I miss when I could see better in the darkness, I said
almost tripping over a root
That could go to any one of these trees, I thought loudly -
I miss when it meant something
what time of day or day of week it was
Oh what a joy it was.
Connecting to a piece of time
That by the time I noticed it, it had already vanished.
I was somewhere new.
So no, I already told you.
I don't remember where I was.

Another poem you'll never read
Another night I run on all fours
Wild and free.
Another car in the driveway
That was never made
A neighborhood my self conscious subconsciousness
somehow decided to create -
Two male bodies that bear no threat
But to me and my dealings my stomach upset -
Another kiss I never thought I'd taste -
Like flat rinsed toxins running across my face -
My eyes and fingertips forced together
Please don't wake me up
I wish to stay with you forever.

I would still love you
if my heart stopped beating
and I would still love you
if you told me you'd be leaving
I would still love you
if you dreamt of another
And I would still love you
if you told me it wasn't, working
See, maybe that's what's wrong with me
Maybe the doctors are right
It's a brain disease, OCD
I watch you free, through a window
Only I can see - I can see
a future where we embrace arms
share a place in Manhattan Beach
and make love by the water
I'd still love you
if I only had a tent
I'd still love you
No matter where we went
I'd still love you
if my hair went grey
And I'll still love you
Until my dying day -
I'm a star, or so I'm told
A person who's mind is much more old,
Than this skins tells, I've been through hell
And I'm still fighting for this
I'm living in the past
But looking forwards -
You told me, you'd still love me
If I changed genders -
I think that's something
I'll always remember -
Because I'll still love you
No matter what you are
I'll still love you
No matter your skin your hair
Your gender your art
I'll still love you

I watch you roll over in ecstasy
Eyes full black like moons of sin
Liquid venom pouring from your lips
I want to taste the nectar of hatred
Self inflicted wounds
and poetry written in musky rooms
Where the air is as stale
as the coffee is as bitter as
the neighbors teeth broken as
the fan blowing breathing dust
into our lungs as we sleep
Please don't let go, I said
4 weeks prior, please don't
3 weeks left until I expire, please
don't leave me, 2 days you say
You love me, you love me
She loves me, she loves me.

I can see you through this heavenly body
Eternal static to me
is death and life to you
A spec of light
An ocean with depths completely untouched by human skin
My heart beats with anticipation
Sweat beading and tear falling
Hands shaking and thoughts racing
I'd tell you I'm sorry
I'd tell you I didn't know my strength
I'd beg for forgiveness for
exploiting your weaknesses
like a glass bottle broken into a children's sandpit, like a design so flawed
You lived with it.
I can't live with this.

Poison, poison
she used to tell me I was poison
to everyone, but to her
I was medicine
ah we met in sin
about six drinks in
she used to whisper smirk I was perfect
with red cheeks
tip of your tongue in between teeth
I was an open book
she used to call to say goodnight
and call to say I'm poison
and used to call to cry and tell me she's sick
she used to call and tell me I make it better
she used to call
she used to call
she used to call me poison
And now the phone doesn't move
like the eyes of an insect out of reach,
I'm poison.

It's been a year since we've talked.
I've always had **** luck come July.
This year, though, everything is new.
The people the places
The conversions the food.
This time, I know you won't call from across the universe.
But I have to believe the night sky is more than this static echoing back my own fears.
I know you would answer if I rang.
I know you'd smile and smile
Maybe laugh and ask how I've been all this while.
Well. I've been busy.