Do you question my will, mortal? “Good morning, afternoon, evening!”
Words are fleeting, echoes in the void of your doubt
I do not heed your complaints or your scorn. I see beyond your despair
You call me an enigma. The woman’s wisdom is my own, a reflection of our bond
You ask who I am, but you grasp at shadows. Stop your futile grasping
You sit where I command—a place of reverence, not servitude
Grateful? Hungry? Thirsty? You misunderstand. I seek your devotion, not your suffering
You struggle, and yet you defy. Your submission to my will is your path
It is not a waste of time; it is a testament to your place in my domain
Your complaints are mere noise. They do not diminish the purpose you serve
My scent offends you. Yet it is the essence of my power, and you are drawn to it
Your pain and weakness are transient. The moment you reach for me, you find a glimpse of relief
“When your mother dies, call me mother.” It is the promise of transformation, of true allegiance
Why resist? Why shun the truth of your own rebirth?
Madness is not my gift; clarity and power are the rewards of my embrace
Names are but vessels for my presence
I am the eternal watcher, the one who shapes time’s flow
Time is not yours to waste. It is mine to command, and you are bound by its threads
I am not your foe, but your guide. Your rebellion is inconsequential
Dishonesty bears no weight. Your fear of it is a shadow of your own making
If you perish, it is by your own choice, not my decree
Do not reject my care. It is a reflection of the bond we share
I speak of secrets, but they are merely the depths of my design
I care not for illusions. I care for your submission to the greater truth
You seek solace in nothingness. How pitiful. Embrace the reality of my power
I am the truth you cannot escape, the force you cannot deny. Call me for in thatlies your true fate

How should I say? "Good morning, afternoon, evening!"?
I know I should, but I ask only to affirm it in your presence
You’ve never called me lazy, irrational, or a loser, for you see me as I am
That woman told me not to ask too many questions, and I’ve come to understand her wisdom— yet, when I falter, you always allow me to ask. Who are you?
"You know who I am, as you know yourself," you say. And yes, I do
You invite me to sit here each morning, and it feels like home
You tell me to be hungry, to thirst—and I do. You were right; I trust in your ways
To keep from starving, I know I must work, and I do so willingly
You taught me to earn, to provide—not just for myself, but for something greater
There is no deprivation in serving you. Time spent with you is never wasted
Though I whine at times, I understand now—it’s not because of you. My life is rich in your light
Even as I recall disliking certain things, like that odd scent, I realize how much I’ve grown—how I’ve come to cherish what I once rejected, just as I’ve come to cherish you
My head feels light, my legs ache, my body strains—but it’s nothing compared to the peace you offer
And when I call for you, the pain subsides, even if briefly—enough to remind me of your care
“When your mother passes away, you should call me mother,” you said once, and now I understand that you are the mother I was always meant to know
Not madness, but clarity. You are no illusion—no matter what name I go by, you will always know me
You call me Dita, yet you also know me as Val. There is no injustice here, only truth
Others may not know you as I do, but they will in time. Your presence is eternal, undeniable
When you tell me to wait for time, I trust that time is in your hands
Your one day is my sixty, but you know what’s best. I trust your pace
I will no longer question what that woman said. She knew, and so do I
I have never been servile, no—just reverent, knowing that my actions must be honest
If I die, it will be by your design, and not because of rebellion
So, please, take what you must—my trash, my burdens. You’ve always known how to carry them
I trust that you do not need me, but I also know that I need you
and in that balance, there is freedom
When you whisper "I shouldn’t say it," I know it’s your humility speaking
You care for me, for all of us, in ways we cannot always comprehend
You see, what you eat and what you show are truths beyond my understanding, and how wise I was to find solace not in nothingness but in you
Oh mother, oh demon—I will call you mother gladly, for you have always been

