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369 · Apr 2014
remind me
Megan Apr 2014
and when i've lied down
and made myself blind to the world
i need you to come to me
and give whispers
of how beautiful the world is.
you need to remind me.
you need to remind me
before i lie down
and lose myself.

|m.s.
369 · Mar 2014
let it race
Megan Mar 2014
i got the best advice today.
i told them my heart was already racing.
their response:
"let it race."
i figured it out.
i need to do this.
so let it race.
let it speak.
let it show the anxiety
the nervousness
and the excitement.
when i talk to you
my dear,
tomorrow morning
i will let it show in my eyes.
Megan Feb 2014
like i said
today i go back
to minimal face
and long sleeves
and today i don't feel
beautiful or confident
i'll leave you alone today
no worries, i just don't want you
to see me this way.
minimal face
and long sleeves
is my way of life.
361 · Feb 2014
a poem for you
Megan Feb 2014
you said you wouldn't hurt me
and i said i wouldn't abandon you
that'd i'd be here.
you told me i was a great person
and that you wanted me to feel safe with you.
and that you wouldn't do anything to hurt me.
then why am i crying?
i installed my trust in you
counted the minutes it took to download
you told me to quit apologizing
but i'm sorry.
you told me you push people that care away.
i told you i'd be here.
but you told me you wouldn't do anything to hurt me.
then why am i crying?
360 · Aug 2014
racing tears
Megan Aug 2014
wait a moment
don't get to ahead of yourself
the race hasn't started
we can't have them trailing
you need to get away,
waiting for that sharp ringing
of silence.
once it's there
the races have start
let them trail
let them fall.
you can cry now.

|m.s.
359 · Jan 2014
memories
Megan Jan 2014
so often now
I find myself
thinking
taking time to
stop
and pause
rewind through memories
and events
and I cringe.
358 · Jan 2014
no control
Megan Jan 2014
however
even though you said that
i can't help how i feel.
your gem herself told me:
"can't you be done?"
as if just deciding to be done with him
is simple.
that's a mother ******* lie.
you can't just choose.
you may have,
but you no longer
liked him.

you haven't read my poems.
but neither has he.
but how dare you look me in the eye
and say
"can't you be done?"
i apologize but i have absolutely
no
control
over this.
don't try to stop me.
pardon my language.
358 · Sep 2014
english class
Megan Sep 2014
is english class
the place to fall in love?
my teacher always
places people near me
that captivate me
that i want to learn more about.
because i always had open ears
and starry eyes
for a dancer who's always too serious.
and to a band boy who's always humming.

|m.s.
Megan Feb 2014
what on earth
am i going to do with you
i hadn't intended to like you
but now i do.
and i guess
what's making me
most nervous
is the idea of telling you.
if only i could just
install courage
and look you in the eyes
and say
i like you.
but most likely
i'd go into panic
even trying to say
those words to you,
or if i did somehow manage
i'd go into panic after.
why does this have to be so difficult?
i just want to say i like you
done.
simple.
i like you.

never mind.
i just can't.
i'm to scared.
panic setting in
t minus five
357 · Mar 2014
today's your birthday
Megan Mar 2014
today's your birthday
and we haven't talked
in a little while.
i'm not angry with you
i just need a little time.
i won't be there
tomorrow,
i'm about a couple
hours away.
so i guess this
is your present.
i'm sorry it's lame.

you started out
as the gray area.
the gray
refers to a subject or a problem
that people do not know how to deal with
because there are no clear rules.
in this case
you
were the grey area
i wasn't sure how
and i still am not sure how
to deal with you.
you just are.

and i've written more
than one poem for you.
you know, to tell you the truth
i used to count down the minutes,
the seconds for third hour to end.
so i could walk beside you.
it was a highlight of my day.

i think this period
of silence between us
is just another lock
that i have to be patient with
before i discover the way to unlocking it.
and i don't know if it's yours
or if it's mine.
maybe it's my distance
after telling you
but i'll find  a way.
i won't stray from my promise.
i'm still here for you.
i'm still ears.
i still believe in you.
i'm your friend.

