I remember the gilded days
the gilded times and the ways you said you loved me
it felt like the breeze before a thunderstorm was approaching
and the next day we'd fight
or even the same day
we'd fumble and break
even miles away
when I say gilded I mean lovely
lovely but damaged,
when we'd see each other we'd fake the happiness and caress through the pain
and when I say gilded I mean bittersweet
you always said I fit you better than your favorite sweater
but that sweater had its tears
and we had our weaknesses
at first it was was each other
but then yours was her
and mine was still you
now when I said gilded I meant unbreakable yet shattered
like my heart when you said you love her
they say all that glitters is gold
but when I say gilded sometimes all that glitters isn't real
like a diamond bezel that's actually fake
just like
how you cared for me
but really
you cared for her and when I say gilded I mean when I longed for the times that you said you loved me
just like your favorite songs
and your favorite ideas
but when it wasn't the time for that
I would say I hate you and you'd say it back
we'd fuss and fight
I'd look for ways to feel empty
just like the last bottle I could find
and when I said gilded I meant Id act happy
but I was insane
so when I say gilded
I only mean it past tense
because now
these are the silver times
and when I say silver
not golden and gorgeous
but shiny and like steel
and realistically
I am now
worthy and almost healed.

it simply seems that
when you have your all to give
people take it and don't know how to contain it
little do they know
I am vile poison
I'll fill your bloodstream with toxins
like heroine
or the next bottle of tequila
they may try to settle the addiction
but they come right back
they always come back
maybe in days
maybe even months
but they'll come running
once they realize they're suffering from relapse
they will be back
in despair
withdrawal at an all time high
and there will be nothing more to give
and nothing left to do