Barbies
          their heads come off
                so easily.
so i'm sitting in my room
pretending that i am
                       a ruthless
King

              and these ***** wenches

have all broken laws.

     and they need to
         be punished.

you wear the thick glasses



and the plaid shirt


and i see you at the library all the time

with your plastic coffee cup



your stomach overflowing

with art



we could be sisters
if you weren't such a stuck up *****

ha ha ha

that's how you convinced me to jump in the sack with you.



those three words.


"it's not just *******"

it's pure uncensored emotion


what emotion?


which one?


because it certainly wasn't love
- you never loved me, ever.


it definitely wasn't happiness
-you never made me happy


for sure wasn't excitement
-you never got excited about anything important




so what was it?


anger?
******* me to get revenge
who?

Your mother?

Your ex?




yourself?





maybe it was
heartbreak

******* me
to feel numb
so it doesn't hurt as bad








                                                                  maybe it was boredom.



                                  Yep,





                                                                i think that was it

there isnt a **** thing i can tell you
that i haven't said over and over

honey, go ahead.
ask me the same questions
why did it fail
where did it stop working
when did i stop loving you



but at this point, it's just masochistic

men see me
little more than a face
legs
****
*******

to you
i am only a hole for you
to stick your **** into.

i am so much more than that.

i have eyes and fingertips
ankles and feet to hold me up as you kick me down.

i was 12 and naive
when i was *****

i was 17 and in love
when i was *****.

i was 19 and moving too fast.
when i was *****.


did you know that you ***** me?
did it ever cross your tiny ball of grey matter that i meant no when i said it?
that the look on my face was not pleasure
but pleading
for you to stop?

no, it may not have hurt my beautiful little cuntgirl
but it hurt the girl inside my heart

and she hates you

she never wants to see you again.

did you know that you ***** me once?

i was 12
on a tattered couch
reeking of cigarettespotandcatpiss.

and he pushed my head further down
until i gagged
and i gagged

over and over
did you know that you ***** me?


whatever reason.
whatever reason you gave me
will never
could never
heal this anger
and disgust.


i was 17
when he assumed
that i wanted his **** inside me.
and he granted me the favor
over and over
and i loved him too much to say no
but i cried
when it was over.
and i left him in his sad armchair
with his pants around his knees
and my heart on my sleeve

but no more.


i was 19
and i was no longer stupid
i knew that two weeks was too fast
i knew that if he asked, i would say no

i told myself, if he asks, i will say no.
i will tell him no if he asks.
i knew that if he asked, i would say no.

he never asked.

he penetrated
and shoved against me like bulldozers

and left me feeling so cold
with my head on his chest


but you were not the first
and you will probably not be the last
man
to see ME as a hole

for your ****


did you know that you ***** me?

you did.

I am his soda; he drinks me in

caresses me with his hands

brushes lips against me

for the period of bliss, life is heaven

                                Pure Ecstasy

I am his soda
  
Until one day, unexpectedly

he drops me

on the pavement- Crunch! with his foot.

he tosses me carelessly  

into a bin. He threw me in.

He threw me away.


I am an empty, crushed soda can.

The recycling man soon arrives

melting me, molding me back into myself

He fills my soul with something
  
bubbly and sweet

So here I'll wait

for a boy who won't crush me up

But instead, pour more Love into his cup.

my breath
couldn’t keep up
with our rapid kissing

and I suffocated
right there
in your red arms

and when I died
you kept right on
*******

he can't build you the world
                       no purpose
                                    or magic mirror
                    show me the truth
                                       !
                              a feeling
                           a bigger boat?
                                go ahead
here's looking at you
                    and me
                          together

anger
shaking my whole body


you're mine.

you could never be anyone else;s

it's too soon it's too soon it's too soon it's too soon


please
just a little longer




you could never be trash

you're my
you're my
you're my




light
at the end of this tunnel



the light
at the bottom of this pit

this grave

that i am digging for myself




i want you here
more than anything

don't give up on me don't give up on me don't give up on me




i weep daily

in public places

just for you

working here,
  i get the sense that everyone
is a little ****** up
   Either insecure or vain and
full of themselves
         too quiet or too loud
  too trusting
      or they're constantly getting  
    ****** over

Am i the girl that will
    break you or make you?
will I build you up
or tear you down

I want this to be a mutual decision

going to our favorite baseball field
in a car

I look out the windows
and see grass
like the stuff we used to lay in while

you played your guitar
and I hummed

I know you

more than I know myself
you are my home

I am home

you are the softness
and  spicy smells
and curly red hairs that I find on my coat

you are the song my dad used to play
before I grew up and lost him

and do you remember when we would bike down to that
gas station and buy iced teas
and cigars

how did I come to be so very far from you?

smoke fills my lungs
and fire burns my heart

but I know I’ll be back soon.

if i thought they were dumb before,


now (after the geologist broke my heart)


i think they're

lethargic,
obtuse,
pointless,
inane,
futile

(boring as ******* hell).



i will now stay away from men in climbing boots.


so, thank you.

