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miranda schooler Jul 2013
you spilt love too young

too young to know how to bend ;

too little to carry morning dew on your back
you fretted about things that made god angry ,

who sends a wolf to a praying child ,
even if they were born running .
forget dreams that make you old

learn to make love

without breaking everything that  you touch .
miranda schooler Jul 2013
the year we dissected a squid and ate its tentacles piece
by piece down at the pier next to your house was the year
you expanded while I grew into myself .
we kissed one another
like good luck charms ,
like talismans , and used
our bodies in place of
fortune tellers .
I read your palm lines
and came to the conclusion that we would be together forever .
you hated the word forever and settled for a long time .
as we grew more familiar
with one another’s skin ,
I watched my intake .
I wanted nothing but you ,
would inhale nothing but you ,
counted my calories
like sheep before
drifting off to sleep .
the less I ate , the more
room I saved for you .
you wanted to swallow me whole
so I fed myself to you
piece by piece , the tender red flesh of my thumbs
and ******* until they grew bruised
by your mouth .
In those days I ate nothing
but a cup of cold cereal .
when we watched the whales dive in the surf ,
slapping the water like winners of an arm wrestling match ,
you were almost as giant as their cavernous ribs .
I was smaller than the smallest school of fish .
I wanted to fade into you, into the house of your lungs ,
so I spent hours ******* in my ribs in front of the mirror .
we became opposites of one another .
but in the end , my wish to become part of you failed ,
and I simply became the skeleton in your closet instead .
miranda schooler Jul 2013
when she kissed

the moon good night 
stars bashfully twinkled .
the black on her lips

stained the night sky
 .
everyone thought it a bad omen .

I said

this is how the heavens love
 ;
this is how you love
 .
you paint home your favorite color
I put lavender flowers in my heart .



everyone said

this purple
doesn’t make you king
 .


I said

*this is how
you start being human .
miranda schooler Jul 2013
peter pan said

to
die
would be an awfully big
adventure .


and I've had my bags packed
and my gym shoes on
for the longest time

I had put 
healing on the list .

the grocery list .

the to do list .

the night list .

the things to pack list .
because

I thought that it would help me
to remember
that people care
and that I am worth it ..
but they came to visit
my little apartment
in seattle
and asked what the lists were for
and I told them
and they laughed

those things are not true .
those things are no good .
silly girl , don't be so foolish .


that night
I cried and I ripped down
my lists
and laid face first on my bed ,
letting my makeup run away
from my skin .

but that same night ,
my windows flew open ,
and I saw a shadow take shelter
from the rain outside
and he flew in
with a roosters crow
and a smile
fit for a child .

come with me
to neverland .
you will be away from them .
you will never have to grow up ,
or be saddened by burdens .
you will be a
  lost girl ,
not a  lost soul .

I grabbed my backpack
and wiped away clean cheeks
and tied my laces
and flew away .
miranda schooler Jul 2013
I always spill my stupid feelings
and they always
get all over the floor
and I've got to clean

because no one cups their hands
or gets a towel
or helps , or anything

they all just stand and watch
as you try to wipe it up
and they smile
because it's their house
and you're cleaning it for
free

and my godfather
definitely isn't
a fairy*

grandmother's ice - cold words
frosting a gown
a pair of glass slippers
that you smash on the ground
bleed
keep walking forward , like you're told

and my mother isn't a step
up from anyone I've met
she's just like everyone else

my father is silent
dead
miranda schooler Jul 2013
we met on a
busy
new york sidewalk .

how about this ..
I'll save you from yourself ,
and you give me your heart .


I look at you .
skeptical .
shaking in heavy boots .

okay .

you are reliable , and safe ,
and your eyes look like leaves on trees
and you smell like a forest .
I can't help but give you all of it .



you didn't lie ..
you saved me
from me
but we stood there , and you got bored .

I have to go .

and you dropped me heart
on the cold pavement and went away .
it was a black , disgusting mess ,
and you and I both left it there
to rot .


to die.


and I see you sometimes .
we pass each other on the sidewalk and
look into eyes
that are glazed over and haven't seen anything
worth while
in centuries .
I can't muster up a smile .
you can't muster up strength to wave .
we walk by .
silent .


I shot myself that night ,
and I left you a note .

please give me back my heart .

so you picked up my heart .
went to my funeral
dressed in all white
like the angel you are
and dropped it six feet under
along with my sealed casket .






thanks .
miranda schooler Jul 2013
I sit before flowers

hoping they will train me in the art

of opening up

I stand on mountain tops believing

that avalanches will teach me to let go

I know

nothing
but I am here to learn .

here to breathe
and live a new life
among stars and planets .

here , where
your mind
and
your body
are desperate for the same thing
desperate to learn
to know .

to know the secrets
of the universe you fly in
and the happiness your soul
has dived in .

to know love ;
to know life ;
to know all .
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