Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
michelle reicks Jan 2012
i found a letter that i wrote to you
stuck in the case of my favorite cd.

signed

i love you,
          -michelle


when i saw those words
i thought about
                 standing in your driveway
shaking as you held me
               we were fixing the mistakes we'd made
And I thought about you pushing me
                                    in that shopping cart
hair in my face and laughter in my mouth

And I keep going back to the
time we slept on the floor
the snow falling heavy like blankets outside
                       your neck was a magnet for my lips
                       my fingers were glued in between yours
                       my eyes could not blink for looking at you



When i found the letter i wrote to you
signed

i love you,
          -michelle


at the bottom

I tore it into a thousand minuscule pieces

my tears inking my own ****** words
                into my fingertips
michelle reicks Oct 2013
When you look at me

your eyes change.
                                    from a muddy lake blue
to a golden yellow, shining white

          And I know that
              you are the most gentle
                      soul I've ever met
And I'll make you believe in souls
             just so I can describe
to you
                    how it feels when yours touches mine.

I can see your soul in those eyes
         It leaks out
                     when I talk about the
times I was hurt
            darling.
I have been hurt
                              and your eyes
turn grey like couds
                  when you listen to me
         speak of
                         the past tortures
                  the rapes the cuts
                          the scars the pills
                                  the pills

Your eyes never stay grey.

                     Because after grey comes green.

           Brilliant glowing like a
                     grass-covered hill where I used to
            point out shapes in clouds.
                                                         ­                                           (when I was 8 years old and trusting the
                                                             ­                                        world to keep me grounded; but gravity
                                                         ­                                            never did its job.)
when your eyes are
                        Green,              
                ­                           green grabs me
                   by the waist
                                             pulls me close
                     breathes me in
                                                   and says

"I will not let go
          
                    until you want me to"

But darling
                       your eyes lock tight

around me
              
                           and I like it

here.
michelle reicks Oct 2011
I saw a girl, 23 year old
wearing a white coat, white scarf
with a very white face and
                  white blonde hair

and her cheeks were wet

I know how that feels


I sometimes wish that I could
fade into the snow
         and disappear

                                   too.
michelle reicks Jan 2013
the therapist said
that i have to
"strip away my earth suit
and find my true essence"

find my true essence.
who the **** am i without a boy by my side
and a hand in my hand?

who am i when i'm alone in my room, listening to silence?

who am i
without you?

It's hard.
it's gonna be hard to figure it out.
it's gonna be a journey

a journey that i need to take.

but at the same time, it's like
the Matrix.

taking the red pill?
or the blue pill.

you make a choice.
you can either hibernate
in another person's reality

or you can live your own.


but it's so much easier to fill this gaping hole in my chest with people that don't fit

than to try to let it heal by itself.'
michelle reicks Feb 2013
it has become
incredibly important

that I figure out
who I am.

and I guess, I can
only start with who
I'm not.

       I'm not going
to be someone that
uses people.
    which means I can
never go back to you.
as much as I want
to.
        because it's easy.
why
michelle reicks Sep 2011
why
hot tears of brown
fall into my ears
and dye my hair a new color

one that i don't like.


This
"missing you"
is so much more than my tiny worm body can hold

it's not missing anymore.
it's not
it's hot, hard
pain
like a brick oven and you've shoved me inside

it scorches my hands
and i kiss my palms
pretending that they are yours

and it soothes me
like a shirt
or a song

until the shirt gets washed
and the song becomes warped and sticky from scratched cds

how long will it be before you can no longer recharge my battery?
You fill me up
but i always die again


but
it gives me life when you
give me


your
sweet softness
and rough
             beautiful
gracious
           gloriousness
of the spine of your back, your back is
your back is
my back

what happens when you cannot recharge my
battery
so easily?

what happens when it feels like you
are far away

even
when
you
are near
michelle reicks Apr 2013
Let me explain something to you.

When you look at me
with your soft ocean blue eyes,
and you look into my soul
and you can see all the hurt
and all the lies
that i have been telling myself to get me by

I want to cry. I want you to hold me.

No one else.

And when I give in to that need,
and the hot tears fall into my lap,
I just can't help it.

They just come
when you're near me.

And I don't understand it
i don't understand myself
and i don't understand how i feel about you.

Because when I let those tears fall,

to me, they feel like weakness
that somehow managed to leak out of my eyes
because I'm keeping too many secrets

and the biggest one
is that

I love you
and I want to keep you in my life.

But I don't want to sound selfish

So I make do, never taking the time
to explain to you
that all I wanna do

is let you hold me.

Because this weakness- you turn it into strength.

And, as ****** up as my past is,

you took the time

                                 to learn how to love me.