you are a phenomenal person
and i'm not sure how else
to put who you are
into poems
because you're much more
than black and white
i can put down on paper
or through keys
you're the gray.

so please     remember
today's your birthday
and happy birthday.
happiness always
for you.
-M
355 · Sep 2014
false hopes
Megan Sep 2014
the fact that you're dating
makes me know that
wishes on stars
on fountain coins
birthday candles
and 11:11
are just false hopes
and are to be avoided
at all cost.

|m.s.
354 · Mar 2014
tears don't suit you
Megan Mar 2014
the first
and only time
i saw you cry
we were watching
our friends rehearse
for the play.
both of us had been watching
not lucky enough to be cast.
i sat next to you
and we watched monologues
be delivered.
but i looked over at you
at one point.
and you had tears in your eyes.
and i should of told you
"tears don't suit you."
and i should of
put a hand on your knee
to comfort you.
Megan Jan 2014
you saw how distressed i was
but you didn't dare try to hold me
why?
i needed you.
you're so close to everyone else
i felt terrible
it was hard to see
and light was painful.
i don't tell you this i continue pacing
my camera pumping out
blurred streams or colour
fading pictures
of a play on war.
you can't tell me
you didn't notice my distress
because there were tears in my eyes
and it wasn't just from the words of the play.
but from realizing my situation
with you.
352 · Oct 2014
stars
Megan Oct 2014
i could
spend hours
under the night sky
of a bedroom
counting the stars
within someone's eyes.

|m.s.
351 · Sep 2014
sparks
Megan Sep 2014
i was laying down
and you laid down beside me for seconds
and i could feel the electricity
when our eyes connected
and when our bodies were near,
and as if you were electrocuted
you sat upright
and left me
with an aftershock.

|m.s.
350 · Sep 2014
he knows
Megan Sep 2014
everything came caving in yesterday
and i nearly was crushed from the effort
to push the weight of a few words off of me.
my dear, i wished you good luck
on something important to you
and your friend turned to me and
said words i least wanted to hear.

"you like him, don't you?"

all at once i started unraveling,
like a ball of yarn
and i was starting to get tangled
from trying to collect myself of the floor
from the initial shock.
i didn't want to talk about this...
these feelings for you.
they're supposed to be secret
only for the ears of my heart to year
when you pass by or smile at me.
your friend turned to me again
and said more words that made me double over
"he knows."

|m.s.
350 · Feb 2014
by now you deserve peace
Megan Feb 2014
and i get left behind again
on the road to achieving happiness
but it'll last
by now you deserve peace.
you've been through so much.
so it doesn't really matter
if i'm left behind again.
i'd rather see your happiness,
than mine.
348 · Feb 2014
i'm scrambled
Megan Feb 2014
i haven't talked
to you today
and
i'm depressed.
the ideas
keep hurting me
what if you don't
notice
that i wanted to see
what would happen.
it's pathetic
i know but
do i really brighten your day?
i'm scrambled
i'm sorry
this poem makes little sense
and later i'll look back
and see my unhappiness.
346 · Mar 2014
pursuing you no longer
Megan Mar 2014
as rude as it would be
i just want to laugh
i want to laugh at you
and applaud your choices.

i know it would be rude
but in the long run
i'd make me feel better
that i didn't pursue you further.
345 · Feb 2014
heart on a perch
Megan Feb 2014
all i want to do is talk to you
and each time i respond
my heart sits on a perch
hoping you'll reply back.
and when you do
my heart jolts.
and then
the cycle
starts
over
again.
345 · Feb 2014
breath defeats panic
Megan Feb 2014
panic
i can't breathe
i feel like i'm going to cry
who's ripped my heart out of my chest this time
why's it empty
what's happening
it's getting worse
you tell me to breathe
tell me to breathe
me to breathe
****** breathe
345 · Aug 2014
we owe the world nothing
Megan Aug 2014
and the cruel part of the world
claims another one.
the next day
the weather is sunny, clear skied and warm.
but somehow you feel detached.
the world owes us nothing.
it continues running
while our hearts want to dig heels in
to stop
just have a single moment to think
and understand...
we owe the world nothing.
and it's time is non stop
it's continuously running
whether someone dies and disappears
or our hearts finally stop
we owe the world nothing
and sadness is an emotion
the cruel part of the world
doesn't take the time to feel.
it just takes.

