It was just the five of us
sitting there by your pool at 3am.
Feet in the water, jeans rolled up to our knees
beers in our right hand and each other to our left
singing old Tom Petty at the top of our lungs.

There was your best friend
who was drunk and singing a goodbye song,
long, slurred laments about
how you were his brother, like a missing tooth
that was pulled to early and left a gap
that your tongue runs over 100 times in a day
until you realize something's missing.
Something's no longer there.
And he'll say things like that
because that's who he is and he'll go to bed real early
because he's sad and tired and you
don't know how to feel that much yet.

There was your cousin in the jacket he stole from you
two weeks ago when he was sleeping on the ground
at a party you dragged him too.
He never learned to whisper and can't keep a secret,
but he made that night feel like it would last forever
and he held your hand through a lot of the bad times
in the trailer before your mom got home.
He'll laugh something stupid with his eyes squinted and you'll hug him
because you can feel he's alive and you want to start living.

There was your weekend warrior
who looked real tough and tan and Italian and
is afraid of who he is
but always knows who you are.

And then there was me.
And then there was you.

You were leaving in a couple weeks
and none of us really knew how to handle that yet.
So we made fun of your baby pictures
that were put into your slideshow and ate all your food
at 1 and then 2 and then 3.
I helped the other boys *** off your railing,
took pictures of your glassy-eyed buddies
trying to hook and capture the memory.

We were tearing down Wyoming,
praying it rained and flooded away
so you'd have nowhere to go and you'd have to stay.

This ain't nothing.
This ain't nothing but people who love you,
washing down their sorrows with a cold glass and a good cheer
to the one we see before he leaves.

And then there was me,
kissing you when your eyes would close
I'll miss you the most.

We slept in your bed alone
no clothes, just my body against yours
clinging to the time we had before morning.
We made love and I mean the real kind of love.
Not the high the five of us had
lying in your grass pretending
we could blow out the stars with a deep "hell yeah!"
But the love where you tell me how important I am to you.
What I've waiting and dying and trying to hear.

Your hand on my hip, you pulled me aside
to let me know you loved me, but just with your eyes.
Some dumb, young kids and real good kiss goodbye.

squeeze you to read you,
the pores that pour out hidden punctuation
that defines and makes and creates pauses for
you to look beautiful in.

there are two velux windows somewhere
in the world that look out onto chimney pots
and rooftops and birds next to each other looking
out over a flight plan that they'll fly together.

in pub seats we'll slide into and across,
placing coats on empty chairs so not to be stolen
and you pause. And out comes a list from behind a breath and a
colon: everything you wish to achieve in a year.

Dear Boy, I have some bad news for you...even though I know you're the definition of what's bad for me, you are tearing down walls that have taken me years to build and you're not even trying
I've fallen in like and I have no sweet clue if the kisses and cuddling and constant texting really mean a thing or if I'm just something to do but nonetheless my walls are shattering without warning

Dear Boy, you are like my fairy tale come true I mean who goes to the beach at night time to lie on a blanket and watch shooting stars pass above us? Who takes me out to dinner knowing I think he's using a gift certificate to pay fully aware that it expired months ago but that's the only way he could get me to go? Who the hell actually continues a should-have-been-a-drunken-one-night-stand once you're sober? But boy, just like every fairy tale you have to have your villainous traits and I'm hesitantly waiting to discover them

Dear Boy, I promise you, I tried...I really did, I told myself a million times not to think good thoughts but we all know how girls minds work, right? I tried not to fall for your smile...the way you get protective when I bring up my past, the way you sway when you hug me, boy, I tried not to fall but I never knew nice guys existed until you came along and you know that I'm a curious person

Dear Boy, why me? You know your baby blues are hard to say no to...that your touch can persuade me so easily, boy you know I can only go so long without getting my hopes up and truth be told I'm scared of the fact that I'm beginning to define myself by how my outline fits against yours...and how when something's wrong the cure is for me to be wrapped in your arms

Dear Boy, you scare me, I've never fallen this quickly or casually before but it's like it snuck up behind me and I find myself missing you, wanting you, craving you like the cigarettes hidden in my back pocket and I'm left at checkmate, I have no more moves against your adorable attacks but I'm scared...I've been through these 'things' before...you wonder why I don't let you buy me things, it's because they will just be the memories I have to throw out when you abandon me like all the others have

Dear Boy, I have sorta-kinda-accidentally-on-purpose fallen in like with you and I never knew nice guys existed until you came along and boy, you've proved me wrong