But I still
can't stand

for you
to see me cry.
michelle reicks Jun 2011
Rainy days make me feel complete
I love the sound
Of pittering
Pit pit pit pit on sidewalks but mostly
On windows

Rainy days
Make me wish everyone else would just shut up

And listen to life growing
michelle reicks Jan 2012
sometimes

when the lights are low



I can feel our breath

turn into steam
michelle reicks Jan 2012
when life is suddenly too busy for poetry


i drown
without it



i simply drown

**in everything else
michelle reicks Oct 2011
I worry about you,
boo.

I worry that you
are alone
                  in a dark
room
like a prison cell
rats running over the floor
disease
grits for every meal

dirt in every crevice
cold toes.


                        I worry about


you.

I worry that you
are alone

with no one beside you
to comfort you.

I want to pick up
the phone and call

             I worry too much


or perhaps never enough
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I might not always be ready
for something so new
and different from
what I was used to

but I like laying in your
warm nest of blankets
and lingering scents
of cigarettes

and smooth skin brushing for hours
because we can’t think of anything else to do

and I could spend the rest of my time asleep
with you

when your hip bones part my thighs
and we don’t know whose hair is whose

I want to cling to you

and listen to your heart
cry for something you’ve never felt
michelle reicks Oct 2011
It was like
                   you were like

making music with words
                                    that make me

feel again

                I have to practice
being happy.

                             I think.
                                         you think?

because at the end of the day

when my hair is one billionth
of an inch

                   lon
                         ger
than it was yesterday,

                      No one notices

       except you.
michelle reicks Aug 2013
wipe the lipstick off with the back of my hand
wipe the mascara black drenched tears from my cheeks

I get scared
           driving in my car
because I still want to run red lights
and I am terrified of how life
is so unrelenting. It just
******* continues. You are gone.
You are gone but the world moves on
and I just want to break down
and crumble because these hallways
still play Chicago
and my mom just
keeps on gardening
     Elise keeps on painting.

And I live life
        day to day
              getting my hopes up every time the ******* phone rings.
michelle reicks Jun 2011
As I listened to the
WORDS
spewing from your ugly
drama filled tongue(you're addicted to saying the word **** and attaching people to it)

        I tried to stay happy
for as long as possible

I knew that "****" would sink in
and take away my
contentment. (i was just sitting there, eating my cold lasagna
when i heard you begin
your disgusting rant)

Your words
                       would make statements,
make music full of hate.
not music at all, really.

more like sounds. noisy WORD
sounds
angrily
the way a crow sounds
the way a baby cries
the sound of that pathetic boy
getting picked on
near the swingset
by two older kids because of his snowflake winter boots
but

YOU don’t feel
bad for him
michelle reicks Jun 2011
you aren’t here
and you don’t know that i
love you countless ways

in a different way than how
we used to kiss in that tall tree of hope

I love your thing
your whiskers
your coarse black  hair in the
    nest of where I spend my nights(a slugabed)
your trunk, rooted deeply
in your strong muscular back
and I love your
feet.
your
wide
toenails

c o v e r i n g   t h e   e n t i r e t y   o f    t h e   t o p   o f   y o u r    t o e.
I love your words
and I know that they mean what they are
nothing more

and I love how I trust you
I trust you with the,
Frailty   of   my,   sickly body
and my cardiovascular device
and you hold it with those fingertips that
--so often hold me

mistakes are mended by your fingers
hands are held by your fingers
mysteries are managed by your hands and
each finger does its duty


and ever and again you don’t understand why I do things
why I push you away
like a baby that won't open its mouth for medicine
I cannot make sense of these things either
and I wish
(on every kiss, sweetness dear)
that I didn’t do them
but sometimes life makes
--you wonder what am I doing
driving on the left side of the road
michelle reicks Jul 2011
i'm listening to our breath
and the buzzing of a minnesota mosquito
in my ear




i fall
deeper and deeper
into the pavement
and the grass
and the air
and you.


and it's easy.
there isn't anything important
that i have to do in the morning.

so this can just last.
if you want.




because this is different from anything
i've ever seen
heard
tasted
smelled
felt
before.

it looks like the minneapolis skyline peeping over deepdark water
it sounds like a mosquito buzzing in my ear, alongside your nose breathing
it tastes like the saltwateronmyupper lip
smells like sunshine burnt skin and long grass and sweaty armpits(myfavoritesmell)

feels
like
joy.
michelle reicks Feb 2013
why do i have such a desperate screaming want need to plunge into something
and yet
how do i even begin to do it in a healthy way
without hurting myself, hurting him, hurting you, hurting me

because you gave my heart a beat
that's a scary thought.
is it too soon
is it right
is the time right
is this right
my soul is so confused
and it wants so many answers

all i know
is that you gave my heart a beat.