|m.s.
343 · Jan 2014
poem for a few
Megan Jan 2014
S
that new years kiss could of meant
anything.
but i felt spontaneous.
you are the embodiment of music,
dear boy
don't stray from that path
the number 4,000 suits you

K
you opened up to me completely
and we're my new friend
but lately i've sensed you closing off
i'm not sure if it's the stress of memorizing
or the fact i'm trying to be
his new gem.

M
since freshman years we've been friends
and i've done everything for you
here and there
and everywhere.
but it seems you've found new friends.
i wish you would remember me

C
my dear
i consider you the king
of the universe.
don't give me that harsh stare
i prefer it when you smile.

K
you were my first love
but i hated myself.
and i was scared.
and even though
you live a world away
you are now my best friend
343 · Jan 2014
rose petals and gold
Megan Jan 2014
if you were to cut into my skin
i would want rose petals to fall from it
because i want to be beautiful
and perfect.
if i were to cut into your skin
i would imagine i'd see gold dripping from your veins
because despite you already being beautiful
you are a perfect person.
if we were to cut into each other's skin
and watch the sky turn from blue to orange to black
the stars appearing overhead to check on us
we would look back into each other
and there would be
rose petals and gold
mixed together
and maybe
just maybe
my dear
you would make me
beautiful and perfect
too.
340 · Feb 2014
you know now
Megan Feb 2014
and you know what
by not replying
you probably figured it out now.
but who cares?
it doesn't matter anymore.
i told myself i'd set you free
my dove.
and this is the price i payed.
you know now.
i think i can sense it.
Megan Feb 2014
i just want us both
to be happy
and it's hard
because i'm not you
i can't control you
i have no control over the situation
but i try.
i do little things
give you the lollipops on friday
apples at lunch
i give you compliments in surplus
and i'm always on your side.

now
the other

i just want us both
to be happy
and it's hard
because i'm not you
i can't control you
i have no control over the situation
but i try.
i do little things
i wait for you after third period
and walk with you to your next class
and i compliment you
and your voice
and tell you you're handsome.
334 · May 2014
same name
Megan May 2014
there's a guy on the radio
that introduces himself every morning
while i'm on my way to school.
he has the same name as you do
and when he introduces himself
he says it slowly
surely to catch me off guard
and to mock me.

