the broken thunder has shattered our tunes of crazed whispers hidden in the space between your fingers and mine when they never touched. There is a emotion standing like me and you alone, terrible unaware of the pain that is to exhale yet numb and unwavering. you are numb and unwavering. your frailty has departed me into masked regions of normality and consistency. I know how you feel not because I have been there but because I have permanently become a part of you. and if you die apart of me dies too. I stand silently in the blistering sun my hair touches the wind as it sadly sings our old memories of torture and passions defeat, lost time the crimson in your eyes the similarity in mine bring out my age as every day that  passes you cross my mind at least once strangely and I wonder if I still hold a fire somewhere inside of you, even in the smallest. I run out in the waves holding the red holding the black and holding the old book where the edges of its papers are burnt by our naked times when two feminine wrists thrusted upon each other like tsunamis on brittle land. we broke everything beneath us. we perhaps broke ourselves. Our pictures are chaotic slowly moving hallucinogenic barbaric and stricken in my mind.  black is a slow color that lingers down above our heads and covers us with its intensity screaming in a dreadful agony bathing us in its oily sultry, covering our mouths until it became hard to breathe. I wanted to shriek I wanted to blow out a cry and tell you to rescue me from the fate that had driven me back to the alter that I first saw after I kissed you for the first time. Distant vultures stared with crude eyes of something of a disgust. A rush purging into an outlet and a endless amount of lust. forbidden mummification of the slender tale of trust. I lay my head weary about the soft death that plays with my hair and presses its bony finger on my cheek as I am soaking wet in a thin and paper like white dress. Embrace. The skies rained red and when droplets hit the ground a smoke would be born as we walked hand in hand amongst all our past ruins, believing that this was the last time. I failed. life has failed me. We shiver together and my essence frees itself like a flower that has been cut from its stem and my papery pedals strip away one by one on the side of your face. The cities walls felt close, count to 18, 19 open your eyes and speak quietly. kiss me quietly. hold me tightly. Let go of the shame learn to take this love lightly. My chest caved and my back felt heavy.Oh God forgive me. Forgive me. I have sinned and tangled myself into a situation that throws itself  like a nervous child at my knees. You cringed at my sight. You held me highly. You let me go violently. I cried silently.

I want to love you when you are ugly
pretty sirens held in tightly to my ****** regulation
of foreign relations/ and transgressed poverty

yes I do
I scream it at the top of my voice my darling
let me love you when you are ugly
I want to linger in your most empty places
awfully.

let me kiss you when you are angry
shed the ill word tell me everything you think of me
and speak to me bluntly

my ears are sore with the pretty
depict me/ dissect me
get me down to my nitty gritty

let me love you when you are ugly

let me stain you with my eyes and fly you away from this country
wrap my arms around you and tell you that you don't need your family

there was a time when blindness hovered in shades of gray
with wings of dragons
and tongues of Shakespeare
latent driven on the hooks of youth and
almost prosperity

let me love you when you are ugly
I say these words knowing it is almost quite impossible
for in my eyes you are always lovely

the black crimson of atmospheric and feminine smoke gloriously moves around
like tainted belly dancers in front of the pyramids
luring and incredibly terrifying
singing to me in the tongue of Orpheus, balancing
like dark ballerinas gathered in Arabesque stance
protruding brittle and shaking emotion with grace and
extracting all mind pollution
drenched in a feeble state
lurid/ashen/grim with transcending desire to fulfill itself beyond natural depth
I delicately move my fingers around, I want this to wrap around me
as slow as possible
I nestle my head into my shoulder, and rub my cheek against my warmth
I adorn the fumes
I kiss them  

ghosts and humble gatherings pursue me on this deadly night
of a deep fright and tender delight
crazed anonymous lovers kiss on their balcony somewhere in France
a fog dies out on some highway in mid Arizona
while a young woman smears red lip stick on her tainted mouth
she tries to gather her hair as it blows in the wind in her girlfriends
1975 convertible Chevrolet Caprice classic    
this desert is heavy she thinks to herself
as the thoughts of authority and being thrown into a jail cell
slowly slip away through her hallucinations
she casts the bottle of brandy to her drunken tongue
I am human she thinks, more human than I have ever been
a smile makes its way to her lips adjoined with tears
and childhood memories of lime aide on Saturday mornings
and the smell of chlorine from the old pool in the backyard that her mother
told her to never jump in

I trail my finger against the heat that has made its way to my shower door
and print some lewd drawing that brings a tiny bit of laughter to my gut

I remember the way you would analyze your face in the mirror
judging yourself so harshly, when orchids in spring would never compare to you

remember the feeling of having a butterfly rarely land on your hand as a child
nothing could have been more magical at that moment
when your heart explodes with mystical wonder
and then before you know it its set free again
things so ethereal are not meant for captivity
human hearts should learn how to relate
live freely

that is how I feel sometimes
when life brushes on my skin like  6 billion beating hearts
when I find ways to connect with those poor women in Kenya,
and tap into the rarity of their happiness
when I find ways to breathe in that same toxic air of the unfortunate civilians
of the city Chernobyl in Ukraine
when every child that has ever been given life breathes in my heart
when I connect and feel
alive.

Tonight. me and my mother cried in the same house.
in separate rooms/ we cried for the same reason.
If I was my mother I would be married with one child and pregnant.
A beautiful woman.young. pale. tall. thick black hair. and simply marvelous.
escaping a civil war at 15 in the hands of a man she barely knew.
life granted her tears of desperation and a hope
that shrivels in front of her more and more with each passing day
her desperation itself suffers like unseen children dieing in deserts unknown
like women who are beaten day after day
like humans who are killed for another humans dinner
where do you bow your head oh gracious care giver
when the air itself has departed from your small space
your small kitchen, and the house that you might loose
paintings hanging on the wall, recognizable for as long as I can remember
of sailor men who looked tiered with their lives
of men who look like you in their beaten down eyes
why must I see you burn in my presence  
like the one time I was 13 and you came into my dark room at midnight
placed my hand on your forehead and asked me to pray as if I could save
you from that quick move, that weakness that makes souls banish
and fall into the grave. I felt like a savior that night.
My mother why must I see you grieve.
I worry with each passing day your body might leave me.
I hold heavy weights on my shoulder and my actions they come to
cease when I think of your existence.
you transcend so often. From marble, to stone, to thin paper.
you stand brute in front of me unwavering, and then you crumble
beneath my eyes.
your daughter, your offspring.  you  .
I never knew a human can shed so many salty drops of crystal water.
shed so much invisible blood. deteriorate beneath the hands of suffering himself.
How could you have been so strong for me. I just do not understand.
Maybe that is why the lunatics live beneath our roofs.
Maybe that is the reason for the draining of sanity and quiet whispers.
These things never lived beside us.
These things never will.

The choir plays in the background.
          the violin steers and moves every *****.
                  every bone within suddenly becomes deceased

Our actions are floating above the black ocean
salvation has forced its way toward us as I whisper to you
you have left with permanent scars upon your lips

                                

                             I see how you touch them when no one is watching

I am nothing but after matter
nothing but a simple yearning

                                  I yearn for you with breaking hearts
                                               what foolishness
                           to remember you with the heart of a hopeful mankind
                                                 of a freedom

                       the sounds in the background raise and faint
         the noise in my head relentless like the blood running through our last memories

                                

.torture. she smiles.