
You offered me a ride
To my too close car,
Hoping I'd catch yours.
And because I get a sense of deja vu
Every time you're in the room,
I wasn't surprised when you kissed me.
"Thats enough for now".
You walked away,
With my heart wandering after you.

I am from New Jersey.
From the paradise of small towns
And the inferno of concrete jungles.
I am from truck tire playgrounds,
Porch Clubs, and the whistle
Of the Riverline.
I am from divorce.
From alcoholism and denial,
From broken doors and hearts.
I am from next to hell.
From pouring out full forties
For one's homies passed away.
From too many candlelight vigils
And sidewalks littered with fourth grade pictures.
I am from the garden state.
From cows, corn, and Clinton,
And tractors in the parking lot.
I am from tradition.
From pasta and seven fishes,
From "Mafiosa!" screamed in the streets
And "No WHOPs" pasted on storefronts.
I am from love.
From three parents and four siblings,
From six dogs and duplicate holidays,
And the smell of tulips and holly.

I've lost so many things, my dear,
My head, my heart, my soul
I've lost my present, my future, and all times of old.
I've lost so many things to you,
My dignity, my patience, my love,
You took my time, my passion, and just a single glove.
I lost 3 pairs of socks to you, a toothbrush, and some more
I've left at least 2 pairs of pants on your bedroom floor.
You took my favorite sweatshirt and my favorite song,
You've even stolen my sleep, keeping me up all night long.
I've lost so many things to you,
My blood, my pride, the color blue.
You've taken so many things from me,
The sun, the moon, the sea.
You've taken so many things,
My dear, why won't you take me?

Nightmares become reality.
The monsters leave your closet,
Crawl out and join you in your bed.
And once you let them in, dear,
They'll infest your head.
Nightmares become reality,
You believe them 'til they're true
And before you even notice, dear,
They've engulfed you.
Nightmares become reality,
As real as you and I.
They manifest themselves in front of you
And, dear, they break your heart.
Nightmares become reality so, please, have very few.

"I'm sorry, I forgot again",
My heart says to my brain.
"I'm sorry I forgot again,
I didn't mean to cause you pain".
"I'm sorry I forgot
I've never learned the ways of thought.
I'm sorry I forgot,
He's always been my soft spot".

I've never felt such freedom
As walking barefoot down the lane
Letting my lungs fill with lightning
And my heart the smell of rain
My footsteps echo with the thunder
My hands tangle with the sky
Yes I know the storm is coming
And my dear it is I

I do believe in ghosts,
And how they linger on street corners.
How they leave invisible kisses
On the cheeks of their mourners.
I do believe in ghosts,
Even ones who aren't dead,
Who are just ethereal memories
Playing tricks with your heads.
I do believe in ghosts
Who aim to help and hurt.
Hopefully I'll be one too,
When I am buried in the dirt.

Rotten milk spills,
Covering the floor,
The stench stays for weeks,
Til you can't stand it anymore.
Rotten milk spills,
It rolls out in chunks.
It makes your stomach curdle,
As it did weeks ago.
Even when you've cleaned it
The memory remains.
Rotten milk spills, my dear,
And there's nothing you can do.

"I didn't mean to break it" he said,
Holding my heart in his hands.
"I didn't mean to break it
I swear it wasn't my plan".
He held my mangled heart out,
Unsure of what to do.
"I didn't mean to break it,
But I don't have any glue".
I watched him let the pieces drop
And bounce around the floor.
"I didn't mean to break it,
But I don't love you anymore".

I jumped,
Thinking you would catch me.
When I fell for you
I fell to my death.

I was seventeen when we first met,
Pushed together by fate.
You kissed me on the cheek,
I felt the weight of your lips for weeks.
At nineteen you serenaded me
With that silly little song,
I still listen to it all the time,
Remembering how our voices sounded intertwined.
Now that you have kissed me
My heart is fully thawed.
I desire you forever mine
If you, my dear, are so inclined.

