everything is turning black.
as of now I cant turn back.
there is no incline from this place.
I must look down into death's face
I’m slowly dying from the inside out
my fate killing me, no doubt
everyone in my presence is fading
i feel like I am suffocating
never will I evade these thoughts
my negative ways leaving me distraught

Sometimes I feel joy.
Sometimes I feel pain.
It’s now in life I wonder
how to play the game.
I hate waiting for
all these things to change,
but I don’t think,
in any way,
things will ever be the same.
I know my wounds are healing
but I will always have these scars.
I have forgiven
but I wont forget,
on my own I have gotten so far.
I am comparable to the mourning dove
for the loss of my ignorant past.
I was trapped within my own safe house,
but I knew it wouldn’t last.
I once was sheltered
in a culture
all packed full of lies.
I thought I had to follow a stereotype
but I didn’t know otherwise.
I’m here now in reality
slightly shocked of how things are.
My emotions are spilling over the edge
and this realness seems bizarre.

her insecurities strangle her.
always afraid of disappointing someone else.
when she could never see her perfection.

everything she wants, unreachable.
her life forcing her to bend & break.
broken, there she lies.

a single heartbeat.
the only thing keeping her alive.
she tries to get a grasp on the rest of her life.

the mystery.
of where things will be tomorrow.
taunt her mind constantly.

finally, when happiness is found.
the concern of it all ending.
again, taunts her.

all things that are beautiful.
are held inside her.
oblivious to what she possesses.

the love she refuses to receive.
could save her life.
but she doesn’t believe anyone could love her.

They are attacking.
They are stripping me of all my rights,
and bringing to the surface all my wrongs.
The things I do go unnoticed, unless they are mistakes.
They falsify accusations towards me, assuming things they could not know unless they were me,
unless they were in my mind.
I wish to be neutral in a war they choose to fight with me.
I have no choice.
If I do not fight, I will never be heard.

she comes across so happy
when shes really empty inside
life eats away at her everyday
but never does she cry

life sometimes seems so charming
like maybe it will improve
but once her heart becomes exposed
its everything she will lose

for it all she takes the blame
every time it gets worse
with all the love that disappears
it would seem she has a curse

when it comes to help she wont take it
she believes that its giving in
weakness is not an option for her
it cannot get under her skin

maybe life is overrated
but she'll never really live until she believes
that theres always a landing after the fall
& the pain will eventually ease

i know that things change and people move on
to what is convenient for them
but why am i always the one left behind
always the one condemned
all good things must end sometime
nothing can stay gold forever
diamonds lose shine, love disappears
it seems nothing can get better
i dont want to mope for the rest of my life
that is not what im meant to do
but i just cant achieve one speck of redemption
i guess the fact that im defective is true
my heart changes hands everyday
because i never know who to rely on
maybe i shouldn't trust unknowing hands
when im loving my judgment is long gone
protecting myself is difficult
when im wearing my heart on my sleeve
and when it gets broken its all my fault
but i can't do anything but grieve
trying to dive into love unprepared
is something so stupid to do
it cannot be successful when i try to succeed
thats something i always knew
but i try and try like im desperate
but im not, i just want to be loved
am i blind or am i just broken?
is it my own confidence i've shoved?

I will never, EVER give you respect
at least not in my thoughts
you've stripped away my confidence
…left me weak and distraught

i guess im not near good enough
to ever compare to them
im not worthy, in your eyes, to receive praise
Instead it’s me you condemn

Ive been used and betrayed by the one and only you
While completely oblivious to my cries
When you were making all those promises
You were really just feeding me pretty lies.

Your excuse for your behavior is a ****** one
It would seem that’s your way of “easing the pain”
When really you’re just a heartless vessel
And that’s just how you play the game.

If that’s how you want to live you’re life,
In a giant game of pleasure & heartbreak
Then honey, please count me out
Because you’re already part of my biggest mistake.