i look for you
in every white car
on the streets.
as if by chance,
you would be in one
as i pass.
but life
doesn't work that way
but tomorrow i'll see you.
and i hope i earn a smile.

i'm one
small piece away
from giving you the bird
and letting myself
swan dive
over the cliff
to the oblivion.
what's the use
with all you people
if none of you care.
this is my anger showing
i hope you see it
read it
and weep.

i haven't talked
to you today
and
i'm depressed.
the ideas
keep hurting me
what if you don't
notice
that i wanted to see
what would happen.
it's pathetic
i know but
do i really brighten your day?
i'm scrambled
i'm sorry
this poem makes little sense
and later i'll look back
and see my unhappiness.

sometimes i think
that my compliments
go to people i want to impress
or make them like me
because i don't want to be not liked
and the problem of that matter is
i tell you readers this
is that more than often
i've felt
not welcome.

what are the consequences
if i lean towards you
in the car tonight.
just a slight lean
a moment
of deafening silence
your music blown away
by the intensity of our stares.

if i leaned in
signifying i would want a kiss
what would that mean?
i guess you would found out then
but what's the problem
people keep telling me to tell you anyway
but there are distant forevers
and i'm not a forever.
i'm just a present
two or three weeks
kind of gal.

i must look stupid
just smiling at you
in replies,
or to make some
reaction to what you said
i know i must look stupid.
i feel it.
what else do i say?
i want to win you over
have my name
engraved
on a golden cup
held under your heart.

i'm sorry
i'm not much help
i know i offered
and i try
but in the end
i just end up watching you
staring.
i know staring isn't kind
but you aren't a stranger
or at least not as much as
you used to be
and i go lengths
to watch.
but when you look at me
i look away.
i know i offered to help
but the truth is
i just wanted
to spend time with you.