So I'm sitting here kind of awake
This is probably for you make no mistake
I can't help but feel your stress and pain
I call myself genius to some I'm just insane
I had a dream last night and I actually remembered
That I have a friend this crazy September
I really don't know what you will bring to share
Honestly I dont even care
Sorry that kind of sounded wrong
Perks of writing a random poem and or song
Anyway for whatever reason your helping make it right
Because down and depressed and I still find the urge to write
I suppose I owe you another thank you
For whatever it is that you do
I hope you were able to smile today
I did just for a short while anyway
So I guess this is a hello and goodnight
Tossing and turning in my nightmares I will help you fight

I do a lot of great things and I really do like me
I can honestly look into the mirror and see beyond insecurity
But when I slip and become that blurry shadow of shame
Your there to prove its all true and I'm just part of your game
I feel like I'm above average and that feels good
On any given day this goes away because your misunderstood
I can look at myself and say I love you
Those dark days you make it feel so untrue
I can love myself for me but I have my dark days
The only time you want to love is when your ready to prey
I may be yours for now, but do know this
I will stop you  from putting holes in my happiness

The sun hazed out by the winters snow.
Time will rot, for time is to slow.
It’s to late now all has gone up in smoke
And in the warmth I was just a joke
Now frozen to the bone we try to survive
Doing all we can to stay alive
I pray for protection from the frost giants that near
The torturing of this slow death we all fear
If we make it through this cold night
Will we awake tomorrow with our sight
Frozen, Frozen, Frozen
The doors to life are closing
As the sun takes a peak it smiles as if he’s teasing
Only for us to try and cry, we were freezing
the temperature goes down even colder
I was so cold I could not even hold her
Frozen, frozen, frozen
This is not the life I have chosen

Hey there stranger, you want to know something about me?
The struggles from manic thinking to a peaceful zone of apathy
I look in the mirror and think, think back on my childhood days
Hiding in closets, attics and further outside my home
The abuse endured daily, finding comfort being alone
The sadistic thinking of a troubled mother and father
Exhausting my self to please and make you happy, why even bother
The choices you made and the darkness you brought upon me
The self in the mirror is engulfed in a mental, torturous, agony
All the negatives have stored themselves deep within
A look back on any happy days and notice none were mine
I got through it and I moved far and beyond that
They still linger and attack though, pulling me back into the dark
The past haunts in the most unusual and complex ways
I find myself most comfortable on my darkest days
I can smile when I cut myself, punch myself and even eat soap
I look for someone that mistreat me and hang me from this rope
I dont think I can handle or even understand love
Keep smiling as the dusty memories are swept under the rug
Its when that rug is shaken I see and feel the real me
Masochism borderline sadism, stuck in this abuse for eternity
The only thing I know is how to not treat my kids and loved ones
Have yet to slip, only with myself. If that time comes my hand is on the gun

Tonight I drink to forget the harder times
But somehow it creeps in deeper darker and more insane
I want to be happy but the past all that **** still haunts
Smiles and laughs interrupted by old memories that taunt
Everyone says its the past just get over it and move on
Another drink another hit from the ****
I can realize one thing
The past has shaped who I am, still a broken king
I know I'm good and I mean well at least for now
The struggles and torment and I can't help but wonder how
How I made it through so much and am still able to be me
The Frankenstein and discarded freak amongst society
Hated, unloved, just a piece of trash to be thrown away
I suppose I can rise above that, I suppose one day
But until than I will remain a depressed and anxious freak
A better day and better life I will continue to seek

I have this thought, it never leaves my head
I imagine I'm better off gone just a memory, dead
You see, the afterlife is maybe unknown but I am sure
So sure that the pain of this life will end the greatest cure
Than you have the ones that would suffer and relive your pain
Double edged sword, everyone pays the same
Selfish they all say, but I am living for you
I'm miserable and beyond help there's nothing anyone can do
Sure future smiles and laughs I would definitely miss
But look around you, violence, hate, greed, all of this
I am good and I mean even better
But just like a bird that flies gracefully and loses a feather
The bird can fly and carry on a peaceful life indeed
I'm just the falling feather waiting to land, imbed and seed
There's more beyond this life of misery and pain of decaying
When your finally gone and here you'll know what I am saying