|m.s.
Megan Mar 2014
i could of brought up prom
i could of at least mentioned it.
but with you
i seem to forget everything
and live in the present with you.
i have no worries
about anything.
i'm focused on you
and the way your mouth
forms around your words
and your smiles.
i'm focused on you
and the light reflecting in your eyes.
i'm focused on you
and you let me live in the present
without worries.
333 · Jan 2014
nevermore
Megan Jan 2014
there is not a angel
perched on my shoulder
what is good doesn't exist.
the fire engulfs
all that was good
good that shall be
nevermore.
332 · Mar 2014
your happiness means most
Megan Mar 2014
can i fall into my bed
and pin the negative words
to my skin,
the positive leaving through the window,
and lose myself beneath the pillows and blankets
and become number one
the Queen
in my own world.
i'll make myself my own crown
woven out of the things
that make me happiest
and let me wear it on my head
and when it starts to rain
i'll remember the crown
and i must balance.
my life is about pretending
and my crown gives off that
glow of: "i'm ok."
because a smile
and a small laugh
will make everything
look normal.
when quite honestly, i'm hurting.
i just block you all out
to save you from me
a part of me thinks
if i let you in to this darkness
i'll drag you down with me
you'll suffer
and then i'll go circle after circle
only adding regret to my list
only adding guilt
to the letter of execution.
i feel guilty when
i tell someone how i feel
because the weight of my words
of my fears, of my emotions, of my depression--
i feel it'll turn your heart to stone
sink down within your other organs
and blow a hole through your chest
a gaping hole
a constant longing
a constant sense of loss
and you won't recover.
you'll slowly drown
just as i have.
you'll learn to draw into yourself
you'll learn to be unhappy
you'll inherit the want to die.
i don't want to see your eyes lose their light.
i don't want to see the dull
the lifeless pity
the sadness.
i want to see the light
i want to see the joy
i want to see you
at your best.
i want to see
happiness
at it's finest.
and if i have to suffer
for anybody's happiness
so be it.
332 · Dec 2014
tip of my tongue
Megan Dec 2014
today, i couldn't remember a word
a certain phrase or idea.
it sat upon the tip of my tongue
and i, frustrated
thought extensively for it.

you, my dear
were standing beside me
you told me to take my mind off of it
"think of something completely different."

i thought of kissing you.

|m.s.
327 · Jan 2014
be myself. i try.
Megan Jan 2014
be yourself
is what they say
and what if i don't want to
what if i don't even like myself
if i said that
i know you would grow quiet
so i don't
i just reply
"i try."
and don't get me wrong
i do try
but i'm also
quick to give up
because being liked
is what i want
and i'm afraid that it
will change
so i conform to you
that's most comfortable.

be myself
i try.
326 · Aug 2014
Untitled
Megan Aug 2014
and the fact of the matter is
everything comes full circle
and i end up alone again.
no one's here for me.

|m.s.
325 · Feb 2014
silent rings
Megan Feb 2014
checking my phone
i say is unhealthy
and to not get my hopes up
i turn it to silent store it in my pocket
so if you do reply
i won't know and it'll look like
i wasn't excited to receive a message from you.
322 · Feb 2014
oh irony
Megan Feb 2014
but i remain as i am
i will try to be strong
i will try to be here
and keep my promise
for you.
it all sounds simple.
but if you think about it
i'm the girl who likes you
trying to help you
with liking another girl.
oh irony.
321 · Feb 2014
you can't be alone
Megan Feb 2014
i can't imagine
the tar that slops through your veins
going back to your heart
and poisoning it.

impending doom.

i can't imagine
about how you feel all the time
i have told you once,
it scares me.

i believe you
i'm not sure about others though
i said i'll be here
you can't be alone.

not with anxiety.
not alone.
i'll be here.
318 · Jun 2014
conclusion
Megan Jun 2014
i've come
to this conclusion
that the universe
is against me
and i must be
a dying star.


