The sky’s blue as the ocean,
Everything’s moving in slow motion,
I just can’t believe what happened,
Now all my scars are open.

You left me in deep misery,
Crashing my beautiful fantasy,
Drowning in the wide open sea,
Please, come & save me.

I ran so far like the distant sky,
Crying my tears out till it’s all dry,
Sometimes I wish I could just fly,
Fly away & say goodbye.

Now I know, you’re made of stone,
But so what, my heart grew cold,
Everything you’ve ever known,
Will be buried in deathly black snow.

On these days
With no light
Mental haze
Or is it night
With shells a blaze
eyes glowing bright
and bodies lain
on blankets of white
No tears of joy
are shed today
Let to employ
this hostile way
The way of savage
and man alike
When we digress
to a lower life
instinct locks in
when death is nigh
don't fight to win
but to survive
it is no problem
to stomach this filth
Knowing that battle
turns all to silt

The truth hurts
so I lie.
My decisions are doomed
so I don't decide.
I'm not loved
so I love too much.
I'm scared of myself.
But solitude remains my crutch.

Light is more important than the lantern,
The poem more important than the notebook,
And the kiss more important than the lips.
My letters to you
Are greater and more important than both of us.
The are the only documents
Where people will discover
Your beauty
And my madness.

With the cold air in my bones
And the warmth of my tired heart and cloudy breath...
I sit here and search for stars in the muddled night sky,
Finding nothing but the reflection of my own thoughtful iris'.

**Darkness.

I don't fear emotion. It comforts me
Emotion cradles me in its warm embrace
Like a new born child gasping between tears
And holds me tight until I catch my breath

I don't fear language. It welcomes me
I've spoken since I was 2 and articulated for years
Words are as vital as my heart and my lungs
Even more so when they keep me from suffocating

But I fear poetry. It taunts me
Structure is my comfort
Yet the bane of my existence
It haunts me
Mocks me
For the road that I take
And I fear that I diverge
Too far from the rest:
My poetry lies in breaks and stanzas
Not breaths and motions
It poisons the air but breaths life to the page
It ignites the heart but dies on the lips
It penetrates the mind to it's deepest depths
But when it is spoken it falls to the flames

I don't fear the reading. I fear the response
The silence that echoes in place of the cheers
The tentative applause that chokes me to tears
The thoughts that resound:
"That's metered not free"
"It breaks far too much"
"Not slam poetry"
Too different for them
Too different for me.

I fear the impact
After the fall
Because it makes me wonder
If I'm a poet at all

i'm not beautiful
never will be
i'm not smart
you can't say that to me
don't tell me nice things
i am none of them
i am horrible
a monster
a human
i can't look at myself in the mirror
and when i do
i see eyes
showing disgust
i see them shaming
what they're looking at
i don't want you to tell me lies
let me drown and die in the truth
the harsh truth
i am not beautiful
i am not being humble
i am not beautiful
and never will be
not physically
not in soul