I have no idea
if you're reading
this and

if you are
I would like to apologize

for causing you pain
which would have
inevitably come

           from
my love for you

which,
           I have tried
to make disappear
             but so far;
                      no luck.

I can't read them anymore.

I can' t read my own poems
                     because they

make me

                 want to hurt myself

I know that you've read them.

And they've caused you pain.
       So lately,
                          I've gone
back
               to where I was

To who I was

a panicky guilty person

with a soul that aches to
         bleed
                       because I never learned
how to just fix things.


I only ever knew

how to **** myself
         over to even the
score.

At this point
                I feel as though

I've ****** up your whole life.

        I've taken all the pleasure
out of every moment.

      I want to run blades

      across my wrists.

            The feeling is so strong

I want to do it, for once
not to make myself feel

        but to make you
better.

                     why
why                                 why


why    why why do i want

to hurt myself.


Why am I so ****** up.


why.


                    why do i always hurt
                               everyone around me


               why     why    why

                              does my heart scream

you smell the same way i always remembered you


like a sweet musk musty with sweat and heartache
every crinkle on your face
every single pore

was almost forgotten


but honey,
i will keep your lips from getting chapped ever again

just wait wait wait.
wait just a little longer

i know it's hard

but when we wrap ourselves in each other

and the skin of my hands
is your skin on your face
and the freckles on my knees
are your freckles on your shoulders

and the light that shines in my eyes is a greyblueblack

happiness
will evade us
we won't apologize to anyone

for the grains of sand under our fingernails

i will sigh every winter
deep, just like you

and we will breathe the same air

like we share the same lungs
same heart
same eyes
same face


same hands

I am oddly expected
to understand and
            enjoy learning about
scientific experiments

when all I can
bring my body to
            think about

is long tanned legs
******* that jump out
at me, like happy birthday michelle
she's so dripping wetmoist, shiny like a windshield
red pink and lightly browned
and I am so glad to be female.

wow
        biology is a waste of time

                           i should have taken anatomy

I feel in my skin
in my hair
in the backs
       of my eyelids,
that if there was one
house in minnesota that felt like New York - -
this would be it. Quiet dead of winter, the street filthy out the window,
people wandering the cold dark streets in the night sky
me, cozied up on your paisley couch with a cat warming my feet with its soft purr,
drinking a glass of sweet red.
you, typing emails for your union organizing, and playing your favorite jazz record for me. Me,
                                            in love with you

                  You, loving me,
                                    as silly as it seems to me.

in seven and a half days
you will pick me up (from the airport
and i will pick you up (from the slump you've been in
and we will hold each other there
in the air

in seven and a half days
my mind will finally be at rest
i no longer have to snap back into focus
after dozing into daydreams of
your sweet skin

in seven and a half days
my heart will burst from the feelings you elicit
inside of me, you keep me afloat
the world tries to pull me under
you save me

in seven and a half days
our worlds will collide
after remaining seemingly separate for months
I will know the people you know
we will share

in seven and a half days
i will not worry about grades
or missing the bus or getting fat or being alone
you will extract the ****
replace with beauty

in seven and a half days
your arms will become my safe haven
your body envelops mine, covers me
i have never felt so safe
in my life

in seven and a half days
our bodies will melt into each other
waking up next to you
kiss your forehead, toes intertwine
yours mine ours

in seven and a half days
I will love you
-in person.

there was one night
i remember particularly


when the candles were lit

on the bedside table
and in my soul


i was on fire

for you


there were hours of
my lips against yours



hot warmth of your back
warming my palms

I couldn't believe that
your body
was inside
of my body.

we were one person.

the skin and the smell
of your sweat

a constant reminder of our nakedness
wow


breathtaking
wetness
of everything


peeking at
our *******
we both looked down
you pulled out
wet from me

wet like everything we knew

like the lake that we swam naked in
or the river
where i first thought

"love"

is what this is.


