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Megan Apr 2014
how silly of me
to think that i know how to do math.
when my current grade
is a C-.
becasue apparently
we have an equation error.
and i've tried simple math
to put one and one together
to make two
1 +1 = 2
to make us.
but you seem to be
some problem
that no one can solve.
not even the smartest.
and i've tried.
but a C-
only reflects
how i did on the test
not how hard i tried.
and it seems to me
i shouldn't try anymore.
Megan May 2014
when your words met me
i didn't want to breathe
and when i failed to hold still
cradling the broken pieces
of myself and my high opinion of you
i collapsed within myself
my heart finally
becoming a
exploding star.

|m.s.
Megan Jul 2014
unfortunately
for myself:
i can't seem to see past
the pounds and
the skin blemishes
to the beauty beneath
because our eyes only run
across the surface.
only some are able to pierce,
past the skin,
even further
to the soul.
Megan Sep 2014
the fact that you're dating
makes me know that
wishes on stars
on fountain coins
birthday candles
and 11:11
are just false hopes
and are to be avoided
at all cost.

|m.s.
Megan Feb 2014
a sharp pain in my heart
helps me recall you
forget-me-nots
are only a flower
and sorry is overused.
so what do i do
about this?
Megan Feb 2014
i'm not sure how to
form my own opinions
i see something one way
something says something the other
and i'm confused and befuddled
because i'm not sure what to say or think
and the idea changes before my eyes
people aren't as nice or sweet as they used to be
people aren't as bad as they used to be
that idea seems okay
that idea seems not okay
things are constantly changing
and maybe that's because people make
impressions of me
like walking in sand
their footprints are in my thoughts
leaving them there for me to inspect
and idea
and then form my own opinion
but i'm easy to doubt
and easy to conform to other peoples
ideals and likes and other suches
and most the time
i just remain quiet
because being liked is more comfortable
than being myself.
Megan Feb 2014
normally i would sit
and urge the clock
to do it's job right
and speed up
but today time doesn't matter
i'm not mad at the long wait of
fifteen minutes
ten minutes
or sixty seconds
because it doesn't matter.
you won't be here
and i'll walk the halls alone.
and then arriving at your class first,
i'll take your hand and call
goodbye.
leaving with a stomach
indeed filled with butterflies
but for today
time doesn't matter
because you won't be here.
Megan Jan 2014
for valentines day
i'll be alone again
but that's ok.
should i give you a poem?
you know i write poetry
but it could be a surprise
it doesn't have to be from me.
anonymous letters
have more magic.
Megan Apr 2014
i see the way he looks at you
and it hurts me, each time.
but i say nothing,
but watch him.
i watch him change
around you and i
cannot provoke that
change apparently.
so i remain
at some days
he's my friend
and some days
he'll knock me
down a peg.
Megan Feb 2014
i'm worried
with the speed of which
i write my poems at.
but i need to write,
i might as well use the fire
as it's burning
but my fear is of
eventual smoldering
and then smoke
as i attempt to
string words together
into poems
at a loss
when the smoke is gone
and the fire is dead.
what will i do then?
i'll be at a loss of words
and at a loss of expressing myself
but that doesn't mean i'm stopping out of fear.
no way
it just means
i'll go until it's out
hopefully life keeps
feeding the fire.
Megan Feb 2014
please
if only for a moment
give me your lips
and let's start world war three.
i tell you
i think it's worth it
if only for a moment.
even if i'm minimal face
and long sleeves.
Megan Jan 2014
i find myself again
at the door of the
grey area
i've been old to turn back
i've told myself to turn back
but you captivate me
and interest me.
what lies beyond the door
troubles me
but curiousty killed the cat
and I find myself reaching.
but I tell myself
you can't.
leave the grey area alone
but god I find myself reaching.
(pre are you ready to start WWIII?)
Megan Jan 2015
i've always wondered one thing:
"Why is there a space between good morning, and not goodnight?"
this may be solely due to how i write it,
but i'm moved to believe that there is no space
due to the unneeded grey area and empty space about the word.

i'm moved to believe that there is a lack of a space in goodnight
is due to the exhaustion we feel at the end of the day and night.
and we don't take anymore time to have hesitation.
it's "goodnight."
there are no doubts about this.

it may just be me,
but the English language is malicious.
but in the moments you call "Goodnight!" to someone in the dark,
separated by the distance and night chill of the beginning spring---
i'm moved to believe that the lack of a space isn't needed
because there is no grey area
in which to call: "Goodnight!" out to someone.
there is only the hope that we will wake up again to see the sun,
greeting with "Good Morning,"
and a space to sigh with relief.

