I dont know how I let this certain mist evaporate in my catastrophic realm
out of all the things I have held on to

I let you go

waves flowing through my obscured destruction
I was left without a doubt
that your eyes didnt belong here
that your scent shouldnt linger on my clothing everday until you left

I would never want to get aquinted with it
what would I do when I smelt like myself again instead of you

being around you was like finally breathing fresh air
after living in black water suffocated
this I have gotten use to
but I had a taste of what is was like to breathe otherwise to have my eyes cleared of the blurry film
--

and it hurt
so much more than where I stood before

to have it taken away from me at such short notice
you might never even know young gentlemen the impact you had

on my cold fragile little soul

but I will never forget

your air will always linger around me even if its sways behind a million other thoughts

I am honored by your repulsive behaviour
to know I can have such an impact on your character
leaves me breathless
memories flood every *****

my blood feels thicker everytime a drop of you comes to my mind

my heart feels heavier

my eyes feel wetter

why do I feel posined by something so beautiful
why am I intoxicated and drunk of the thought of something so natural

do you wake up with glistening cheeks
like I do

no its not a dream
I understand that this is my reality
I always look back
watching as these thoughts retreat to everything I ever believed in

in everything I never believed in

no words escaped your lips when I slowly walked backwards torwards my sunless house
where only few flowers grow in its vast landscape
---
but I saw the look in your eyes

I
didnt know

exactly where to fall
or if I should have let myself fall at all

my hands believed in you
satisfied by little to none
I could have gave them to anyone
little white pedals laying stagnant on each fingertip
revelations of the flowers you helped blossom in my impotent heart
how can I explain something provoking veins inside the blood of my emotions
when I didnt even know blood flowed through anything but my physical body
a cemetary of memories lay abyss somewhere inside of me
like the joyfull living praised when there but never appreciated enough

until souls bid farewell

the hour of separtion came to me as something that was dream like
something that couldnt be real

a few days pass almost placidly flowing over my being
and then it comes
expected lament,

when I intertwine
and when my body curves
its like the grapevine in the old forest that has been growing on the same rusty metal for 100 years
on the house that belonged to a joyful yet poor woman
when I tread its torwards thus which captivates me.
bewilderment has taken its place in whats now the refuge.
home in the ingenius of another mind

your prose streches out to me and your words like orchids
brushed upon my mind like a thousand drops of incoherent happiness
and when your eyes turn to the light of my direction
they tap into my universe
and everytime they multiply endlessly
my world expands to be filled with more tenderness and elaborate abundance
I dive into an ocean so deep
and my lungs
they dont
collapse
you have taken me to places in where I didnt know I could survive
bleeding happiness
you stab me with a knife a thousand times everytime you say my name

my disposotions in your eyes feeds
upon
the love that I have planted long ago somewhere in the dirt
cycles spelt in forgein languages
me and you both dont understand
why
why
has the dirt covered our eyes in such a way
why have these vines wraped around my neck
they are suffocating me
and the thorns puncture
my memories of you where you are smiling
and holding me happily
somwhere in your arms
now im somewhere in the dirt