Even with 218 miles between us,
I still feel your lips on mine
And your hand
On the small of my back.
Your whisper travels highways
To flutter softly in my ears
And I can see your eyes twinkle,
The two brightest stars in my sky.
Even with 218 miles between us
I still feel your heart beat,
In perfect time with mine.

I was not starving,
Until I tasted you.
I have been ravenous ever since.

I love your lips when,
They are still wet with the taste of mine;
My dear I love your skin,
When you and I are intertwined.

I love your bright eyes,
Full of passionate fire.
And the way you light up my skies
At your simplest desire.

A tender love is not for me.
I do not want chocolate or flowers.
I need my own dead sea,
Who can keep me afloat for hours.

I love you and your fiery heart.
My dear, when can our eternity start?

You have stars behind each eyelid,
And galaxies in your bones.
You are my world,
My whole solar system;
My north, my south, my east, and west
My rising sun and my nightly rest.
I orbit you,
Forever trapped in your gravitational pull.

I have dreamt of you every night
Since I first felt the weight of your lips on mine.
To my heart's delight,
It seems like the universe's design,
For you and I to be together
Forever intertwined in love.

And so I found you dear,
With kindness in your eyes and fire in your heart.
Covering my love for you with thin veneer,
Pretending I didn't feel the kick start,
When I stared into your eyes
And felt our souls unite.

I have loved you for many years,
Even before I knew your name.
Your heart has called to mine for eons,
Whispering sweet nothings in my ears.

I have searched for you for lifetimes,
And been disappointed at every turn.
For no one I've met in any life
Has ever been half as sublime.

Now I've lost myself in you,
My gypsy heart has found its home.
You're the north star I've been drawn to,
There's no one else I want to pursue.

I'd hang a dreamcatcher above my bed,
If I thought it would keep you out of my head.
Because I've wondered, since age eighteen,
About all the things that might have been.
Unsure, I have tread lightly,
Though your lips haunt me nightly.
I awake, hopeful but unsure,
That I crossed your mind the night before.
And I am haunted by how real your lips seem,
Because I know you are just a dream.
I'd hang a dreamcatcher above my bed
If I thought it would keep you out of my head.

I do not believe in
Love at first sight,
I know I have
Seen you before,
And I do not just
Mean in my dreams.
I do not believe in
Love at first sight,
I know I have
Loved you before,
Maybe in some
Long lost past life.

I know I have
Kissed your lips before
And got lost in
The light in your eyes.
I know we have
Danced on a thousand floors
Hopping, skipping, stumbling,
Again and again into each other's lives.

I do not believe in
Love at first sight,
I saw you first
Millennia ago.
I do not believe in
Love at first sight,
I've loved you more times
Than the world can ever know.

You look so pretty in your glass house,
Stones in hand.
You look so silly in your glass house,
Thinking you could withstand
All the gasoline
Burning up those bridges you built.
I guess when you were fifteen
You weren't thinking about all this guilt.
You look so silly with that little kettle,
Making fun of the *** behind her back.
Those words stinging her like nettles,
Until, finally she cracks.
You look so mean standing there
Ruining lives without care

For months now I've suffered,
Being unable to forget you.
Now I have realized
I do not want to.

I was struck with deja vu,
As you took my hand in yours
And spun me, from my dreams,
Out onto the dance floor.
Our eyes locked,
As they must have once before
And your body pressing against mine,
Once again, made my heart soar.
I swear we've lived this moment
Half a million times
Though some of those were in my dreams
And another 30 in my rhymes.
My dear, I hope this dance never ends.
I hope that midnight bell never chimes.

I fell for you,
With all your beautiful tattoos,
And those stupid snakebites.
I fell for your strange voices
And your radiant smiles.
I fell for you,
The way one falls
For a stranger on a subway.
Even though I knew
I'd never see you again,
I fell for you.

I cannot keep watering dead flowers.
I cannot keep tangling with powers
Way beyond my ken.
I cannot keep hoping for more.
I cannot keep fighting this war
And losing all over again.