|m.s.
this was a poem, that i thought i had lost. it was just re-shown to me by a friend.
Megan Nov 2014
fleeting glances,
i was worried you weren't here,
but i passed you in the hallway
and that's all i need
to set me up for a good day.

|m.s.
Megan Feb 2014
the strength i have
to hold your hand
is all i need.
because
i promise to stand by you
and hold your hand
and tell you good things.
like i love you
and you're safe with me
because i want you to be happy.
and i want to be happy.
happiness we can achieve together.
what are we waiting for?
Megan Jan 2014
another poem
and a few more minutes
my dear, you're constantly on my mind
that's your fault.
you've put this effect on me
why do you tie my heart to a cloud
and my stomach to a butterfly?
Megan Feb 2014
all i want to do is talk to you
and each time i respond
my heart sits on a perch
hoping you'll reply back.
and when you do
my heart jolts.
and then
the cycle
starts
over
again.
Megan Apr 2014
an average girl
in a lonely world.
standing crying
within a bathroom.
she's alone at prom.
her date made bail
paid $50
and ran,
passed go
and kept going.
Megan Sep 2014
everything came caving in yesterday
and i nearly was crushed from the effort
to push the weight of a few words off of me.
my dear, i wished you good luck
on something important to you
and your friend turned to me and
said words i least wanted to hear.

"you like him, don't you?"

all at once i started unraveling,
like a ball of yarn
and i was starting to get tangled
from trying to collect myself of the floor
from the initial shock.
i didn't want to talk about this...
these feelings for you.
they're supposed to be secret
only for the ears of my heart to year
when you pass by or smile at me.
your friend turned to me again
and said more words that made me double over
"he knows."

|m.s.
Megan Jan 2014
yesterday i took four alieve
today i took four more
tomorrow i could try six
because it's starting to get hard to see
my head hurts
and it may be your fault
but i forgive you.
it'll pass soon
hopefully
Megan Mar 2014
i'm going to try to go to bed now.
i'm left in the moment
of staring at the ceiling again.
trying to sleep
but the thought of you,
my dear,
continues on
like the snow storm outside
relentless and heavy.
i can't remove you
from my thoughts.
it's simply not
going to be done.
so be it.
i'll go to sleep
thinking of you
and hopefully
i'll dream you too.
Megan Jun 2014
and i fall back
into the descent of madness
and the reminder in which
it will never,
be better.
houston,
we have a problem.
i'm going down.

|m.s.
Megan Jan 2014
i've said
i can't continue to write about you
but i do
somehow the motivation comes back to me
my soul
and i can't help but need to write
about you
and about how i feel about you
because dear
how else to i express how i feel
about you
Megan May 2014
i want a hug
only from you.
because i lose everything
but your scent
and your touch
and my heart
pounding
against the confines
i've built for it.

|m.s.
Megan May 2014
my dear
i am at a loss
around you.
it seems that
you make the poles
switch.
turning my life
upside down.
i never thought
that seeing your face
would send me for
a race,
and ending up
with a hand
over my heart.
my dear,
i am at a
complete loss.

|m.s.
Megan Jan 2014
i'm not sure if i can
write poems about you
anymore.
today you told me
that you are not over
your gem.
i cannot compete.
Megan Feb 2014
roses are red
violets are blue
how i wish you knew
the way i hold you
as i've said
you have no clue
only i wish
i can only hope
you do.
Megan Mar 2014
i catch myself a lot
thinking of you and your well being
and us and all possibilities.
Megan Jan 2014
this morning i couldn't look at you
i'm not sure why
the reason being that
maybe
i was ashamed
or shy
easily either.
and i don't know why
Megan Apr 2014
and i guess
i'm never
going to be liked,
because being a muffin
isn't attractive.
and like others
i'd rather be a cupcake.
Megan Jan 2014
if i go through the door
to the grey area
my dear
my wonderwall
my fire prince
the one with gold blood
if world war three
does break out
will you be on my side?
i feel the answer is no.
will i tell you how i feel?
if, and will you
will i
my dear
for now i don't know.
(are you ready to start WWIII, p2)
Megan May 2014
i cling
to positivity
so why do i
continue to cling
to the idea of you?
i'm only prolonging
my misery
and part of me thought
a short week ago
that summer would **** me
because i wouldn't see you
but now i pray for summer to come
so i can be on my way
with a mind steering clear of you.
my dear,
you don't really
understand
the words you spoke
gave my heart back to me.
and i shook
and tried to keep the
pieces together
and when i failed
to even hold still
i fled from you.
i guess girls
cry in bathroom stalls
alone after all.

