These halls I’ve walked so many times before have changed
The familiar feeling of a home I used to know has gone away
Is it this place that’s always changing?
Or is it the man who wants it all to stay the same?
We used to laugh about the past
But now the past has lead us here
To a present I don’t even recognize
While time continues to take each moment
As retribution for all the time I’ve wasted
Trying to figure out what I wanted the future to look like
Was it worth worrying about the days to come?
When they have now become days gone by,
I realize I wasted every one of them
I could have done so much more, become so much more
If I hadn’t worried on the future,
And lived for the day I had.

February 14th comes around once again
And once again I’m by myself
Am I supposed to be depressed?
All by myself crying and dreaming of a day when I’m wanted every minute of every ******* day…no thank you.
So yes, it’s ******* Valentine’s Day
And all I have to show for it is a card from my mom
Does that mean that my life is over?
No it does not.
I know that someday, someone will see me
As more than just a talking meat suit
More than a one-time endeavor
Someone will look beneath my skin
And see who I really am and who I wish I could be
I will show this person the darkest corners of my personality
And they will not turn away
And until that person comes along
I am not settling for second best
Or second rate
Just so I can have a date
For someone who is all-right
For someone who simply thinks I look nice
Or that I’m kinda funny
Or that I will do for now
Because I respect myself more than that
I respect myself enough to wait for the right one to come along
And someday, when I’ve got the white-picket fence and the rest of the American dream grasped tightly to my chest
I will thank the Lord that I did not waste my time
Crying every time I found myself alone.

I am tired
of feeling this way
and being like this.

I am so sick
of having these thing
living inside of me.
I should have tried
to get rid of it sooner.
But I let it grow
become it's own being
now it has a face
it has a personality.

I'm done being sad.
Of having gloom
draped around my shoulders
every time I get dressed.
I'm done with looking in the mirror
and seeing a monster
who I fight everyday
and always lose.

Paranoia.
Being unsure.
Always second guessing angels.
Being selfish.
Putting myself above others.
Knowing what I'm doing is wrong
and continuing to let myself
get wrapped up in a hopeless
situation.
It has exhausted me.

I am done burning.
I want to extinguish
the nest of flames that lap
under my skin
that have me thinking
the only way to relieve myself
is reach under the skin
and let the fire slowly trickle out.

I need to learn honesty.
I want to be a better person.
I need to stop kidding myself.
I want to let it go.
I need to let myself be happy.
I want to let you be happy.

I have the reassurance
that I don't know better
than the universe.
It knows where I will be going
and who I'll meet along the way.

I have the knowledge that
overcoming tyranny isn't easy.
But my willingness
to be happy is stronger
than any depression.
It may be tomorrow
it may be in ten years.
But it will happen.
Happiness will happen.

I'm still pushing against a boulder.
Trying to climb over
only to scrape at the sides
leaving my finger tips ******.
But I know I have something.
pushing me. Carrying me.
I have the hands of the angels
that sit on my shoulders.  
Elevating me and helping me
to get my footing.

Just when you thought that you were mighty
Here came the truth.
The truth knocked you down a few notches
And made you see the light.
I was given an opportunity without audition
And declined it because of conscious.
You were instead given that opportunity
Because you worked for it and deserved it.
Instead of thanking me, you tell me
that I ruined you. I was the one who destroyed what you worked for.
The man who handed these opportunities out is now,
in your mind,
Not the role-maker he once was.
I showed you that he offered me the role that made you shine.
I made you.
And you push me away.
A year from now, you will see what I mean.
You will see what I've been preaching.
You will see.