As much as I miss you, dear,
I cannot keep watering dead flowers,
Not even an IV can save them now.
Why I'm still trying is unclear,
But I've been giving CPR for hours,
Trying to save this somehow.

I cannot keep watering dead flowers.
I cannot keep tangling with powers
Way beyond my ken.
I cannot keep hoping for more.
I cannot keep fighting this war
And losing all over again.

If I could write you a song
To make you fall in love
I would already have exhausted
Every existing note
And created some new ones just for you.
I'd master every instrument
And grow extra arms
So I could serenade you
With a symphony just half as beautiful as your soul.
If I could write you a song
To make you fall in love
I would already have exhausted
Every combination
Of our twenty-six letters.
I'd master every language
And grow extra tongues
So I could serenade you
With a symphony just half as beautiful as your soul.
If I could write you a song
To make you fall in love
It'd be a duet
Because you play too
And I don't like how my voice sounds
Without yours accompanying it.
We'd play together
So we could serenade each other
With a symphony just half as beautiful as our love.

I never believed in love at first sight;
But I do believe in love at first touch,
At first handshake.
I believe in love at first word,
Both uttered and sang.
I believe in love at first laugh
Shared over an awful cup of coffee.
I never believed in love at first sight
Because my dear how could I have known,
With just a simple glimpse,
The way your touch would stir my heart,
The way your words would woo my mind,
And your song, send shivers down my spine.
The way your laugh could sweeten my burnt coffee.
I never believed in love at first sight,
But, my dear, I believe I love you.

My heart pulsed
When he walked into the room,
The way it only used to do for you.

Something in the way he moves,
All I can do is stare.
Something in the way he moves,
Oh God, it isn't fair.
Something in the way he sings
Calls my heart to him.
Something in the way he sings
Fulfills my every whim.
Something in the way he shows me
The beautiful ways he loves,
Something in the way he shows me,
That he was sent from up above.
Something in the way he moves me
Sings my broken heart to sleep.
Something in the way he shows me
That he is mine to keep.

Madmen and lovers have such seething brains
Inspired and insipid they feel their pains
Madmen, their imagination bleeding into fact
Lovers, past the point of no turning back
Inspired to create anew
Insipid in what they are required to do
Madmen and lovers dream the same dreams
They know nothing is as it seems

I don't sling rock I sling rhymes
Though it's not illegal it's still a crime
Cause my words leave you wounded
Not from bullet holes but ears you bled
Cause you know the truth hurts
So everyone averts
Their ears and their eyes
And buy into the lies
Cause they're easier to swallow 
Than that cold ammo
That plagues my streets
And defeats
The home I once knew
Til nothing is true 
Cause that needle in your arm
Isn't doing just you harm 
This city's in our veins
And with all our aches and pains
It draws into one heart one head
So for each man falling over dead
We lose a critical piece 
Of what makes us unique
And fall into the stereotype 
That we're nothing beyond a crack pipe
But I've been this city 
I've seen what makes it pretty and gritty 
I've seen the truth in its heart 
I've seen the truth in our art
That's created this Eden 
But off that apple we've been feeding
Now we've fallen so far
It seems like we'll never even reach par
But in this ghetto I live
Hoping to see it learn to forgive
It's mistakes and my own 
So we can return to our rightful throne

I have romanticized hotel beds.
As a kid, I called the concrete home,
And nothing was better than a hotel bed.
My brother and I would fall like Icarus
Onto the feathery home as we said,
"There's nothing better than a hotel bed".
They were our trampolines, our forts
That protected us from the horrors we knew
And in that hotel bed we were nothing short
Of limitless.
We could laugh, we could fight,
For once we could be warm through out the night.
But that bed was more than just a place to sleep,
It was an escape from the every day.
Its something every child knows,
And most adults have tried to forget.
That whenever they lay
In that fluffy white bed
The world is their's to own.
So whenever I see a hotel
I'm transported back to long ago
When cold and wet
My brother and I
Fell, deeply, into a hotel bed.

