I need a film to describe this
to get the message through in complete
character
mind blowing
subductive
subjective introspecting learning
through another mind in all that
its given for
I know you
but your my stranger
I carry you in between my fingers
I laugh at your curiosity
and beg to differ from
so many disciplines that have
frowned upon our new land
corsette love
imagine the thrill
imagine the drill
into the lightest and deepest core
within every unknown dark thing
inside of your small body
Im familiar with it
I embrace it
I cant control myself
and wish you would do the same
when in a menace sorounding
your purging in my mind
like atomic warfare

you want to fall
crash into my landscapes
touch my sawgrass
and bite my quivering knees

it seems to me I have fell into hopeless romance
sided with pain and anticipation
anxiouness and sensuality
I feel how you graze my goosbumps
and they look at me with envy
I give them my humble smile

but I am almost never humble with you
you rip me apart
you tear at me with your claws
you bleed me dry
and Im flourished with all my thoughts
of you

sitting
baggy shirt night shines
and the moon is sitting on my hair
and water is sitting on my red cheeks

I think about you once the plane crashes
every once in a while in my mind
a rare catastrophe

lives have been lost
and I'm sitting here mourning
all the lives that were between us
all the lives we have lived together

but we lived so little
no no
we didnt last long
we didnt last long at all

I look at my hands
the blood in them runs cold while I sit here
my eyes feel cold the veins in them - streaks of ice

emptiness blossoms like cherry trees in japan
coming out of every pour
oh I am a flourshing woman
flushed in distressing thoughts of a woman
who once held me in her arms
like I was glass
touched me like I was silk
and looked at me as if I was made of stone

understanding why my moral reasoning beckons
to life the way it does

why cant I inhale you right now
I must come to you
to show you how I feel
so that you can wrap your fingers around me
like I am porcelain
I already feel my blood getting warmer

I shiver
and cry
while the moon weeps along my side
tonight I mourn the lives lost between us
I mourn the children in between
the new borns between us who we never saw grow up
and the so many lives we could have lived
in my bones dear I am aching
simply thinking about all the lives we could have been living

you think you can insult me with your charm
you think you can insult me with your beauty
you think you can insult me with that mind of yours
and if you speak
and even if you are so sentimental

your sighs still ring heavily in my broken showers
why am I so deadened
beaten down
by my own definition of what you are


you creep to those trees in my land
growing along side me
watching the season come and go with me

that is what you render to
resort to

should you dry yourself off in the cloak of
shame and timid everyday

just bring an end to me and this
bring and end
or atleast say something
actually
maybe silence should be kind

and if you should have it
if the power was in your reach
if selfishness could speak
you would want to leave me in one peice
while the other million have disapeared
left with so little of myself

you would have destroyed me
if it was in you power
if it was in your reach

I smiled to you
and you smiled back to me

the parted lips that hurt the heart
of so many before us
hunderds and hundreds of years before us

you would have fed me to the desert
if it was up to you

you would have sent me to the sun
you would have let me melt
oh there was so many things you would do to me
if it were up to you

you would have put me in yours hands
and crush the glass that I have given you
with me inside your fingerprints

if it was up to you
if it was in your reach

you would have me sit spiritually
on top of your eyelids as I cry
every morning
and every night
your personal sad porcelain doll
expressing herself to you
in one way

pain.


and if it were up to me
I would have loved you very deeply

I have reached that fatal point
in where I associate consequence with defeat and happiness

I have reached that fatal point
in where I associate warmth in spaces between your arms
and your fingers

I have reached a point so fatal that it has made me
feel
more alive

in between your curiosity I hide
I imagine myself in so many different places with you
and sit and just let my thoughts trail

I know you in a sense of understanding
and how subtle that is
I wouldnt believe it if I really knew you
saw your light in your darkest places
and saw the dimness in your vast brightness
saw your spine from the inside out
and felt your chest upon mine

I have tasted the poisin in your cheeks
but I have yet to hear your heart beat upon my ear

I have a notion brief yet so strong
of what your are capable of doing to me
that if you were to show me to places within your
hidden places
I might lean back and scream
what it is
what it is
to feel such a powerful thing

when I thought beauty couldnt strech her hand any
further
I saw what was behind your fingerprints
what was behind everything that was physcial
what was behind everything that was spiritual
something that went deeper

I see you
and then I see time
and then I see a mixture of colors
a blurr

this permanent handwriting on my walls
marked with touch by your words
has edged itself along the small of my thoughts
and I am devoured
depleted by you


To think that your sense was staggered
puts my thoughts to sleep
and I cant understand
how you thought I didnt feel the same

I walk backwards to how I hid so discreetly from you
if only you knew I feared you
and feared myself
feared how the colors might mix
feared how the pain might ravage us and lay
our hearts to waste
under the gravel of such beautiful little things


now I move
and where to exactly I cant press my tongue against that
but we move timidly towards each other