some say you must die to know life
and how many times must I die
to what degree shall pain be inflicted upon me
till I can say, here I am
I am saved, and I understand
how long must I write with broken
fingers and broken memories
folding skin, and dried yes
there is no more of that here
no I do not look into you and peel out
those truthful lies
I am a poet blessed with
a curse of knowing too much to soon
of watching the others come and go
and feeling myself back
time and time again
in the same white room
and quite honestly, if you would
like to have the courage to listen
to my smallest truth
I am afraid to let go
of my solitude, I enjoy
wallowing and drifting
in a endless space of nothing
but myself

in where nothing is ever concrete
and everything in life becomes
a big mystery and risk
I don’t want to fall and then land
I want to keep falling into life
and experiencing every medium of it
without having anything to hold me back
and am I selfish for that
at this time I would like
to remember the times when
I almost gave in, and how
each one of those moments
folded into a black darkness
never to be found, after examining
the creases in your forehead
you vanished
and I am washed on shore again
beating alone, and strangely
satisfied and I feel safe
somewhere inside of me
I have learned how to take care of myself
I am my own mother and my own father
I am my sister and my brother
and above all I am my own
lover.

can I take but 2 subtle moments of your time
to sit in a dress, lace and my legs crossed
my hand movements filter the air
as I begin to wordlessly explain
the happiness in my well of coins
upon broken wishes, life’s affliction
and loves beautiful kisses
the muscles in my neck tighten
as my chest grows heavy with memories

I have grown old within this room
I try to clean with the veins in my wrists
its dusty corners with my witch and lovely broom
come sit, as I boil tea leaves in my old teapot
they have said to me many times, within you
breeds an old soul, and I do feel that energy
living within me

you see, I have been here before
I have cried those tears before
I have felt that love before

I have curled up like a baby
when you did those things to me,
before

I guess I have much to say
much to
convey and ignore

its 6 in the morning and the sun
is just making its way through the sky
and the birds are beginning to speak
in that language that I would die
to understand

I would love to have a bird on
my shoulder right now, feeling
its claws dig into my skin

I stare at my window
and remember all the lovers I left behind
those emotions from which I have resigned
and then a month passed and you lost it
and so did I
the love that we were both unable to find

and you lingering down
I must admit I see how the areas have changed
how it is me you sometimes blame, but
life
life
I just do not feel the same

in the hours that leak down
like children’s tears, candle wax
frail and delicate bones
I grind the surface of my body
in hope of fleeting a greater destruction
within my body
I have been overcome by my sanity
learned blindly how to dispose
of this anarchy

I am breathing now harshly
I am breathing now slowly
my torso opens and I intake everything

and I am finally blooming

el sol va tocar la lluna i amb els ulls brillants que compartien una
paradoxa amor, es va convertir en el seu conjunt
es va torçar en una essència sota els llençols de les tenebres al
nostre espai infinit
the world whispered the simple phrase into my ample
body, frigid in the sense mentally and physically
I cant get enough of this new comer
I feel the verses in my poetry have became
more real when words are enveloped in
a character of no moral restraints
I am more real now, I feel full
yet my emptiness is there on the side
I need that, and its understood - every human does
wholesome
grateful
the living dead are fully
alive now, and I have let
the deader parts of me fade away
with the turning of time
I have a new sheet of skin upon my body
I have new eyes peering at the world
with the stare of a pale ****** who has
yet to be touched by the sun
just coming out of my mothers womb
you see
I am born again
I breathe for the first time
and I love genuinely
I throw my arms in the sky
and I bathe myself in the wind
of this foreigner whom soon
I will give my body to
and you will grow along me
the clouds move above me like a
euphoric dream of melodies
and I feel the rush of the universe
come down on me like a huge raindrop
and I am cleansed
and I am free
and I am love
the smell of wet wood in the park
suffocates me with its natural joy
and I lay on the grass and peer
into the lakes of life and
the mysteries they hold, I cannot
wait to find out the riddles
and listen to the new rhymes to come
welcome new year

come my most adored pain
my most cruel love
lets us fly on the wings of infants
let us bathe in the paint of white innocence
come to me with your palms wide open
so that I may read those brittle creases
and see myself within them
come to me on your mornings
when your head hurts
so that I may kiss the indent of your
beautiful temple
come to me when when your eyes
have become drought
and your heart a famine
so that I may plant the seeds of my sorrow
into you
and rub the heat of your bruised cannon

come to me when all has withered away
crawl to me on your knees
so that I may give you the strength within me
when you come to me I want you to say
let us **** our hearts and shun this dismay
tell me its okay
that today will be that day
when blood turns from brown to red
and hearts burn and shiver under the sun
in the midday
our lips wont touch, fingers stilted in a wither
I beg you
I beg you
to stay

and look at you with eyes of wonder, gratitude, chastity
I
I
will always feel you this way

my solitude was the closest things to me
and please I ask you to take it and **** it if you may

I tiptoe like a slave escaping his prison
held for crimes that he never committed
to you
to you
I have forfited
towards your dark beauty
I am driven
lets bathe in the dust
of our elephants tusks
I will shower you with my skin
and whatever it is that is left of this
worlds luck