and i get left behind again
on the road to achieving happiness
but it'll last
by now you deserve peace.
you've been through so much.
so it doesn't really matter
if i'm left behind again.
i'd rather see your happiness,
than mine.

if you stop
and wait long enough,
you can see my life build itself up.
going through the industrialization of happiness.
things seem to be looking up.
and then slowly
one worker slips
it's over extended itself on building up.
the resources are gone.
then they all start to.
it seems that war
inner and outer conflict; turmoil
has become the rival, t
he other power
versus the good.
it's black or it's white.
that seems to be my life.
there is no grey.
i'm not mysterious.
i'm not magical.
i'm not the face everyone inspects
not the voice everyone listens to.
it seems to be like a cold
(depression that is)
crawling back at unsuspecting times of my life.
reaching out to the light and strangling it.
i suppose you would try to understand.
maybe even try to help.
but in the end
like the industrialization of my happiness
your loyalty will crumble as well,
and i'll be left to my own devices.
and they're not dull.

you pulled me in your arms
and i wanted to melt
but i threw up guards
thick sheets of ice
quickly i wanted to
remove you from me.
quickly before i cry.
i don't want to cry
not at school and not with you
i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine
cliché as if stuck on repeat
or as if to sway myself
into believing.
so i turn away
and walk away
ice coating
my retreating back.

i've decided that
i need sunlight to be happy
and honey, you're a little cloudy.
the forecast calls for a little fog
and they say it might rain.
so i wait at the window.
for the weather to clear.
and hopefully
this cloudy weather
will clear from your eyes.

the message glares
back up at me.
i can't reply.
i don't want to.
instead i'll shove you away
as you told me you would do
watch me close shop
into myself
a tall being with four limbs
becoming round.
let me fold into myself.
i'm an armadillo.
i'm protected here.
away from your secrets
that hurt me.

i guess honestly
what i've been waiting for
in this harsh winter
is the sun.
and the constant
cool breeze.
spring is on it's way
and nostalgia
i think what it is most
is the slightly
frozen air
but thaw enough
to make me smile.
rather than sputter.