What can I say,
I’m still hurt,
How could you treat me this way?

What can I say,
I’m still hurt,
I feel the pain every day.

I don’t understand,
Was it a plan,
You trapped me in sinking sand.

How could you be so unkind,
It goes round in my mind,
But answers I cannot find.

You cut me in half,
Disappeared into dark,
Was it all just a laugh?

You know what’s silly too,
Sometimes I want revenge,
But then I would be just like you.

What can I say,
I’m still hurt,
When will the pain go away?

Calling me day and night,
My stress reached a new height,
I always had to be there,
Otherwise I didn’t care,

You called me your best friend,
While driving me round the bend,
I was just your stress ball,
A complete and utter fool,

You treated me with contempt,
But argue I couldn’t attempt,
I only know how to submit,
To stand and take the ****,

You completely took over my life,
So much pain and strife,
I should just be glad to be free,
After all you did to me,

If I jumped you wouldn’t care,
It seemed a little unfair,
You would just find another fool,
To serve as your stress ball,

But can I even be mad,
Can I call you bad,
Or was it a by-product of insanity,
That you lost some humanity,

I guess I will never know,
Maybe you were putting on a show,
When you used to act like a friend,
Maybe it was all pretend,

When you attacked another,
My anger I couldn’t cover,
Don’t do this to them,
I can’t allow that mayhem,

I thought you might apologise,
I guess I wasn’t very wise,
We were just dead to you,
As easy as flushing the loo,

Even after all of that,
So long being your doormat,
That makes it clear to see,
You didn’t really need me,

You didn’t need to take over my life,
There didn’t need to be all the strife,
I guess the past is the past,
Although the damage may last,

I am just glad to be free,
After all you did to me.

I’m in a lot of pain tonight,
I’m not putting up a fight,
It’s no use trying to sleep,
The pain runs too deep,

My heart is slowly sinking,
My brain is constantly thinking,
I feel so misunderstood,
But then again I would,

I don’t know what to do,
This is nothing new,
I’m messed up pretty bad,
Which sometimes makes me sad,

I think that what I need,
Is a non-existent breed,
And no one can understand,
Or truly take my hand,

And I just can’t explain,
My unique kind of pain,
I can’t make anyone see,
What is really me,

I just want a big hug,
And maybe tea in a mug,
No need to overthink,
That’s what make my heart sink.

Dad I miss you so much,
I wish I could feel your touch,
It’s been so long,
That feels so wrong,
Eighteen years it’s been,
Without you to be seen,
Why did you have to die,
I always ask myself why,
I wasn’t ready for you to go,
That was something you had to know,
You gave me protection,
You gave me affection,
I lost them both when you went,
Took years before I could vent,
The pain is still here,
Still just as clear,
Weighing on my heart,
Tearing it apart,
Dad why did you go,
I wasn’t ready you know.

Sleep eludes me tonight,
My mind puts up too much fight,
I should really go to bed,
But I can’t calm my head,

The hours are gradually ticking by,
The sun will soon appear in the sky,
Then I will have to head off to work,
Without sleep I shall go berserk,

So it would be better if I could just sleep,
Preferably it would be nice and deep,
Being awake is no good for me,
I will need to down lots of tea,

But I don’t know how to settle my mind,
Inner peacefulness I can’t seem to find,
So here I am writing this,
Thinking of those that I miss.

Got to be strong,
Other ways are wrong,
Got to have fight,
And be full of might,
Need tough skin,
To be able win,
Must forget all the hurt,
Not be afraid of the dirt,
Must never cry,
Better to die,
This is what I need to be,
But this will never be me.

I needed you to be whole,
To light up my soul,
I needed you to protect me,
To keep my mind free,

I needed your love,
Purer than a dove,
I needed all of you,
But your lips they turned blue,

It was far too soon,
That night we lost the moon,
You were one in a million,
Or maybe in a billion,

And I needed you so much,
To keep me living as such,
You were the only one that cared,
And losing you I was so unprepared,

Without you it was hell,
I didn’t have a tough shell,
I was left all alone,
With no one to phone,

All I had left was the pain,
That permanent chain,
I still needed you,
But your lips had turned blue.