washed-up, on shore, the old yellow notebook
  out again
  I write from the bed
  as I did last
  year.
  will see the doctor,
  Monday.
  "yes, doctor, weak legs, vertigo, head-
  aches and my back
  hurts."
  "are you drinking?" he will ask.
  "are you getting your
exercise, your
  vitamins?"
  I think that I am just ill
  with life, the same stale yet
  fluctuating
  factors.
  even at the track
  I watch the horses run by
  and it seems
  meaningless.
  I leave early after buying tickets on the
  remaining races.
  "taking off?" asks the motel
  clerk.
  "yes, it's boring,"
  I tell him.
  "If you think it's boring
  out there," he tells me, "you oughta be
  back here."
  so here I am
  propped up against my pillows
  again
  just an old guy
  just an old writer
  with a yellow
  notebook.
  something is
  walking across the
  floor
  toward
  me.
  oh, it's just
  my cat
  this
  time.

To my sweet daughter:
I may not be able to come to every field trip
Because mommy has to work
I may not be able to attend every class party
or every school holiday or every PTA meeting
I want you to know in my heart I am always with you
Even though this life has dealt us a complicated hand
I will do the best I can to be everything you need me to be.
Mom and Dad all in one, provider and parent
My heart breaks that I am not able to always be there
Not able to give you the world like I wanted to before you were
even born.
Know your love fills my heart, know I would lay down my life
to protect you.
Know that I would sacrifice every thing weather it be possessions or persons
For you.
At night I watch you sleep and wonder and pray
That one day you will understand, one day you will see
how much mommy worried for you, wished for you,
How hard mommy tried to be everything
I am sorry sweetie that some days I find myself so
exhausted that I barley have the energy to play
My mind constantly races all night long and all day
Making sure I did everything I needed to for you that day,
making sure I can save for school things like pictures, book fair,
summer camp, valentines. I never want you to go without, and I
promise I will do anything I have to so that you don't have to experience
that feeling.
And if you get a boo boo I will always be there to kiss it and make it better
And if someone breaks your heart I will be there to hug you and buy you
ice cream to make it better.
Seeing you smile lights up my life, is my reason for living
Even though its just mom
I promise that always and forever I will love you
Never dessert you