More along the lines
of my loneliness discord,
I stepped into the crime
of a *****, painful sword.

Too many closing doors,
and sorrow always there,
a memory has flood the moors
of my eyes a-brim with tears.

We have watched the sacred clock,
tick-tocking away delight,
yet never understood the shock
that something was not quite right.

Tomorrow's now never hoped for,
yesterday's a shattered dream,
we now crouch behind a closed, locked door,
and in silence loudly scream.

“The rest is silence.”"-A. Crowley

I

I will know you only because
you are known to me deep down
beneath the subtle shadows carved
permanently upon your deceivingly
angelic face
sculpted by an artist
nameless to none but the heavy slab of stone
he used to create an ache
I’ve come to want to know as you
whose soft and silent rolling voice
where from there springs the torrents
of a turmoil melting like wax
in the mixed up chasm
of your mind
the destroyer of your smile
the reminder of bad times
that causes me to know you and from where you come
riding in bare-back
jet-black hair flying on
the hated molten roaring
riveted steel furnace
of inner anguish
again
and again
you beautiful deadly diamond black jewelry rose
of unworldly charm and perfected pain.

II

This is how I know you
in the steamy swelter of the nightfall’s
stifling bluish pall
you and I alone somewhere
anywhere
but probably nowhere
between the silken smooth heavenly legs of
here and there inside
the broken smoked crystal chandelier
of an ancient chamber room illuminated by
the flicker of more than fifty slowly disappearing
jutting candle-flames
I know you
because you make yourself known
to me
on the black-satin wrinkled bed-sheets that
we lie
writhing around upon like two
dying dancing angels
being swallowed by the suffocating oil
of a shame we bother created
just like gods
or dancing dancers dancing slowly
dying
in the pallid ***** fuming fog
…dancing with the gods.


you are as I know you
silhouetted in the silence of our
ecstatic shattered sighs
as we fly through lust’s futile passions where
we lie, we lie
we lie…

III

You are crawling across
the one-thousand mile mattress
stalking towards me
starvation’s fire fuels
your steely-sharp brown eyes
leopard-like your lithe,
tiny olive-brown body poised
ready to pounce
ready to strike
arrayed in skin-tight crimson lace
deadliness flashing on your face
your ******* dark and pointy ******* feel
fit for me to fed the song—
I smile—
then with healthy, stealthy fury
you leap
and pin me down
trapping
me between these shiny sheets of coal
and your sweeping feline glowing
perfumed-prison hair
polished glossy ruby fingernails
dig deep
into my massive arms
ivory razor-baring teeth
bite my hips
my neck
my chest
my thighs
you stop just in time
to devour me
delightfully
rocking, reeling in the sounds of us around
the intoxicating scent of your
flaming fountain-***
colognes my livid throbbing burning *****
I yell
I try to scream
I want to cry
…but instead, drift off to dream.

IV

You lie awake
aiting watching and waiting allowing
your imagination and your hands
on a journey to your ever-lingering
flaming fury far beyond the heights of hunger’s call
just as we have done no doubt
without each other
for a long time
in the cold
in and out
up and down
back and forth
body arches
thighs uptight
muscular calves quivering
toenails clenching like an eagle’s talons
on the bed
--lift high your sweet holy offering to the air!

Hands wet and warm fly from the glistening
magic perfect patch of forever music
that makes me want to weep
you scream
I awake
we breathe deep
we go back.
Repeat the scene.

V

Pre-dawn purple painted brush-strokes streak the sky
framed by the window where I know I will find you
in nothing more than a gown of sleek vermillion
light-chamois
that displays the room glow striking at your body’s faint
outline
your slender legs
your precious girlish hips
that golden chain around your waist
Divine
your blushing tearless chiseled cheeks
I arise
and walk behind you
run my trembling fingers up your spine
I still don’t really know you as your sighs compete with
mine
you reach around and lead me away
behind a peeling splintered door
warped and withered with
dismay
where you will teach me how to paint
by spilling your blood in
splatters
upon the floor
in said consequence I
calmly take the blade from
your tiny talking hands
pull your slashed and sliced torn wrists
to my tongue
and slowly lick
with a lingering criminal kiss
the dripping cuts that begin to fade
and go away forever in the day
now that the wounds have disappeared
becoming scarless
bloodless
sere
I can but heal your beaten lost youthful body
although I cannot convince you that
I care.
Daylight here.

