what do i think of success?
i think it comes pressed, hard and you break it up
serve it to the fiends while you cakin' up
blurry thoughts that i can't make it out
well my 'friend', posted up you should take it down
off this digital billboard
populated pixels people **** for
while they just bill more
for real though -
what do i think of success?
shucks, well it's probably more complex
than this complex i have impressed
upon my mindset, heck
no wonder im pressed for time every time
i try to rise shine it's already ******* nine pm
so i'll lead sheep blind while i sleep
the only time i can find myself
what do i think of success?
i know it takes hard ignorance and persistence, relevance and intelligence
not just a nod and a yes
it's not windswept, it's being led
leading, it's existing ahead but seeing
below with insight - i hold this pen tight
every minute alongst midnight, i will dream of success

i used to give a ****
now i couldn't give a **** less

yellow sand and green grass
swing sets and hands clasped
white clouds and blue skies
those were the best days of a past life

Sunday mornings never meant much more to me than the day before work.

I opened up your diary to inspire me
The shaking in my hands
I'm breaking down your tyranny
Why I'm like this?
It's definitely not the pride in me
I don't need your white lies, see -
I am complete
While half of you is unsure
with more drama
I write down one stanza
less filler - a smoother smoke

I see past the bright colors and
I believe that we can live like kings
If we can see past the bright colors
And just accept whatever life brings
Be kinder to each other, no broken links
I find its better, but, we'll still need shrinks.

Alone on a Friday
What else is new
All my friends graduated
To learn they're better off with you
Buts its too late, I've left this place, for good.

i wonder
how many sets of lips
i must kiss
until i can no longer judge if
it's just for fun
self hatred the pain from which we run
the insecurities we scour like birds circling

im not mad
im just disappointed
im just unjust sometimes i lust
after laughter

come clean and
stop letting them
brainwash you
with soap operas

take your shirt off
have a drink
watch this television
flashing
lights
where does the room go
when i leave?

don't text me
don't call
no snapchats at all
don't tweet me or tag pics
don't like **** or leave comments
don't ask questions or begin wanting
don't let them hear you wonder
don't let them hear what you wonder

heights aren't so bad
it's the depths i worry about

That was the last time I saw her.
I made love in the morning, she breakfast.
I took a shower, she my dignity.
I started the car, she to leave.
That was the last time I saw her.
Clueless, or so I thought
That would be the last time I saw her.
So I went back
tracing steps, brushing prints
pacing nights, wondering how I came to trust this *****
Maybe she -
was frustrated
the trust faded
But who's fault was that?
I didn't tell a lie
I didn't tell a single lie, it was maybe five
1. I trust you
2. it's fine
3. I trust you
4. it's fine
5. I'll see you tonight
No - just a note?
I'm just left to cope?
with the half hearted words you wrote?

follow me.
please. i have no friends.
i work go home and get tense.
please. talk to me.
i have no chance at survival
this downward spiral
under wave that's tidal
there's gotta be another way that's viral
just rhyme on stage and become an idol.
follow me. follow me.
i promise light and night
and flames and ice
and whatever you need to keep the harrowing shrieks at bay
[little do they know it's he who press play]
controversial contraception
better cover your mouth if ya get to guessing
what's coming next - never gonna happen
- even I can't do it.

i'm gonna write a book someday
and i'll dedicate it to you
my delicate flower in bloom
i'm gonna write you a book some night
under moonlight
in spiderwebs while they bite
and **** blood, it's alright
i'll be fine as long as i'm
with you - as long as i'm with you
i'm going to write a book
how could i not with all these awful thoughts that cook
burnt in my brain, about to burst
grade school all i learned is we're all insane
in one way, or another, all tryna swallow pain
in one way or another, i'm gonna write a book
tell the whole world, just why you ****, satan

i am the shell of what i was

is this it?
love? looking around
when you're away and it not
being enough?
is this it? what they
say is so pure that has a poet with a loss
for words? four words
I love you forever, forward thinking is us
together - forward thinking is us
forever, twin flame, dew drops
soul mates, that question God
this is it, isn't it?
the resting place of coolness
hatred and creation all in one place it
takes getting used to

tonight I've managed
to produce
my most complex yet
I'm excited
but... my back hurts
I'm excited for this.

https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/at-last-hip-hop-instrumental

my eyes feel heavier than usual
i start to wonder if some foreign
substance is crawling through my
endocrine system, mutating my thoughts

Baby - I often
have a tough time writing for you
it's just like
after everything that we've been though?
I don't know where to start -
but I know when we meet and hug
it's as if you just stare square into my heart, my soul
and all the sadness, the despair the fear the darkness unfair - I trust and let go
so you must know
it's as if my spirit has met it's mate, we just flow
Baby - you must know, it's like raindrops in rivers
endless and filling, plus there's no telling why
hearing your name has shot me shivers, how
I don't know - but trust that
I believe we've started, drawing with words
the only cure to the pain procured when we depart
I get overwhelmed
sometimes when egos inflate and anxieties swell
so I count on you, to help me climb higher than from from where I fell
To only you, I can tell
that my mind body and soul love you more than I can comprehend
it's just there - it's like magic,
unexplained, and far from plain
explosive amazing and tragic
and it I'd never change
because it's us - you and me, and the truth, to me is
it will never be wrong to love you, baby
when feelings are fact
there's no keeping the ceiling intact
that's what's appealing
that's what's healing
that's what's stealing, everything I have left
to offer to gain, we're constantly improving
breaking boundaries, renewing vows and even losing
but making out the - best of it
and I know we both get stressed a bit -
and that's perfectly fine, but I believe in you
and us and the sun and how it can blind if you don't do what's right -
but I refuse - to turn a blind eye
to my life, with you - no matter what
no petty fights or past pain
no long work weeks or flash rain
so even if I'm ever to meet my last days
I want you to know, I'll never regret
the times we laughed and cried
the nights I was asking why we're were trapped inside
the days we gazed with the sunlight in our face
hours of phone calls, little notes on receipts
wonderful jokes and brushing our teeth
I'm holding on, as long as this life is burning in me
because my love is your's to keep, for eternity

