when you are alive you remember
the taste of dried blood and salty tears
tears you cried in a past life half remembered
soaking the ratty fur of an old stuffed animal
trying to remember
what it feels like to be sung to and held
poems written in sand
and on skin
and in the brain
are lost lost lost forever
photos that watch
and photos that are lost
photos of you that don't look like you
photos of people you forgot the name of
and places you've never been to
photos of people you've never met but you love anyways
photos of him that make you feel
like your heart is going to spill over
blood and glitter coating every surface you touch
don't touch me
don't touch me
don't touch me
i'm unstable
i'm not real
i'm not real
i'm not real

i cant
                                                         tell the
              difference
                                                                                               between
                                               rea
                                                                                      lity
         and dreams
                                                        any more?
                                                                                                    ?

the days of summer's heat
the scent of stale air
dry grass under my feet
wisteria in my hair

the bugs sing out loud
as the sun goes to bed
heavy purple clouds
float around my head

warm august nights
the asters sway like stars
twinkling faerie lights
bind dreams in honey jars

i want to drink the rain
straight from the storm
i want to feel its pain
i want to feel its warmth

the silver scalpel
scrapes
against steel blue veins

sparks
the sickening metallic sound
like a gasp

sparks
the sickening metallic smell
of fresh blood

sleep well,
precious one.
sweet dreams.

have you ever had a dream
so good
that you felt light crashing through the sky
thought you'd wake up when you died
but you didn't?

you can dissolve into chemicals
so sweet
that the devil's face is in your eyes
and your hands are pinned by your side
but you aren't afraid?

you can caress that nightmare
be brave
and wake up feeling like a ray of light
be proud that you survived the night
to fall in love again?

between these
fluffy ears
there is infinite dream space

so come
take a rest
nestled in the grass

under a snowy blanket.
come,
take it slow

leave your worries
to the birds,
and close your eyes.

when the blood
dries from your claws,
you won't even realize that

I can't hear myself breathe
I can't hear my own pulse
all I hear is


.