Since the day you and I parted
I have wondered if there is,
In some other universe,
Another you and I,
Still lying there
Safe under your sheets,
Bodies and hearts intertwined.
I have wondered how many lives
I will have to live
Until my soul finds yours again
As it is wont to do
Because all the love in my heart
Will one day lead me back to you

The world needs more lovers
With rose colored glasses
Forever worn
With glass hearts
And stoneless hands
With roses growing
Down their spines
And stardust
Coating their lungs
The world needs more dreamers
With centuries in their cells
And galaxies in their bones
With fiery passion
Boiling their blood
With trembling voices
And wonder in their eyes
With music in their souls
And freedom on their minds
The world needs more you's
Who are more than a number
And are wildly outspoken
Who have an insatiable lust
For knowledge
Who love endlessly
And dream all day
Who search for the beautiful things
Only our hearts can see

If you ever lose me, my dear,
Do not search for me in your past,
Do not turn over any stones.
I am not hiding in the clouds,
Or under the waves.
Do not search crowded rooms,
Do not traverse city streets.
I am not hiding amid the trees
Or in the grave.
If you ever lose me, my dear,
Simply look in your heart.
I'll be there.

With tired, yet glittering eyes,
She watched her world spin
Slowly, then all at once,
Into a beautiful chaos
It would never recover from.
With broken fingers
She mended the lives
That fell apart around her,
Forsaking the cracks in her own
For they let the light in.
With cracked lips
She kisses the wounds
Of those who fall nearby
While hiding her own
Because scars remind us of our past.
With a full heart
And an open mind
She understands the world is unfair,
Yet life is beautiful.
With a beautifully crooked smile
She watches the sun rise
Because each day she learns
The world is perfectly imperfect.

I've just seen a face
My heart could never replace.
I'll stay captivated by your eyes
Til the day you ask me to leave your side,
Though you don't see me there.
I've just heard a voice
In which I'll forever rejoice,
For there's a music in it
To which my heart submits.
My dear, it just isn't fair.
I've just experienced a feeling
That left my head and heart reeling.
My heart begins to race
Each time I see your face
And my ears joyously ring
Each time I hear you sing.
I've just seen a face
That puts all others to disgrace.
I've just heard a voice
That makes my heart rejoice.
I've just met a man
I can't describe, no words can.

Tonight I vow to forget your name
And drown your memory
In whiskey.
Tonight I vow to forget the way
Your lips tasted with
A pack of cigarettes.
Tonight I vow to forget your hands
And numb my own
With the cold.
Tonight I vow to forget you
For real this time
Like you forgot me.

The whole **** world is living in fear,
Mothers and children always shedding tears
For the daddies that are dead or gone;
But so much is going wrong
That we can't put out fingers on it.
All the rich ones
Who, with silver spoons, birth their sons,
Don't care whats going on in the street
Where even babies are packing heat
Cause every night they're getting beat or hit.
And forget about other countries
Where wars are beyond beastly,
And every other day there's a bomb
Making sure kids don't get home to mom
Unless its in bits.
So we pray for New York, DC, and Paris, France
But no one's making a move, or taking a chance.
And what about places like Syria,
That aren't getting sympathy from media?
But even in the US we like to omit
The kids going hungry
That are treated like debris,
And now the drugs are everywhere
But no one seems to care,
So **** it.

There's an infestation in my head
Like a zombie I'm walking dead
I'm running on empty
There's nothing left in me
Except the smoke in my lungs
Climbing my ribs like ladder rungs
How come everyone's better off than me
Why wasn't I made to feel pure ecstasy
Is the wiring a little ******* up in my head
Is that the reason I'm always seeing red
Or am I just crazy
With my mind running free
Dragging its feet
Down every dark street
Where it knows it shouldn't be
But God does it hate me
So I'm like a chicken without its head
Running and running til I fall over dead
But this path is scary
And I can't see
They won't even give me a spark
Cause the truth comes out in the dark
We struggle forever with the falsity
That we're better off with conformity
But if we're all the same in the head
Maybe, just maybe, we're better off dead