I'm leaving my windows open tonight
with the hope that it'll help me sleep
because when I wake up
I don't want to feel like I'm falling

They say the eyes are the windows of the soul
and I'm looking out
seeking something
and I want you to tell me what you see
when you stare at me
because I don't know what to feel

I've heard songs sung by long-dead stars
recorded on instruments divine
and I want to know what it sounds like
when the rings of Saturn spin

I'm getting over a fever
that's hobbled my mind for far too long
but instead of triumph I feel only
emptiness

It took everything from me and I took it all back
but I'm looking down into my outstretched hands and
I don't understand what I'm seeing

Take my hands, please, and cure me of this
disease

Close my windows when I wake

I miss the touch of candlelight on my skin
Faces pressed together without discretion
Thoughts projected onto cluttered walls
Littered with forced memories of years past

I'm confused by nostalgia
and conflicting desires
and the will to make it all right
when it's not my place to do so

I remember years ago when I looked in my wall-wide mirror
and realized that I'm not who I think I am
and I never will be
and I'm different by every sunrise

Reborn in a new light
singing new songs
humming old tunes
reclaiming lyrics from scrapyards

This is my destiny, I realized;
to be ever-changing

Each night I find myself clawing
the skin off my face

I find myself singing along to love songs
that I'll never relate to
not because I won't find love
but because I won't let myself

Each conversation blocked by doubt;
this is my curse
and my blessing

I'm forever safe, guarded by gates that
will never open

Is this all I'm good for?

Rewind.

Newly charred, you look like a
match lit twice

Oft cheated, I see the darkness in
your eyes

Pull those strings, boy
Look me in the eyes, boy,
It only gets worse from here

Never bothered to count the years
between you and your lover,
he left you broken on the roadside

No better than a puppet, you lay
seeking salvation

No fairer than the day, you lay
losing breath

Is this all you're good for?

I'm biting down on wax and steel
I say,
Turn the lights down
I didn't ask for this

Sing some ******* about silent
tears, we'll listen and root for you

Shy away from moonlight, lest it
change you into the animal you are

I've got my mental caps lock on
and it's taking its toll

The days roll by, iron gray and cold
as gunmetal
It only gets whiter from here

I'm waiting for the snowfall on winter's eve,
savor that blue sunrise, slough off the orange
at last and take that warmth for granted

Journal entries scrawled in black ink,
smeared by rainfall,
as only a fool would write outside

Only a fool would get glowstick gel
on his hands

I found a plastic fish that's meant to
go on my keychain; I lost
my keychain in the summer of '07

It's been too long since I've really been alone
and I'm tasting it again

It's salt on my fingertips
It's words I can't vocalize
Carnal
Primal
Dead

Suede shying from raindrops,
I think;
How long until the dawn?

I'm lost in a forest
The sun is hiding
I seek to do the same

Reading lines off cue cards,
I'm singing
I love you
But the words aren't mine

A boy can love on a blue moon
or when the sun sets in the east,
and I'm wondering if this is a curse
or a blessing

As I'm working up the strength to tell you
I can't do this anymore

You had to be there to live it
to feel it, to feel that wrath and peace and chaos and blood swirling round your face
so many were there, but not you
not anybody who's still around

i'm the only one who recalls this legacy
clocks don't tell, and neither do skulls

I can try to explain it
what it was like
but i never can
never could
never would

you'll never understand
the blood that was shed
the sky that was cut
the earth that trembled

my poetry lives to say
my blood warms to sway
my skull cracks to warn
my bones break to cry