Classical music
Thin words spread thick
Butter milk expression
Flushed cheecks
No good mornings

I know hurt like the palms of my hands
Angst laced along the lines of my fingers
All I have done once parted from me, became a part of me
Times and thoughts I could not wash off  
Lies and trust I could not make up
Or cover up with new foundation or new foundations
Band aid branded reaching from wrists to lips
I am stuck on bad memories ‘cause bad memories are stuck on me
I am stuck on bad memories but these memories won’t heal me
And maybe one day when I have grown my thickest skin
I can turn a punctured past to paper cuts

I keep forgetting which glass is mine
Oh, what I mess I keep making I can explain
Why I can't shake this second hand weight
Or drown you off my lips
You're laced to my water colored tounge
Buzzing between each breathe I take
Something takes over
Laughs into my ears saying he's already forgotten
Have to convince myself I'd rather be the lost one
Rather be the clif hanger than the unhappy ending
Oh **** I'm sorry
I've stepped in it havent I
All over your shoes I'm so sorry
What a mess I'm making

I want us with capital letters
Direct indication saying, really saying
We are a beginning
I want us from your mouth, eager to speak
Announce and to elevate
Complete with well timed spacing to make it easy
Easier to digest a passage so eloquent
So subtle
So illuminating
That we don't have to say anything
And it still reads right

You are the first
The first to awake me
Out of innocence and my daydreams
Foreignly reckless
Walking with a dawn I could not understand
An infinity laced to your light from which I was reluctant
And yet
I rubbed away all of the night stories
Walking drowsy and half sleeping
Smiling through the warmth of my fantasies

He came over me with power and smoke. No hints of love which I neither asked for nor expected just the blanketing feeling that I was transitioning from something like warm air to something like rain. 
He’d kiss and hold and touch the way I was told the best ones do. Sell me to feel ways I assumed were only available to other people not because I am unworthy just because I felt so small in comparison to the weight he carries with him. 
I stood no chance against my own senses. Captive of a shaking earth with all of its walls but no roof or floors. The only consistency I could reach for ached in my guts every time I saw him. Wanting to be pulled close only to be peeled off flinging him away. 
If I have learned anything it is that he expected nothing and in this I can balance regret sour in my mouth with all his empty words and spines on my lips from where I kissed with the intention of growing private roses.