I don't really care.
Like if I did,
things wouldn't be like this
Like, if I cared
We'd talk more than once a month
If I cared
I'd see you outside of the holidays
If I cared
I'd have so many
more memories
of us. But I don't care.
I wake up.
I
Fall asleep
I order dinner
and I eat.

Building this nest egg
I'm walking on egg shells
Serving birds in
Parked cars in
Suffocation
Gasping for air
About to take flight
The moonlight my
Only friend
The moonlight I
study the Earth and the sky
This cool night of plaid
cotton candy sticky holding hands
sore teeth and puffy lips, bruised
by brain shaking accidents
of twisted metal and leaking gasoline -
We call it fate. After all.
You made it. Cracking
your back wooden like a rolled out ladder
from a balcony drenched in rolling smoke -
Family, one at a time.
Thoughts, one at a time. But -
I still don't know if I made it out -
I laugh as I cough but still, cough.

Another late night
More birds chirping
More feeling worthless
Worth well, six shots of Bacardi
A beer here, a drag there
What a drag here, slowing down
To my last fear - speak publically rambling
Incoherent politics iced coffee straw wrapper cigarette lunch for pigeons and people who look like birds

I didn't always do the right thing
Too many times
I listened to the other side
Voices of golden opportunity
Behind closed doors, they provide
Oh my. Trade virtue for vice.
I didn't know words could hurt you like this.
I don't think you deserved to be exiled.
Like so many do. So very few
Come out of the avalanche stronger.

Eighty percent of the time
I'm lusting for twenty percent of you, ***
Eighty percent of my time
I'm over thinking twenty percent of my problems - hmm,
Eighty percent of the time
I'm lost, trying to recognize twenty percent of the faces I see - huh?
Eighty percent of people I meet
Twenty percent I can actually stand
Eighty percent of my sins
Were 100% due to lack of faith.

Khhhhh
Them Mtown boys are back at it again -

Friday nights aren't what they used to be, kiddo -
My mom says, I'm like where's the ice cream?
She sighs. I laugh.
She tries, to grasp
How time, passes so fast
As I climb, into her lap -
Monday mornings aren't the same, dad says -
Getting up, bones and bed
They crack and bend, they crack and bend
I'm getting dressed, fighting not wanting
to brush my teeth -
Dad says, come on man
You don't want to end up like me

I was ahead of my time, back then
Now my stomach is a knot
I'll never untie
And these memories, and thoughts
I can't rewind, not because I never learned
But because why would I want too?