i wanted you to feel exactly how you already feel under corona to feel exactly how you feel i wanted corona under you miserable exactly to feel to feel outside yourself and you without yourself

you wanted lines of passengers vivisecting boxes and makeshift interiors

i wanted exactitude nectar falling from the split of the earth above and the buzzing of wilderness and the shrill call of warblers beneath the parking lot as attendants squirt hand sanitiser into open palms

the other day night fell and i never made it back the next day everything was as it was again i woke a blinding white expanse ceaseless static clinging to my arms like cobweb falls

i wanted a holy verification in the cantaloupe and the cattail

did you know? it grows on the edges of highways and undisturbed plateaus. it brokers nothing. you find it between being and becoming. the panic of not.

the beginning and end of every sentence is indefinite
this is the aim of every death

keep the door wide shut
let the groan steep
and exit in the blue of night

its all a blur
mouth decorous bloom
and bile above

the ceaseless being of your mouth grapples awful its gray arrest and morning stupor where no one is awake the faint corners of your room block colour monogram the rain has stopped folded into yesterday like all things coming into light wet figments cling and ghosts drop between particles of dirt the earth in tremors sometimes jets of ink raise limp drowned cloth you'd rather forget the light has shifted garrulous open open i am propped blank and disused in the litter wind fragments of sundry love cast me acid e and bright hell washed like golden rays on a body returned to conception dysphoric machine theatre assemblage all tragedy makes me laugh split the earth *** on the ground do you love yourself so much you wear a mask of your own face drawn thinner and thinner until no distance remains i am saturnine liminal endless for all deaths are a movement

the nightmare is adjusting
do you remember three times three times three
it was golden lights beneath a midnight harbor
and sweat and rain and
trauma undoing all you loved

i was empress
and you were time

because this is your form in broken scripts.

and lust without courage is fright so immense you cannot walk out the door.

Trauma is a death you cannot die.