please
if only for a moment
give me your lips
and let's start world war three.
i tell you
i think it's worth it
if only for a moment.
even if i'm minimal face
and long sleeves.

i really want your hug right now
i don't know why
i've never had this craving
if i called you
to me

would you come?

maybe i'm the only one that can see them
five or so lines across my left arm
maybe i'm the only.
it's not like i flaunt them
it's quite the opposite

but are most people blind
to suffering?
that is my main question
or am i the only one who can see?

i can't imagine
the tar that slops through your veins
going back to your heart
and poisoning it.

impending doom.

i can't imagine
about how you feel all the time
i have told you once,
it scares me.

i believe you
i'm not sure about others though
i said i'll be here
you can't be alone.

not with anxiety.
not alone.
i'll be here.

a sharp pain in my heart
helps me recall you
forget-me-nots
are only a flower
and sorry is overused.
so what do i do
about this?

i've gone from sad to angry
i'm no longer recieving **** today
and i'll re-stamp
"return to sender"
throw it into your face
don't you dare treat me this way.

tomorrow is saturday
road trip and competition
my dear i hope you treat me nicely
you often hurt me
i don't know why i don't tell you

you realize
that in three months
you taught me
that the colour orange
is more than a colour
and that the candy m&m;'s
are more than a candy
so whenever i eat m&m;'s
i think of you,
i save the orange for last
and sigh
where are you
to take the orange ones?
not here.
i bet you don't even think about it
i do.

"relax
and look to the
stars."

i so wish i could
yet the winter sky
filled with grey clouds
has covered up the all stars
and mocked the people on earth
who wish to be a part of outer space.

i want to explode
into stardust
into particles
so small
the only thing to be seen
is the light reflecting off the shapes
like it's snowing.
just please
let me
shine.

if i go through the door
to the grey area
my dear
my wonderwall
my fire prince
the one with gold blood
if world war three
does break out
will you be on my side?
i feel the answer is no.
will i tell you how i feel?
if, and will you
will i
my dear
for now i don't know.

are you ready to start
world war three?
an unending battle
of how could you's
and shock
ridicule on my part
there would be explosions
of anger
and sadness
i would seek refuge in your arms
away from the gunfire,
but how could i return?
there is a battle zone.

are you ready to start
world war three?
all you have to do
is kiss me.

this morning
your head turned
and i felt my heart stop.
maybe it's because
today i felt beautiful
and i felt confident
is that why you turned your head?
or maybe it was the makeup...
i wouldn't be surprised
i haven't worn this much makeup in a long time,
it's only for today
tomorrow i'll go back
to minimal face
and long sleeves
but your head turned
for me.
just don't tell me the reason.
let me dream.

i find myself again
at the door of the
grey area
i've been old to turn back
i've told myself to turn back
but you captivate me
and interest me.
what lies beyond the door
troubles me
but curiousty killed the cat
and I find myself reaching.
but I tell myself
you can't.
leave the grey area alone
but god I find myself reaching.

the cold is exhausting
i want to huddle up and freeze
maybe my body as a sculpture
forever frozen as ice
would be more beautiful than wandering in
pink faced with teared up eyes
hair a mess.
maybe once a sculpture
someone could chisel me
form my features
maybe i would
reduce to a swan.
simple.
beautiful.

i have died
and i feel myself sinking
i cannot detach myself from where i lie
where i sit
where i stand
because moving is too hard
and i'm tired again.
this may be a never ending winter
in minnesota
days where it's too cold to go to school
too dangerous to go outside
but i get up and stare through my window,
let the snow blind me
maybe if i don't see
anything
or myself i could manage to be happier
as if that would help
i'm sure the blackness
or the fog would be worse
and after being able to see
i would for sure die.

you saw how distressed i was
but you didn't dare try to hold me
why?
i needed you.
you're so close to everyone else
i felt terrible
it was hard to see
and light was painful.
i don't tell you this i continue pacing
my camera pumping out
blurred streams or colour
fading pictures
of a play on war.
you can't tell me
you didn't notice my distress
because there were tears in my eyes
and it wasn't just from the words of the play.
but from realizing my situation
with you.

i feel all emotions towards you
and i try not to because it's not fair.
you don't know.
and when i'm angry
or sad
and it's caused because of you
you don't know
and that's not fair
to you or to me.
i'm the one keeping things
in the dark

i've said
i can't continue to write about you
but i do
somehow the motivation comes back to me
my soul
and i can't help but need to write
about you
and about how i feel about you
because dear
how else to i express how i feel
about you

i'm afraid
if you are cruel
if you push me away
if you make me feel terrible
for caring so much for you
i'm going to snap
then the truth
i like...

you.

if you were to cut into my skin
i would want rose petals to fall from it
because i want to be beautiful
and perfect.
if i were to cut into your skin
i would imagine i'd see gold dripping from your veins
because despite you already being beautiful
you are a perfect person.
if we were to cut into each other's skin
and watch the sky turn from blue to orange to black
the stars appearing overhead to check on us
we would look back into each other
and there would be
rose petals and gold
mixed together
and maybe
just maybe
my dear
you would make me
beautiful and perfect
too.

