fleeting glances,
i was worried you weren't here,
but i passed you in the hallway
and that's all i need
to set me up for a good day.

|m.s.

tonight, you drove me home.
at the restaurant you were quiet.
your eyes spoke of exhaustion,
yet you made your rounds.

you were quiet.
but once we got back in the car
you sprang to life once again.
loud, laughing...lovely.

after this week,
everything was worth it.
every tear,
and every headache.

when you pulled up to my house,
you just gave me this look.
you were quiet again.
and i just looked back at you.
living, limitless...lasting.

the thought of kissing you passed by,
but i slipped out of the car
and grabbed my things,
thanking you.

and instead of saying i love you.
i told you to drive safely,
because i felt that was the best to do.

after i closed the door,
i watched you drive away,
back to the road, home bound.
and part of me thought
"what if?"

but i'm not all about
the hypothetical,
what happened, happened,
and tonight, you drove me home.
loud, laughing, lovely, living, limitless, and lasting.
and i love you.

|m.s.

why can't  you think
of how your actions
cause negative consequences
where i trip over my own feet
in attempts to get away from you,
so you can't see
where my heart chips, breaks,
and the stones,
falling heavy into the ocean,
that send tidal waves
only one third survivable.

where most of the time
i see no reason to try to swim,
i can't control my arms
and i choose just to drown
in flowing rivers,
and collapse within myself
like a flower that's seen it's
time in the spotlight of life.

you make me cry a lot.

|m.s.

my heart is continuously breaking,
yet i keep subjecting it to these conditions:
of warm and cold climates of his personality.
my mind is starting to scream at me "no."
that i can't do this anymore
that i can't take the shock

i spend time tracking minutes and hours
when i should be realizing that time
is passing too quickly.

but then i spend time regretting
spending time tracking minutes and hours
and i should really just be enjoying myself.

but then i come to a place where
static is in my brain
and i just want to die
because disney movies are making me cry.
i've grown up too quickly
and sure i flaunt the fact that i am eighteen now
but really it's a curse.

i reach for the source of my demise,
and gently place it,
in the hands of my betrayal.
my heart doesn't know any better.
my heart only tries to be elastic,
bending back against the constraints of my chest.
i place it in the hands of my betrayal,
before my mind and heart
can come to a mutual agreement
that trust isn't the right option
and i'll go back to feeling broken.
my heart doesn't know any better,
and half the time i don't think
my mind knows any better either.
we're both resilient,
in silent ways.
we kind of recover.
my heart only tries to be elastic,
but elastic wears out.
how long will i continue to trust?

|m.s.