Family first,
Success second,
Futures bright,
Silver linings aligned across the never ending sun set.
In a world where you can not reverse the hands of time to a memory much more valuable than living  every day differently.
Feet planted firmly on the ground,
Fate that lays ahead.
While angels sing a song about the living dead.
And anguish burns brightly in afflicted and tormented hearts.
This is not the ending but only the start.

I was dumb,
I was strung.
I was up then I was hung,
Step on the chair,
say a prayer,
and let go.
A floating spirit, I am from here to there.
It is fair, that suffer comes along,
From the choices I was coerced upon.
I have been reborn into satan's spawn,
And this is a rampage that I am on.
I was spun.

When I saw the rush of red
I panicked
sobered up
Ambien no longer had its sleepy hands around my throat
I threw my silver knight against the shower wall
Ran out shivering and naked into the hallway
Dripping life force
I made the mistake of telling someone
Because only the next day in the white four walled cell containing me
Did I realize how much I wanted to no longer exist
I laid in bed for three days on and off crying and shaking
Finally got released
To an even more cold family
Even more estranged from everyone I know
And everyone that thought they knew me
I act happy jump threw your hoops
Make sure I seem back to normal
And every night go to bed
praying to not wake up in this life

In school, they never really teach you what to do when a demon taps on your shoulder, leaving a stain on your favourite shirt that only gets bigger. They don’t teach you that he’ll have sharp teeth and no tongue, his body transparent and his mind a highway in LA during rush hour. They don’t talk about how the stain he left on your shirt will somehow seep in between your skull and your brain. At first, it isn’t that bad. Nobody warns you that he will be able to place parts of himself in between your ribs, twisting and squeezing until you go to wail of pain, but nothing comes out. Nobody warns you that nobody can see the weights he is placing on your shoulders.
Soon, he will be under your pillow, and when you place your head down he whispers everything you hate to hear into your ears and makes it too loud to sleep. Soon, he will be there physically. He is the bags under your eyes; he is the bones sticking out of your back due to weight loss, because he tells you not to eat. Your doctor will give you medication. But it will only put him to sleep. He is always there.
Do not let him win. You are bigger than him. You have life. You can go to concerts and feel how the bass replaces your pulse, you can feel the sun warm the back of your neck, and you have the ability to create life. You can create anything you want to. There is no such thing as bad art. Let your emotions out. Scream at him to leave you alone, to go away; and soon, he will. Your ribs will be ribs and those weights on your shoulders will be gone. The stain he left on your favourite shirt will no longer be there, and you will be alive again.

"Keep quiet
why do you always have to yell?"
If I kept it down,
I fear you wouldn't hear me
well enough
"Just slow it down.
You're talking at a mile a minute."
If I talk fast it's only because
I fear I don't have enough time
to say what I need to say
"Do you have to swear so much?
it sounds ugly. It doesn't sound smart."
If I swear
It's only because I fear your loss of attention
"Why do you always sound so sad?
Just smile.
Lighten up."
If I sound sad
depressed
upset
it is only because
I fear for you

the taste in the air
                is unfair
the reason is lost
       at what cost
I will write and
          write
till late into the night, even as my sight dims and my neck bones, ache to feel the soft pillow
of an easy night
no battle, no plight,
and I will lay
beside what I
delight in
and as she rests
I hear her breath
and hope that she will say, "tell me a story, please..."
then I would
tell her of a lover
and the battle of
untold cost
for the love, of a queen
I would tell her about
a knight who could tame
dragons, without raising a
sword, I would tell her about
a place far away, where we
found a treasure together
in stormy weather and the
odds were us and against us as well
and under a knell we found
what we were on this quest for
a pair of joined hearts.
To be shared and beat the  same rhythm
as years go by when one laughs the other
may cry, never to be alone or far
from home, sharing breath, speaking
silence, the eyes say it all...
...I love you.


©DWE112013