bitterness
consumes my soul
when i see your prideful face
it's as if you have no flaws
no imperfections
no issues.
you are so ******* perfect
it wreaks havoc on my entire soul
to know that ****,
she liked you more than she liked me
and i loved her
and i am indeed over her.
but it's the fact that you
you just set me off.
it isn't fair
for me to be so bitter.
but it's how life works.

when they asked me today
if i liked him
i said
of course i like him
and i wasn't too far off the mark there.
"but you're so mean to him"
that's not my intention
they have only seen moments
where the action of "mean"
i use as endearment.
they haven't seen
how i look at him
or how i actually treat him.
despite sword fights
and constantly bickering
he's my soft spot.

it's wednesday again
my world making another cycle
i'm sore
i'm tired
and i have a headache
i'm pretty sure
new bruises
are forming.
yes, because you you.
but i don't mind.
this isn't a
"i'm in a abusive relationship" poem
this is a poem about
how sword fighting with you
and strength tests
have gotten me closer to you
not only physically but as friends
and i've gotten stronger.

so what will happen
when the truth
reveals itself?
when, i finally had
all the courage
to tell
you.
whenever
that happens
the response you
end up giving me...
i am afraid,
i am completely petrified.

this morning i couldn't look at you
i'm not sure why
the reason being that
maybe
i was ashamed
or shy
easily either.
and i don't know why

vanilla
taste so sweet.
yet so little.

vanilla
taste so sweet.
not to much now.

vanilla
taste so sweet
beautiful with it's simplicity.

the acid is bubbling
thick sludge running through my veins
a feeling has resulted in the pit of my stomach,
you.

you
are the cause for this burning sensation.
it is not fire, it is not passion,
it is acid.
and you scorch me with your words and actions
you are not my prince of fire,
no you aren't even close.
stay away from me.
stay away from him.
stay away from others.
you are poison.
envious
angry
and dangerous.

my dear
i'm sure you're fire.
because when my fingertips
actually brush your skin.
you're hot.

my dear
i'm sure you're fire
because almost every time
where we actually touch
i could burn up
and die.

my dear
i'm sure you're fire
because you've left permanent
scars on this world.
and i couldn't think
of a world without a fire
or without passion.
or worse, without
you.

poetry here
is like a diary
in my hands.
here however
i choose to be more creative
close the distance of complains and whines
open spaces
and forgotten pages
with poems.
and i declare
poetry is how i express myself
without talking to many
here, poetry
is my diary

yesterday i took four alieve
today i took four more
tomorrow i could try six
because it's starting to get hard to see
my head hurts
and it may be your fault
but i forgive you.
it'll pass soon
hopefully

i looked ahead in my calendar planner
to where the year ends
and i wrote:
junior year over.
one more to go.
and summer
but i felt the thickness between those pages from january to june
and a little bit of despair
set over.
that's a long time.

and you would never believe
the way i look at you
my dear, i wish you knew
how my eyes and heart soften
and how my heart
threatens to melt
whenever you smile.
even if it's not for me.
i like seeing you genuinely happy
than the hard stare i usually gain.
so i keep fighting to make you smile.

S
that new years kiss could of meant
anything.
but i felt spontaneous.
you are the embodiment of music,
dear boy
don't stray from that path
the number 4,000 suits you

K
you opened up to me completely
and we're my new friend
but lately i've sensed you closing off
i'm not sure if it's the stress of memorizing
or the fact i'm trying to be
his new gem.

M
since freshman years we've been friends
and i've done everything for you
here and there
and everywhere.
but it seems you've found new friends.
i wish you would remember me

C
my dear
i consider you the king
of the universe.
don't give me that harsh stare
i prefer it when you smile.

K
you were my first love
but i hated myself.
and i was scared.
and even though
you live a world away
you are now my best friend

how saturdays and sundays
**** me
is
how
the word
"weekend"
means two days
in which i
worry

i tread on spikes
whenever you're near.
the memories of you and me
i don't care to remember.
if i were honest
i would tell you:
my memories of
us
makes me cringe.
to put it out of my mind
i imagine the memory of you in a box
and then light it up.
i imagine shooting you to outer space
never to be seen again.
but they come back.
i'm treading on spikes.
stop
plaguing me.
please.
i'm sorry.

i would learn german
to tell you two things
one would be
ich glaube an dich
i believe in you
the other:
ich liebe dich
i love you.

be yourself
is what they say
and what if i don't want to
what if i don't even like myself
if i said that
i know you would grow quiet
so i don't
i just reply
"i try."
and don't get me wrong
i do try
but i'm also
quick to give up
because being liked
is what i want
and i'm afraid that it
will change
so i conform to you
that's most comfortable.

be myself
i try.

i can...
what can i do?
there is little amount of doubt
in everything
but that doubt can be encasing
bringing more than one down with it
the doubt we have is natural
an instinct if you will,
that helps us survive.
but that encasing on some people
can paralyze them.
doubt can be eliminated
because people do make mistakes
just learn from them
i wish i could follow
my own advice.