VI

I know now that I know now
that I know you
and in the ****
with suntanned bodies wind kiss-hissing
through our hair
we walk side by side
on the blistering shoreline sand
avoiding bits of broken glass bottles
one by one
if we can
slowly strolling to the edge of the
abysmal eternal
emerald omniscient ocean-waves
breaking
ttundering
blanketing our feet
spraying its mist upon
our hands
I stop
you sprint
on diving headlong at the deep
the foamy water roars
and roars
you emerge and approach the shore
standing straight along
beside me
to stare
at a pair of grayish seagulls circling
in the air
squawking songs about themselves
when before the breathing of a minute
one
bird drops dying dead to feed
the never-ending belly
of the sea
the other screeches viciously
mourning
you look
at me
and then I come to know now how to know you
now that you have at last known me
as your part your pink and precious lips
for the first time
we will ever kiss
as you finally cry for
our
reality.

That is not sand left clinging to your cheeks
Just the salty tears we need
To set us free.

Now you can bury you and me.


(Threnody means “funeral chant.”)

Sickness beware,
I will be there,
Weakness watch out,
I'll be her crutch,
Sadness, oh you,
Can back away,
'Cause I'll keep her from your rain,
Anger, calm down,
I will stay my ground,
Fear, fear me,
dare not come near me,
Forget about failure,
Lose all the lies,
All you demons beware,
For her,
I'll be there.

GUILTY KISS

Love is never really what it seems
Love is never as it is in dreams
If love is going to be like this
Then I don't want your guilty kiss

I waited so long to hear you say
That you want to kiss me every day
I waited here for you to be
The man I built up in my dreams

You're the one I waited for
You're the reason for my open door
I don't like to pour my heart to men
They always hurt me in the end

I hate the way you say my name
Like I'm the subject of your game
I got caught in all your lies
'Cause I was foolish and unwise

Please don't say you're sorry for this
I don't want your guilty kiss
I don't want you to break my heart
I just wanted you to take my heart

Love is never very real
It's nothing that you wish to feel
Everything you dream is fake
It will all fade when you wake

Forever I would dream of kissing you
Never thought I would be missing you
But I don't trust you anymore
Please get away from my closed door

Don't lean in to kiss me now
You've broken every single vow
Just walk away and leave me here
I want to drown here in my tears

Maybe one day you will see
That you and I were meant to be
But you're not the man I want to miss
And I don't want your guilty kiss.

Emily I miss you
This nocturnal void engulfs me
There's no knowing where I'm going
All I feel is the astonishment your love left  
The distant dream I long to live
Is only a nostalgic vibe I fear
Emily I miss you
My tongue is tangled with our thoughts
Grazing everlasting dust of what was lost
The stale taste I bear hinders my intuition
But the burden will drive me out of submission
Though motivation has grown thin
Wasted away like somber wind
Emily I miss you
Scorched, livid, and ready to berate
Your supple skin drowns my hate
This torrid relation is pressed against all my weight
Emily I miss you
Its been a long time since I've seen you smile
I grow weary coping with denial
While our trust once solid  begins to rust
With trepidation I wait knowing my tarnished heart's been destroyed by lust
I miss you, Emily

Beautiful boy
Fairytale frog
Stupid girl
Like a loyal dog

A magic gem
that lost it's shine
It ceased to sparkle
When you weren't mine

A secret place
Too long lost
Heart of gold
Bitten by frost

A special love
that's disappeared
Now there's just me,
And hate, and fear

The star that shot
Left me here alone
With nothing else to do
But make my way home

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              **** myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ **** you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)

Aware, this stand, this spinning step,
My less than charming epithet.
In plain sight, my heart at best.
Alive and weary, with all the rest.
The dream, the dream, this waking dream,
Nothing is quite as it seems.
An anchored heart, a feather in air,
The love, in love, the irreverent dare.
I know, I know, it's all so numb,
Soothe your breast with the soft hum,
Of dreams, of light, and memories lost,
A curse to know its true cost.

Was it you that said these words,
That fall from lips to be unheard?
To reveal your heart, your blistering soul,
And come to me, to assume its role.
A vibrant dance, with forked tongues,
And a crowding darkness to shade the Sun.
The decision to be, a crossroads at best,
Of life, or love, I do detest.

In truth, I come to choose the latter,
To hope, and wish, "if I had her"
All these things that could have been,
This dark that strives to be unseen.