When I'm under the covers I can be anywhere
Besides theses walls
Or amongst tall trees.
Does not limit where I ought to be
I sing a chime
A tune
A crime
Thinkin' of where she'd want to be.
Can't move time.
Or stop disease.
Time moves forward still.
No need to worry about horrible things.
Just jumpin excited of where she can really be.
Wondering if she'll ever belong anywhere but here.
Underneath some covers
Could be anywhere
On couch in a chair
Just not here please...

You miss their laughs
Their bodies against yours
Exchanges of coughs and giggles and unlikely scenarios.
Sounds of ice clank against cold glasses
Their smiles
Their hugs
Her squeals and oh my gods of excitement.
You miss it all with great sadness.
But it was what it was and it can never go back to what it was
Just memories now.
Scraps of paper and photographs as proof that they are real.

In someone's warm embrace is where the darkness begins to lift off.
Evaporating.
Letting the caged heart breathe again.

I know better, but I've still been feeding the cycle.
It eats funny things.
Like.. Not eating..
Or alcohol
Or it swallows a **** whole..
Whatever it is..
It seems worth it at the time,
But when I look back, it feels like I got the short end of the stick.
Slender body for a mangled mind.
Cutting corners because I need it now.
If I don't feed it.
Then it taunts my pride.

"Stupid girl.

Disgusting cow

You have no control.

You don't deserve to be pretty if you can't control yourself..

What a joke, you actually thought that anyone could actually love you?

You knew deep down he was just using you.

So stupid.

Why don't you just shrivel up and die, you will never be able to get the only thing you want."

It crushes love with its verbal venom.

All the inspiration in the world could pass me by but I can't reach out because I put myself in cuffs.
Punishing myself for the love I was not able to achieve.

Longing.. aching..  wailing for another soul.

Another soul to cry about life's puddles with through intertwined limbs.


Another soul to start the cycle all over with..

I've been trying to deny the feelings to myself.
Because talking about them makes them seem real.

Had no idea where I was
But I found a way back.


It wasn't so much that I wanted to **** myself.
It was more so that I had convinced myself that I had to.
The hurt was all too much and dark that the little rays of sunshine didn't matter.
Is feeling better the lifting of this stone heavy weight in my heart.
In light flutters that dance twice the night.
I'm just another hopeless romantic that roams the streets alone, all day and night.
It was then driving again that I had realized that what I had crying and moaning about was so silly in the grand scheme of things.
I guess I could laugh at my silly self induced sufferings.
But why was I drawn there?
Why did I feel paralysis in this state?
So eager to believe that there was really an escape.
An escape to what?
Nothingness?
Not... Paradise, but nothing.
I still had a little hope that I could find the light after all.
To one day look back at it all and laugh..
Laugh at my nativity, vulnerability, and innocence.
Thank all those who helped transform me by betraying me, ignoring me, leaving me, seducing me, then leaving me again.
To those who gave a little bit of their tender love..
But they were just exploring it all.
Never unfolding the true flowering potential of us all.