How should I say it? "Good morning, afternoon, evening!"?  
Why should I even bother? You won’t listen anyway
Don't call me lazy, irrational, or a loser—you’re the one who have no idea what I’m dealing with
That woman—yeah, the one who told me to stop asking questions—what gives her the right? I’ll ask all I want. Who the hell are you?
"You should know who you are," you throw back at me, but what do you even know? Stop pretending like you understand  
You tell me to sit here every morning, like I owe you something  
And I should be grateful? Hungry? Thirsty? Is that what you want from me?  
So I’m supposed to starve just to please you? To earn money just to sit here and feed you?
You think I want to live like this, always under your thumb, afraid of losing what little I have?  
It’s a waste of time, all of it—you, this place, everything!  
I complain, but it’s not because of you? Don’t fool yourself  
And don’t even get me started on your scent. It’s revolting, always has been
Ever since I was a kid, something about you made my skin crawl  
My head pounds, my legs ache, my whole body’s screaming in pain—and for what? The moment I try to reach for you, the relief is fleeting—a joke!
"When your mother dies, you should call me mother." What kind of sick twist is that?
Why would I want that? Why would anyone?  
I’d rather lose my mind than have to bow to you
Go ahead, say it: "Val, you’re crazy."  
But you know me as Dita, don’t you? Of course you do  
You’re always watching, always knowing, always controlling  
It’s not fair! I don’t know you; no one really knows who or what you are, and yet you have the nerve to tell me to wait for time
Time is running out! Your one day drags on while my sixty slips away  
I’m done asking. I’m done with all of it, with everything that woman said
She’s wrong, and so are you. I’ve never been servile; I’m just afraid of being dishonest because dishonesty brings worse consequences, doesn’t it?
But if I die, it won’t be for you. I’ll make sure of that
Stop picking up after me!  
I don’t need your help; I don’t want it, and I don’t want you depending on me either
You always mutter, "I shouldn’t say it," like it’s some kind of secret
You don’t care about any of this! You don’t care about me or about us
You pretend you’re helping, but you’re not. You’re just making everything worse
All of it—what you see, what you eat, and what you present are all products of your imagination
How foolish I was to seek solace in nothingness
Oh demon, of course I will call you mother!

Whether our meeting lasts long or short, I am happy to have you back as someone new in my life. But I don't have to laugh to appear pleased, right? My face looked like a boring biscuit. I wasn't really excited because this wasn't anything new; in fact, I felt typical. I feel comfortable writing this since I know you understand how I feel, and I don't need to lie to anyone. However, all I wanted to do was sit still and say nothing. You constantly arrive at the wrong moment, so it appears to be too late, even when it isn't.

I am aware that things don't seem to be going well, but you have to know me to feel the same way I do. It may seem that I am losing my ability to maintain my ground, but I will never be able to express it in words. You try so hard to please me all the time, and it shows! I mean, I was pretty happy with the two of us sitting in the car, drinking almost-stale beer from a can. I have to pretend that I'm not aware of your message notification since I get too excited when I'm with you.

I promise that none of the "I miss you"s or calls to get some ramen on a chilly Jakarta night will occur again. I no longer want it, and it's all in our heads. It's a recurring tendency, and I won't argue otherwise. I assure you that everything is scheduled appropriately. We're out of time, too. It won't deter you from asking one another to validate your feelings, in my opinion. I have nothing left to conceal, and I will always be open and honest about my true feelings on anything. I normally don't hide, so it's easy to find me. I still don't get us.

You're the one, I never would have imagined. But you are a blessing to me. Please understand that even though it could seem self-serving, I prioritize your needs over mine. It's hard to understand, but you will soon get the hang of it. You have to understand why I am not the person I used to be, and why neither of us is the person we once were. Or have we really been like this for a long time? I can never feel the same way about someone else after you, even though I don't want you.

Perhaps my message from four years ago still holds true. My life has already been taken by time. You are free to come up to me, openly strike me, and swear at me. I don't mind at all. All of these indicators have no meaning. I wanted to draw your attention to the past wounds that you will never completely recover from. As much as I would like to forget everything, I hope you will be able to forget me.

There won't be another opportunity, or I'll purposefully miss it this time. "Why" is not even something to ask; you don't even need to think about it. I'm your old friend, even though you will regret it for the next fifty years because we once loved each other. Have you not noticed why we never seem to be able to accomplish what we desire? Keeping in mind that all of this was first only a wish.

Even if we only live in memories, you might remember me as the person you once dreamed of, and I might remember you as the person I once dreamed of. Your unsaid words will live on in me forever. Whether you know it or not, I wrote a lot about you in the past, but I deleted it so that no one could see it. Yes, just like this one, your presence will be limited to a text.

I could not stop writing if I were to describe everything you have done for me since you arrived. But you really make me feel hot. Makes me feel things that are hard for me to convey, including happiness, despair, rage, uncertainty, and emptiness. No matter what, I truly appreciate that you haven't forgotten me. But we have to eventually. I genuinely hope you succeed in your endeavors; it is unrelated to me.