|m.s.
Megan Jun 2014
i guess this
is what it comes down to
cowering in my bathroom.
trying to decide whether to get
lost between the margins of words in a book
or the pills in the cabinet.
i guess this
is what it comes down to
whether or not to count the times
in which i've wanted to disappear
times in which you're angry,
times in which i seem to always be
the source to this anger.
and you say it's not the *****.
Megan Feb 2014
i look for you
in every white car
on the streets.
as if by chance,
you would be in one
as i pass.
but life
doesn't work that way
but tomorrow i'll see you.
and i hope i earn a smile.
Megan Mar 2014
this next few days
are going to be a little stressful.
and it's not because i'm settling
into a new trimester.
it's because i'm thinking
of you
and prom
and how i'm going to ask you.
i'm crossing my fingers.
i hope you say yes.
Megan Mar 2014
for part of a long time
in part of a long while
i keep thinking
i wouldn't mind
ending up with you.
i'm patient
i'm understanding.
i'm here.
i'm loyal.
i just lack the beauty.
Megan Feb 2014
i just want us both
to be happy
and it's hard
because i'm not you
i can't control you
i have no control over the situation
but i try.
i do little things
give you the lollipops on friday
apples at lunch
i give you compliments in surplus
and i'm always on your side.

now
the other

i just want us both
to be happy
and it's hard
because i'm not you
i can't control you
i have no control over the situation
but i try.
i do little things
i wait for you after third period
and walk with you to your next class
and i compliment you
and your voice
and tell you you're handsome.
Megan Feb 2014
i've never been
downright gorgeous
like the rest of
my friends
but i wish,
i'm just stuck here
minimal faced
and long sleeves
i just wish.
Megan Feb 2014
and even though,
despite my ideas
of setting you free
and the knowledge
i'm not eligible for being yours.
there's the constant
"i know why"
i get from seeing you.
i know why i fell
i know why.
but having fallen,
and knowing why
won't change anything.
Megan Feb 2014
shall i open
up my window
and allow you
to kiss me?
all my defenses are down
the soldiers are sleeping
quickly kiss me
before they wake.
the window is open
the doors unlocked
here i am.
take me
or leave me.
Megan Feb 2014
what on earth
am i going to do with you
i hadn't intended to like you
but now i do.
and i guess
what's making me
most nervous
is the idea of telling you.
if only i could just
install courage
and look you in the eyes
and say
i like you.
but most likely
i'd go into panic
even trying to say
those words to you,
or if i did somehow manage
i'd go into panic after.
why does this have to be so difficult?
i just want to say i like you
done.
simple.
i like you.

never mind.
i just can't.
i'm to scared.
panic setting in
t minus five
Megan Jan 2014
i'm afraid
if you are cruel
if you push me away
if you make me feel terrible
for caring so much for you
i'm going to snap
then the truth
i like...

you.
Megan Apr 2014
i make a wish to hope
you are safe and sound
in chicago.
i make a wish to hope
you had a good time
in chicago.
i make a wish to hope
you maybe thought of me
in chicago.
i make a wish to hope
you and me, something--
nevermind--chicago.
Megan Feb 2014
the message glares
back up at me.
i can't reply.
i don't want to.
instead i'll shove you away
as you told me you would do
watch me close shop
into myself
a tall being with four limbs
becoming round.
let me fold into myself.
i'm an armadillo.
i'm protected here.
away from your secrets
that hurt me.
Megan Mar 2014
i may have
told how my day went.
and how your name
came up in conversation
more than once,
maybe even more
than five times.
but also, i may have
left out the part
where i leaned my head
on your shoulder
and you put your head
on mine.
Megan Apr 2014
long sleeves may be
a part of my life for now
but when it's ninety degrees
or hotter outside,
i don't think my excuse of
i'm cold
will no longer apply.

|m.s.
Megan Jul 2014
darling i need you
only minutes ago
i made another wish
on 11:11 to see you.
you haven't called.
two more months
may easily **** me.

|m.s.
Megan Mar 2014
it's been five days
and tomorrow will be six
and i'm starting to miss people.

it's a never ending argument within me
to be happy to be out of school
but to sit and wish to be back in school
and out of the people i miss
it's probably you
my dear
that i miss most.
Megan Apr 2014
you wonder why i reacted
the way i did
when she shut me down
without glancing at me.
and whatever was
my response
don't put out my fire.
i'm excited.
Megan Mar 2014
and i guess
what i regret most
was my bitterness.
i missed out
on two years of possible chances
on two years of getting to knows
on two years of actually belonging.
i missed out
on two years.
and now i'm paying for it.
"i'm just the painter"
i keep saying.
"i'm just the painter"
and it remains true and true.
painting is fun,
for so long.
i want to be part
of the stage.
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