I try to write of happiness
Yet I bleed between the lines
My prose, it isn't pleasant
My words are heavy and dark
I've seen the light through
The pieces of my shattered heart
And as I heal the anger grows
The hunger explodes
To let them know
I didn't go down,
I never gave up,
I refuse to stop
I may struggle to be 'normal'
I may fight to keep the peace
But though you tried your hardest
I didn't go down,
I never gave up
I refuse to stop

Drown your sorrow in the bottle
As you reach the bottom you'll forget about tomorrow
His face will fade, her words will change
The world will seem so clear
The haze surrounding your eyes will dim
To your alcohol fueled cries
Nothing will be the same as you remember
It will fill your brain with lies
Create your new reality
With dark warm liquid fueling your fire
Your dreams will be all that you desire
Sad things will fade, along with your memory
But it will all come back tomorrow

Life is too busy with its own simple demands,
And subtle rejections for dreamers. She's been asleep
For a day and a half, but she hasn't closed her eyes
In over twenty four hours. She watches the
Clock, begging it to move slowly. Just give her
A little longer in her blanket, her bed, her
Fortress, before the day has to begin.

She lays frozen, like a fleshy Popsicle,
Waiting for even hunger to offer a different
Feeling. Life, with its tedious footsteps into the
Office, and its lonesome visits to the shrine of the
Porcelain god, for a moment of silence from
Chatter over coffee, and the tapping of
Keyboards; life is too noisy for dreamers.

Just let her sleep a while longer,
For dreams and darkness offer more
To a mind starved for beauty,
Than sunlit strolls to crowded buildings
Ever did. She drinks her coffee with only
One sugar, five times a day. She fills her
Blood with caffeine and time. She watches the
Clock, daring it to move quickly. She screams
Inside her head until it's time to go home, and
Lay back in bed.

selfish. it's what we are
"he means the world to me"
"oh, i'm so happy for you"

no, you're not.
you want to be.
but you can't help but think

why not me?

you love your friend, but.
but.
you want it too. you want the love
the beauty. the success.
the perfection.

you put on the smile, while jealousy
burns your insides
selfish.

it's human nature.
we want everything for ourselves
and are greedy over other people's
miseries
we pretend to care. we pretend to take action.
in reality, we snicker on the inside

"thank god i'm not her"

you console.
but you're happy.
because it's not you
you offer words.
but they're empty
you hold them.
but your arms are no shelter

everyone is so selfish
the ignorance burns their skin
like branding irons


blistering, how can they not notice?

the gaping hole creeps. like shadows
lurking in daylight.
it comes suddenly, and i know
there is no way to stop it.
it will be there.
forever.
anything can invoke it,
a song, a smile, a thought.
the pain comes, then. searing.
as i stare at the two, the pain increases.
when i was younger, i had no
one to turn to. i was by myself.
i wrote stories and my imagination
soared.
i will never be able to
experience such closeness, because
it terrifies me.
even when i got close, they fled.
what if it happens again?
too big of a risk.
so i keep quiet while my eyes
gaze over and thoughts
overflow my brain.

i'll be okay.

just not now.

Roses sing softly through whispering petals,
Gently stroking upon each others' own.
Similar is the sound, when all else rests,
Of sweet breath escaping lips royally throned.
I wish she would take me home.

Sunset, sunrise,
Chasing the moon girl, no surprise.
How long i have longed to catch her eyes,
Baby blue by nature, baby blue in mine.
Gold embroidered galaxies tells the false man lies.

Heart beats fast,
Bass drops low.
Twisting, turning, head spinning, falling.
How did we get here? Where do we go?
Covalently bonded, nowhere is everything now.

Sing to me
Caress me with your lullaby
Let the notes float around my skin
And attach themselves to me
Pull me close to your chest
Lay my head on your heart
So i can hear the rhythm of your soul
The percussion of your being
Push your lips to my lips
Let them play
Let them curl around eachother
Urgent and lovely
Breath me in
And let your kisses fall
Like raindrops on my cheeks
Look into my eyes
Hold me there
Come into me
See the complexities of my mind
Feel the passion racing through my veins
Hear the music of my essence
Smell the beauty in my blood
Taste the darkness in my brain
Perceive the universe around us
Only us
The sun, the moon
See the stars scald
the entire indigo sky stops
As we lay in blissful ignorance
As you love me to sleep

Your eyes trace notes onto the pages of my skin
like my lips composing music along the scales of your neck
Every time you look at me I feel the ocean rush in
and your waves splash around, like a drum, in my chest
Your fingers play my heart strings like a base guitar
slow, heavy, and dripping with thoughtful sweat
Play me till your hands need sleep and your tongue grows heavy
The piano keys you're searching for are carved into my back
Black, white and easy.