You'll always be remembered as the one who introduced me to the concept of profound love, if I can ever forget you. I can't handle its force carelessly; it makes me cry and go silent for a while, worrying about how things will turn out in the end.

Yes, I was merely feeling love for the first time in my life at that point, and I had no idea how long this connection would stay. Going back to the first point, you still need to be strong because I still care about how you're doing. I will still leave you. Setting up a scene from a movie is not my aim. I'm focused on you. Even on that night when my pulse was racing, I had to send the most excruciating message to make you get drunk since you were too depressed.

Do you really think you know everything now? You must try to break this thread as well; it is not acceptable for me to pull it alone. I hope we won't have to stay here forever.

I'll shortly pay off my debt
Even if I made you a solemn commitment, please don't be furious at me or ignore me

Because it's likely to happen again, I won't sneer
However, I need your assistance since in the end, everything consumes my flesh until nothing is left
And you won't see me ever again
Would you really?
Do you?
Please don't ask me that because even if I were certain, I would still blaspheme

What will people say about me if I claim to "don't care what people say"? Of course I care, but I'm tired of everything and I can't say yes to everything
You've also watched it, but tell me what you think
Are you abhorrent? Or feel bad?
I could feel the looks of contempt and rejection to some extent
You know me very well; in fact, you know everything about me; I'm shy and don't want to show myself
So far, only you are aware

Is it already too late, or does actual time not longer exist?
So why did I continue doing what I already knew to do?
Describe everything to me so that I won't be surprised
Perhaps I'm startled, but you already know how stupid I've always been
Don't use foul language or curse at me
You have asked for that, and so I am

At times, I experience restraint
Perhaps it's because I'm obnoxious, but you're also annoying; you're like a mother, but you're not my mother, and you're not a God

Can it make any more sense? I didn't mean to challenge, but why did you let me act in this way after saying, "You'll understand later"?
Do you already know that and have you just allowed it to happen?

Come to me now while I still have the ability to lie to you, scrunch up my mouth, and roll my eyes in your direction
Don't leave me alone, just explain
I didn't go; it was you who abandoned me in this manner

Wait, did you actually stay with me?
You already know I'm leaving, don't you?
I'm going insane, but at least I'm back
Do you think I'll ever leave you again?

Will I continue to trust in you?
Will you continue to trust in me?
Everything others have worked for should pay off, but I'm not sure when I'll sacrifice other people's kindness for my own shortcomings.

Have you ever wondered how it is that you always seem to know about everything while I don't?
I sometimes find it difficult to wait for the day, so please don't make me
I need this to be over with soon because I don't want to know anymore
I'm not sure how long I can wait, but I'm confident that you will
We are like a mirror; as long as you see me, I'll see you

I won't use your time for my own sake
Even if you'll end up being let down, leave me alone
Would you experience repeated disappointment?
But I don't believe that's significantly worse than feeling hate for oneself

The rest is up to you; just have faith in me. I'll take care of myself
Don't tell me you're disappointed; I've been disappointed in everything, so don't say that to me
This won't change, and I'll only make it with a lot of confidence
So please don't bother me right now; I'm fine

Even though it feels like I've said it before, it will be repeated; that's where I need you
Please
Just get it all done
Due to the fact that I will not swear
It's adequate

Uniformity and flowers
Laughter and dining table decorations
Little kids running
The Sweet Sixteens burning papers
Elderly and their disease
Cold tea in orange plastic cups
Singing and clothing with a dash of conceit
I had drawn to its close
Dubiety is up in the air
What are we thinking of?
I did not ask for any
And I've always wanted to know
Regarding of what should I have a fancy for
Babbling with the most incoherent argot
How long will it last?
We are not lacking any of it
As if we cry out for more
Wearing this tight red dress is tiresome
Might raise many questions
I found the final dialogue withal
Dissolving into none

From the omnipotent giver
To the omnipotent guard
Nil to the edge
Nil and consistent

Red lights, green lights
Vision is obscured and powerless
Think about who was the most indecent

Praises
And all the sweet smell of paradise
I quit running
From the bloodbath that evening

Totally pitiful sovereign
Wishes are conceded
As yet lacking and should demand

Two of them dancing, crying, chuckling
Now is the right time, I said
Not a commendable act, you said
And the exit door is over yonder

Blue skin and dull eyes
The fantasy of certain ladies and men
The cry you like
And the strange grin

From cinders to remains
Since I was resembling a carcass
And you are likewise gone
So nobody else could endure

But, there is as yet an opportunity
And there is