it's a good measure of how much you like someone
when you forget that time exists and that
the world is still turning
at four in the morning

and you're still writing poems and breathing in
and out
listening to your heart beat


and you are completely ready to risk
your whole heart
and a whole lot of pain and suffering
just because you like
where this might be heading.


you can go to sleep tonight,
knowing that you gave my heart a beat.

which is something i gave up on a long time ago
michelle reicks Jun 2011
your voice was not shaking
i only heard understanding.

under the phone crackling
i heard a train going somewhere far away.

i want to turn myself inside out
so you can see how my heart is covered in blood

but i can trust you
not to try to fix it.
but just to understand.
michelle reicks Oct 2011
If I can keep this going,

maybe you'll get why I

pull away when you kiss my

lips


                   It's because I

am crazy for you.



         Crazy

                          like yellow finches

    flying straight into glass pane doors


                    and the shock

                                                kills me
michelle reicks Oct 2013
All
That I can
do is smile as
I look at you, and
this pen runs out of ink.
You make me feel so warm inside,
so wholesome - so worthwhile - so
meaningful. Love is such a wonderful
experience. I close my eyes + I don't
see anything, but I feel everything. Moments
like these, I never want them to end.
I can't think of a good metaphor
to describe how my heart feels, but I'll
try my best to explain: it feels round,
heavy -  full with caring, the desire to share.
It wants so badly to
touch yours. I
feel so incredibly
wonderful.
Thank you.
i did not write this poem, nor do i take credit for it.
i simply transcribed it, because it was a very nice memory.
michelle reicks Jun 2011
Three weeks ago
I was so sad I thought I would die

And now
I’m not sad at all
So,
I am living proof that
Time goes on.

Quit whining
michelle reicks Feb 2013
your voice is a low rumble
        that pushes over waves
of everything else

Your laugh sticks out

                    it calms me
                  
                                       because it means
                                                    you're near.




shut up shut up shut up
michelle reicks Jul 2011
i don't know
if i like the fuzz on your earlobes
more
or less
than anyone else's.
and i'm only telling you this

because i don't want to you feel too special
when you don't deserve it

but i wish i had kissed your ears.

i really regret that
but you would probably have pulled away

and then i wouldn't be writing this stupid ******* poem about absolutely nothing and calling it art
michelle reicks Jan 2012
you didn't have to try so hard

to convince me
that you loved me.



your poems were enough



your eyes were enough.
michelle reicks Jan 2012
the sweet angry words
of a soul so far away
awake me to breathe
michelle reicks Jan 2012
Four weeks later
I'm still sad about it.

     listening to songs
                                   I wish you had
                            played for me



remembering
                           the day we walked through
                           a snow fallen    
                                           forest

beautiful, more than anything.
                    I couldn't believe it

and we walked for a long time,
                     just in silence

and we were scared to hold each
                                             other's hands

(maybe it was just me that was afraid)

                    When we walked back to my
                                      room

                  an­d you fell asleep in my arms

                                     I kissed your forehead
                               and felt a world of



                                              everything
­                                                         in my heart


Just like you said I would
when you dared me to fall in
love with you.
                         And then
                                    I did



When you awoke,
                                  we
undressed each other
                                    slowly

while deep lip kisses

               burned into my brain



I fell for you.  That's the
              hardest thing in the world
to admit
                   because everyone said I
would fall for you


but I wanted to prove them
                                          *wrong
michelle reicks Jan 2012
cleaning out the refrigerator

the hot kitchen
             the underside of my *******
               collect moisture

and everything smells like salsa.
                                  and pickles.
and raspberry scented dishsoap.

crusty yellow nasty **** caked on

                         the glass shelves

it won't come off,
                                even after a long soak

     I scrape it off with a razor blade

I took out all the eggs, the garlic,
containers of cooked wild rice,
store bought broccoli cheese soup

the butter or margarine or rat poison
or whatever it is
I'd never touch it.

The jar of homemade canned sweet pears
                    from when my mom's brother
                    had an excellent harvest
                                                        two years ago.

there's a small circle of browning black mold floating on top.

four cans of Thirster brand orange
juice, only 80 calories
per serving!





puddles of nasty gray hardened sticky gunk
i don't know what it is.
or what it used to be.

Then the drawers of vegetables

the browning lettuce
the dirt covered mold covered unopened
bag of broccoli and cauliflower

5 red peppers
                        squishy in some places

The             shelves                         all    come   out.

wash with warm soapy water
                                             i wipe the sweat off
                                          my face with the dry
                                       part of my arm


                  I put everything back in its place.    

                    All clean.

                                               Now my refrigerator

                                    has lost all its

                                                     character

— The End —