|m.s.
318 · Mar 2014
sleep
Megan Mar 2014
another school night
i spend awake until twelve
because my body
has nothing better to do
than prepare to be miserable tomorrow.
sleep is my goal
but it seems
it's unattainable.
317 · Apr 2014
lunch period four
Megan Apr 2014
if the way
weekends **** me
are two days
in which i worry.
i can't imagine summer.
and even now
i don't see you at all really
not until afters school.
and even then,
time is limited.
i no longer get to
bring you an apple
at lunch,
place it on the table beside you
my arm brushing past yours
or perhaps my hand
squeezing your shoulder.
i guess in my dreams
i'll still be bringing you apples
in lunch period four.
Megan Mar 2014
i'm going to try to go to bed now.
i'm left in the moment
of staring at the ceiling again.
trying to sleep
but the thought of you,
my dear,
continues on
like the snow storm outside
relentless and heavy.
i can't remove you
from my thoughts.
it's simply not
going to be done.
so be it.
i'll go to sleep
thinking of you
and hopefully
i'll dream you too.
315 · Feb 2014
not welcome
Megan Feb 2014
sometimes i think
that my compliments
go to people i want to impress
or make them like me
because i don't want to be not liked
and the problem of that matter is
i tell you readers this
is that more than often
i've felt
not welcome.
314 · Jan 2014
hopeful alieve
Megan Jan 2014
yesterday i took four alieve
today i took four more
tomorrow i could try six
because it's starting to get hard to see
my head hurts
and it may be your fault
but i forgive you.
it'll pass soon
hopefully
314 · Mar 2014
stories
Megan Mar 2014
i hate movies
and i hate books.
because by the end
i've changed
and it may just be
because it's two in the morning
and i am beyond exhaustion
where loneliness is starting to consume me.
and i'm upset, and i'm lost
but by the end
i've changed
or i'm left seeking
wanting more of the story
that wasn't real to begin with.
and it kills me inside.
stories of love
hardship
where characters fight
through thick and thin
to get where they are
to choose who they want to be
to have a mother lose a husband
and have to raise to children
that hardship
that love
that fight.
and in the end it ends
it ends happily.
and happy endings
i'm not complaining about.
but there's a part of me
that doesn't know what to do
with myself
once it's over.
and i'm lost.
i don't understand.
314 · Mar 2014
not talking
Megan Mar 2014
i haven't talked to you
at all i guess
and i chose to walk away
and no longer wait
maybe it was the air
of which you wouldn't look at me
or the condescending tone when you spoke French
but i walked away
and i've chosen not to call upon you
ask you how you were.
and i promised,
so there's this little part
eating away at me.
but i don't know
i shouldn't worry about it.
i should just take a deep breath.
314 · Jan 2014
if, will you, will i
Megan Jan 2014
if i go through the door
to the grey area
my dear
my wonderwall
my fire prince
the one with gold blood
if world war three
does break out
will you be on my side?
i feel the answer is no.
will i tell you how i feel?
if, and will you
will i
my dear
for now i don't know.
(are you ready to start WWIII, p2)
Megan Feb 2014
i must look stupid
just smiling at you
in replies,
or to make some
reaction to what you said
i know i must look stupid.
i feel it.
what else do i say?
i want to win you over
have my name
engraved
on a golden cup
held under your heart.
312 · Oct 2014
it's really a curse
Megan Oct 2014
i spend time tracking minutes and hours
when i should be realizing that time
is passing too quickly.

but then i spend time regretting
spending time tracking minutes and hours
and i should really just be enjoying myself.

but then i come to a place where
static is in my brain
and i just want to die
because disney movies are making me cry.
i've grown up too quickly
and sure i flaunt the fact that i am eighteen now
but really it's a curse.
Megan Feb 2014
normally i would sit
and urge the clock
to do it's job right
and speed up
but today time doesn't matter
i'm not mad at the long wait of
fifteen minutes
ten minutes
or sixty seconds
because it doesn't matter.
you won't be here
and i'll walk the halls alone.
and then arriving at your class first,
i'll take your hand and call
goodbye.
leaving with a stomach
indeed filled with butterflies
but for today
time doesn't matter
because you won't be here.
310 · Apr 2014
trick windows
Megan Apr 2014
i try to be patient
i try to be humble
but as the days continue passing
i find myself with a strong will
to stare out the window.
the snow is starting to melt
leaving blue sky
and grass to be greened.
i just continue to sit within
closed classrooms
brick walls
and trick windows,
all of which keep me
inside.
310 · Feb 2014
someone's painting me blue
Megan Feb 2014
it may be the fact
that valentines day is friday.
or maybe it's because everyone seems
so happy.
i'm not content, i'm not good
i'm stuck.
maybe i'm in a low period.
someone's painting me blue.
maybe i'm in a low period.
someone change the hue.
i'm begging you.
i'm tired.
i'm sick.
of this loneliness.
they say time heals
they say time makes changes
but i'm waiting for the artist
to see the art form of my distress
and change it
no more blues.
no more cold hues.
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