i guess this next week
won't be spring break
but winter break part two
and this next week
i won't see you.
and part of me aches
to see you in the morning
with wet hair
and sleepy eyes
attempting to finish the homework
you didn't the night before.
and part of me aches
to see you at lunch
with dry hair
and awake eyes
eating apple after apple
your friends and i give you.
so this next week
i will be apart from you
i'll still see you in the morning
but at lunch is a different story
i won't be bringing you apples.

the overwhelming
reminder
that i like you
has hit me head on.
like a car.
i had no time
to look in the headlights.
or perhaps i did.
perhaps the headlights,
were your eyes
and the car was your hug,
your arms the force
around me.
you and i are the car wreck
my dear.
and honestly, i don't think
i want it any other way.

speaking of bruises
my dear
when you remembered
you had given me a few
you ducked your head
as if embarrassed
or ashamed.
and i told you it was okay
because it is okay.
i don't mind
our sword fighting
having strength tests.
my dear, i don't mind
if i did
i would of been mad
or walked away crying.
as i have done before.

you could say
i'm bitter.
i guess i didn't have
enough sugar added.
that recipe
sugar and spice
and everything nice?
i got none of the chemical x.
i'm have no powers.
i must have gotten some spice
something bitter
something sour
that any of the sugar
if none
will push back
the bitterness.

today i remembered i like you.

my dear
it sure has been awhile.
i don't see you very often
but i still bring you apples at lunch
i still fix your hair,
i still steal a stare at you
across the hall
but pretend to be too busy reading
or homework, or drawing.

when really i should give you a smile.

today
you gave me a hug
out of no where
i didn't even have to ask.
and i just waned...
i just wanted to bury my face there
and inhale your scent and relax
because i'm so stressed.

my dear
thank you for the hug
i should of said thank you
but i proceeded to tell E.
that you hated me
and i don't know why.
E. replied that you love her
and i must of had some look on my face
and she added you two are good friends.
that's odd because i didn't tell her
i like you.
well you don't act that way with me
was my response,
i've had bruises,
i know this
i hear it but i do not tell her
and it isn't abuse
it was sword fighting.

he's tougher with me
rougher with me
someone once told me
you know he's not the same with you
perhaps he's shy?
perhaps he does like you?
and i couldn't believe
and i dismissed the thought until now
because i don't want to get my hopes up.

my dear,
you claim to not hate me.
but some days i just cry
because that seems to be a lie.
some days you swat me away,
or tell me to go away
your eyes get stormy
your complexion dark
and i can't help but to feel sorry
for what i did
if i did do something.
and i sit here crying
writing this poem for you
that you'll never read.

i don't understand
and you looked genuinely sorry
i told you, you had told me
"one day i'll be your friend
the next i'll knock you down a peg."
my dear,
you looked shocked,
your eyes widened
in a reaction i haven't
figured out yet.
you looked...sorry.
possibly even guilty.
and those brown and green eyes
were wide
and again
i'm not used to
having your full attention.

my dear,
you told me you were sorry.
and it was my turn to be shocked.

and i come back to the moment
full circle
where i remember that
i like you.
i remember again
and i won't stray.

there's an old saying
don't keep secrets
from the ones you love
it kills them.
if it kills them,
then i should see
so many tombstones
reading R.I.P.
curiosity killed me.
satisfaction, i won't give.
satisfaction won't come from my secrets.
satisfaction
relates to something happy
i am not happy
my secrets are not diary crushes
or exciting stories
they are good news.
my secrets are dark
twisted macabre fairy tails
that i give a lackadaisical
approach to writing.
if a secret does slip out
i try to recant
i don't want to see your mood
go saturnine
and your day raze down about you.
there's an old saying
don't keep secrets
from the ones you love
it kills them.
what someone doesn't know
won't **** them.