This is far from bliss,
There is no pain like this,
Nothing hurts this much,
There’s nothing here to clutch,
Here it’s very dark,
There’s not a single spark,
I cannot see a thing,
I don’t know where to cling,
I reach out my hand,
Hoping to find some land,
But I just feel empty air,
All to my despair,
It’s very quiet here,
I listen out with my ear,
But I don’t hear a sound,
The silence is profound,
Not even a single groan,
I think I’m here alone,
I don’t how to get out of this,
Or even what this place is,
I think I might be trapped,
In this place that is unmapped.

I’m still staring into space,
I’m looking into another place,
A place where life is fair,
A place that isn’t anywhere,
It’s a different time that I see,
A time that never was or will be,
I feel things that I can’t feel here,
I feel things besides sadness and fear.

I’m sitting here waiting,
My life I’m contemplating,
Time is flying by,
And all I can do is sigh,
Why can’t I feel anything,
Why can’t my soul sing,
It’s no fun being dead inside,
And there’s no time left to hide,
To quote the giant “it’s happening again”,
I lost my heart but I don’t know when,
There’s not going to be a point to my life,
So maybe I should just put an end to all this strife,
I was foolish to think it would be different this time,
The clock is counting down and is ready to chime,
The big cloud of doom is looming,
The lightning is striking and the thunder is booming,
I can’t complain as I brought this all on,
I can’t close my eyes and wait for it to be gone,
Live in darkness or don’t live at all,
That’s the choice for this stupid fool.

So what do I have to say,
It’s been another same old day,
I know I’m alive but I don’t feel it,
Whether I lay down, stand up or sit,
It’s just one of those things for me,
All I live for is a cup of tea,
I wish I knew how to change it,
Cause my life doesn’t quite fit,
I wish I could feel something,
I wish my heart wanted to sing,
But I can’t feel very much,
I’m waiting for a magic touch,
Even this poem is a bit crap,
God I’m stuck in a trap,
Please someone help me out,
Cause I’m too tired to shout,
Wave your wand and make it ok,
And lower down some tea on a tray,
Come and lay down beside me,
Cause I could use some company,
It’s lonely stuck in this rut,
Maybe together we could make it a hut,
I don’t know what else to say,
It’s been another same old day.

So guess what I feel **** again,
Because against my anxiety I just can’t win,
All I needed to say was thank you,
But for some reason I just couldn’t do,
Don’t get me wrong I was grateful,
But it wouldn’t come out and now I feel so hateful,
They treat me so nice and buy me dinner,
I couldn’t say thanks I feel like such a sinner,
When I try to speak up,
All my demons won’t shut up,
So yes I chickened out again,
It would be easier to do with a pen,
Don’t be surprised this is nothing new,
Chickening out is usually what I do,
Every time I feel so bad,
And the memories make me sad,
I know it makes absolutely no sense,
That something so simple makes me all tense,
What must they think of me?
So ungrateful I must seem to be,
I wish it would just come out,
Because now it’s all I think about,
I know in my head that it would’ve been fine,
If I had just said thanks for letting me dine,
But I just couldn’t quench the fear,
The fear of nothing it would appear,
I’m just too scared to use my voice,
Even though I know it’s the wrong choice,
So congratulations anxiety to you,
You beat me again like you always do.

So this poem is about my anxiety,
It’s just so uncomfortable being me,
It’s people that I fear the most,
I really couldn’t be a host,
There’s so many things that run through my head,
Sometimes I think it would be easier not to get out of bed,
I panic at the sight of someone new,
It can feel like I’m trapped in a zoo,
I can feel them staring,
I can feel them glaring,
They’re trying to work me out,
What I’m all about,
I know that they’re judging,
So my words I start fudging,
They think I’m pathetic,
And they won’t be sympathetic,
I’m always the odd one out,
And I’m so scared they will shout,
See I’m easy to make cry,
You don’t really have to pry,
They know something’s wrong with me,
It’s so easy for everyone to see,
I’m the runt in the litter,
My personality doesn’t glitter,
To most people I can barely talk,
When they watch it affects my walk,
Most people can’t understand,
They have their social skills to hand,
They can’t see why I’m scared,
Why I am so unprepared,
And if they had a social blip,
It wouldn’t really make them dip,
But I would feel consumed,
My demons would have loomed,
And if this wasn’t enough,
I do find it quite tough,
There’s the guilt for feeling this,
And all the things it makes me miss,
The awkward silences I create,
The other person must hate,
But I just can’t take the chance,
That they will respond with a verbal lance,
I’m too scared to give it a go,
I didn’t ask for this phobia you know.