as a kid I was told
I’m as mindful as a much
older
person
but lately the soul’s been hurtin'
thinkin' about all the occasions I had
chosen stolen over purchased
God - I wish I'd known it wasn't worth it
but no -
it's too late now
I'm wide awake at my own wake
people cry and face a coffin closed and placed
around it are a bunch of ******* bright flowers and cardboard cards
that'll too, die (relatively) soon.

I'm uploading
another
hip hop instrumental
right now.
Twitter
or Soundcloud works.
Thank you.

You didn't read anything
You just skimmed the surface
Yes, you were throwing rocks
- that only -
You deemed worthless.
Well, you might've already heard this
but they just could have been repurposed, to persons,
new versions, for virgins - you've never met
call it perverted nerves but I'm sure it's perfect
the weight of the cards, I'm dealt
I even prefer it - for it's
making my opponent sweat
there's no better feeling felt
no taller ceiling shelved
I melt, getting this high.
I'm helpless, alone in this sky.

i'm unflatterable
not easily offended
not flustered, and yet
all too often tempted
even after i've had my fill
i'm back
for more

work they say
when I'm at
work
writing poems
when I should
hush
please don't tell anyone
except everyone
accept everyone
poets florists carpenters painters plumbers clowns kings
the exiled
breath their warm woes waiting
the day the sun rises on their shoulders.

suburban visions
of
frickin’ picket fences
and
sittin’ in picnic benches
thinkin’
my luck was endless...
unlike living under their lenses
unlike the unbecoming friendships
grapefruit sunsets and
violet nights ventured out
into seedy spots
with a
black maglite - now just a flashback.
a past life unsure what it was to act right
pain in order to laugh blind
if only i knew
ignorance is a trapped mind
but
I'm not a bad guy
I've witnessed ways to
pass time
that I wish I gave
more
thought
too.
urban sounds
sirens gunshots whisper
down alleyways where trash
scatters blame, who's fault?
who cares.
as long as I got
what's fair
it's fine. I'm afraid
it hasn't been fine in sometime.

You can't change me
Only I can lose my mind
it's not and never will be
yours, to take - take chances
if you can, calculated risk
but sometimes, it's
not
worth
it.
It's just ******* not.
No repetition
You can't change me
No reading
You can't change me
or training
You can't change me
will ever
steal the decay from death.
Death belongs to no one.
Not the military
or the rich, the drug addicted
youth or the far away planets
you can't see anyway
You can't change me
No. Just stop assuming your matter
matters so much.
You can't change me**
True. But who cares to anyway?

Lately I been lost in the darkness
candlelight - pen on the parchment
**** right, I used to be so quick to start ****
freckled reckless and record almost speckless
never arrested, it was never expected, suspected
to lose direction, maybe I did maybe not
they say as long as you have a soul to lose then a soul you got...

head full of dreams
heart emptied by nature
hands clenched
mind filled with anger
my, what am i but a stranger
to the others, myself
friends of family and she'll
come back crying
emotional triggers firing

constant practice just isn’t
something that happens, it’s decisions
thoughts and repeated patterns

i dont remember much
but it doesn't mean
ive quite given up
no
if anything i could not care less
about careless lust
apparent lack of enough
what
brought us here i need to know
i refuse to wait for the fourth date
plus she's ready to go
ready to go, bags packed
she's been ready to go

in my finest hour
the design was sour
as we prayed for lights crisp
we gave away days lifeless -
And open windows
but not a breath of a breeze
it's like everything that's left
is nothing but a tease, please
don't give away your soul or
at least earn a profit before you let go
of insight and charm
because it will become night
before she calms
the clock
the clouds
spinning across a violet skylit
by violent sirens - that watch.
Wake up.

what's a life lesson without a
good kick in the crotch?

there’s this part of it
that just
happens
and you go with it
you don’t plan it
or think it
or know anything
about it
it just happens
and its’ beautiful

You know?
it's not as easy as it looks
answering you, - It's commitment.
it means.. i can't write.
it means.. i can't wander.
it means.. i can't stop
or quit So?
I just shut down the world
like a computer
over-heating.

i have a few
     people let's say
who i thought i knew
but chose to keep the truth at bay
breathless ravines
dark chasms and streams
unanswered prayers because
     He can't understand.
this modern language
tongues of
anger and lust
tied tight in a knot
dripping with sweat
i hear his pain inside my cough
and the body is a stage
from which the soul
leaps off.