Frozen funeralNecessary burialYou pushed me backAgainst the wall. My eye was morethan on the doorIt became stringentFor manners sake, I didn’t make a faceAt that vinegar smell.Knowing better is no remedy for hurt prideBrand his pink skin for the first timeDuck out before the sourA new hot shower AwaitsAt home. Or somewhere with potted fernsBreathe ReprieveNever been with such a followerat my heels. Looking over my shoulderBlurting and grindingOn my nervesFeigning understandingNo more storm metaphorNot worth the anger earned By the dark pastI clutch my secret hopeLike a sold out ticketAwakened by remembered hungerImagining fresh garden loot. Still drippIngWet(January 2, 2010)

His eyes grew dark and distant
absolutely nothing wrong
He smiled without his eyes
how are you feeling?
nothing, numb, bored

Bracing each other, pushing
                                             out

Fearing the flatline, we find
one another, in the dark

Rubbing the blood back into his palms
he buries his breath in my clean hair
Counting down the seconds, we remember

Leaving the cold room, he asks
is it over now?

Soft weakness
gives to absorb the blows
Like some vague elastic stretched
over the chimney top
Stubbornly holding the black smoke in
Pigeons nesting and *******
Causing the thinning elastic
to cave in
further
White birds like the warmth of that sick steam building
underneath
Preening, oblivious
Hot weight questions the integrity of black edges
Mother bird stands at attention
Baby birds bicker, oblivious
Their hearts skip in unison when they begin to
fall
The smoke swallows them
and that black elastic

Startled by my reflection
In the open window
Living room straight back
through the kitchen

Blue snowlight
Stares through me

Seeing out all day long, forgetting

The night drops black curtains quiet
when no one's looking, instead
Of out

I see in
Brave and solitary
The one waits true
Bright unsecret
Blood rushing real
Whispering cure

He can see pain and touch it
away
with golden sincerity

Where do you stand.                Now
       Alone in the sun
       Miserable earbuds
       and backwards youme
                                       Forever
       this moment in the loneliest place in my life
       suburban parking lot, USA
       Covering secret hope with blankets of anonymity

       Money just cools them
                   Freeze each other LIKEICECRYSTALS
                   can't even be together
Never.       Even when it can't get worse
                   in the sillyfuck of summertime sticky countertop of hangover

Seasons without the hot seatbelt of safety
                   and the inoutness of us
                   not careful always
Sick bruised overdue goodbye
                   life sentence
Stealing it back with the work of no worries

Just hoping art still means something
just ******* praying it's not empty
                   like your neverpromises
                   and your didntlies

Cowering with broken heart fever
Burying strangers shrugs in coffeehouse choketears
Who-gives-a-**** cliche misery

I hope your own shadow haunts your periphery
                   Like narcissus' fear of drowning

Sometimes the goodbyes are should have
A whole year of goodbyes
All I wish for is the end

Cold morning water lip
Straight-------- swallow---- bury me
Bury
Secret, knowing, secret
How clean can she be?
Break me simply
Break me soon
Find me out
Oh, it’s here
No fool, she can’t change it
I cannot, I will not
Go crazy
With love
For you

The one thing you want, the one thing I crave incessantly
Will never happen
So what the **** are we doing here?
Braiding each other’s lost subtleties into something no one wants to see
But us

Free
Fast
Falling
*****

quiet hope nestled
pushing out from crowded corners
secret wanderlust

his fire wraps me in warm new flames
                                        I gasp for air
The day begs for length.  Oh, god, why not?
Pray tell, this intense madness won’t drive him away.  
                                        Taking his sanity and art with him

A man worth the time, fancy that.
A feeling not worth controlling, imagine this:
                                        Minds smashing sparks alight
                                        Hair always wet or drying
                                        Cheeks hot with anticipation
                                        Eyes wide
                                        Souls listening to the earth’s pulse
                                        Novel nonsense lightening the lead of
truth

Trembling consciousness
Bewildered by the separation between
Within and without

Troubled yearning settling
Just beneath my skin

Black out before sun down
Slippery jabs of guilt slide
Sickness knifed in
And never seen again
Not by you

You lose control of your mouth, your body, your balance
Your hands wave ‘round your head in some imaginary joke
Your toothy grin and those hands still flapping are aimed at me,
And still, no one is laughing

No memory of yours holds my embarrassment
Your mother, your father, your husband, your daughter
We remember mean accusations over stubborn bottles
We know the secret you keep from yourself

How do I shift this guilty weight from my dark heart to yours?
Can I steal your excuses?  Can you recall your childhood shame?
Let the light of truth shine fierce after the sun steals away behind dark hills