we looked down
and the hair
sticking to my legs
from the delicious sweet muskiness

shimmering

the sweat on my body was not yours
it was not mine

it was Ours

for hours

if i don't do it
                                          i know i'll forget
how to.
                     i know my poems
are ****
               Okay?
                             I know they
are. But I'm not writing
them for you. Sure , I might be wasting my
time but time will all
be gone soon anyway.
                Canyou   even understand
the concept of time?
                     then don't
               judge my poems
                    
                               with that crackpotmind

he lifts up my skirt
and says not to worry

but I do anyway

but I don’t tell him that
and he gazes into
my blossom

while I am cringing
because of the cold

but i don’t tell him that

and then it’s hurtinghurtinghurtinghurtinghurtinghurting

and then it’s over
and I feel the exact same as I did before
but I don’t tell him that

and I don’t think he proved his love to me
like he said he was going to
he didn’t make me feel good
like he said he was going to
and I still don’t love him

but I don’t tell him that

why


does


it


still


hurt




*But on the other hand,



my heart is saying


thank you

to my voice

can’t get my mind off of
sexsexsex

lying eyes
fruitful decadent lips
sharp neck
shoulder
******
bellybutton
hips (round and hard like a rising cliff--
heaving and sliding)
and then
comes the places where I feel at home
where you like to burrow
make love to me

before the sun goes down again

dear god
everything is wet
it's like *** in a bathtub

you asked me if i was a water child
the answer is yes,always,yes

and i keep trying to tell you with my eyes
how much this means to me
how much it burns in my



chest

how badly i want to tell you

that i'm deep in water-love with you.
this is the moment that has been eating away at my fingernails and teeth and the roots of my hair for days.
days.







so i say it

and i'm covered in you,
i'm covered in the scared looks you're giving me


and i refuse to return them
i ******* refuse
to apologize for this
moment.


i will live to be 749 years old but i will look back into your greyblueblackeyes
and know
that i made the right decision
when those words flew out of my mouth
and then slapped me in the face.


and i don't give a flying ****.
if i sink
in this waterlove.

it will be
the happiest death of my living life
and i've died more times than a cat

the flood gates have opened,
               the water rushes to my center, the
                           place where I feel things
it breaks me down
                        leaks through the walls

and you are my water

      you are my rain - the rain
              that washes away everything else

Clothes drenched - strip them off.
Make-up smeared - wipe it away

            You are the river
                       I float downstream,
              watch the sun sparkle off of the
                  reflection of my face,

                            red hair clinging to my shoulders.

              you are my ocean
      and I feel infinite
                                      when your waves
                                           crash over me

So let them crash over me,
                               let them sweep me
                                                        away

                         sink to the bottom of you.

i'm terrified of seeing you again.

and it's very different because it only ever brought me joy

because i would see the happiness and joy in your eyes


and i'm terrified that i'll just see hatred
towards me


for hurting you
but i would deserve it.


and you deserve to be happy. i wish i could
erase all the pain that you are feeling

and hold you again


but i can't

because i chose to let you go.

this loneliness is so difficult


and i miss you.



but being strong for yourself is better than being weak for someone else.

I'm angry

and I don't really know why.

I think it's because you're angry
and I'm so used to feeling how you feel
good and bad

because we used to hold each other
when I cried that one day
after finding out I didn't get that job
or when I felt like a failure.

you held me
you held me up.

you would kiss me and inject your strength into my mouth through your lips
and I would feel
invincible
because you were there next to me.


but now I'm angry
because you're angry.

and I have been trying to fix everything like you used to fix me
i want to pick you up off the floor
and
hold you in my arms

and kiss your forehead
and tell you it's okay.

even if it's a lie
and even if kissing you would be the worst thing i could do.

i want to inject that strength back into you
because now,

i think you could use it more than i could.

i wanted you to know
that the other day,

i went ice skating           in St. Paul.                      

in the middle of the city.

                                             (there was an old man that looked like Santa doing beautiful graceful twirls,
                                                         two teenage girls holding hands, one was blushing
                                                                         lots of little kids falling down, and laughing as they got back up)

and i thought "you would have loved this."

you would hold my hand
like all the other couples
and i wouldn't be cold

                                                           ­     at all



you would have looked right through me
with your jaded eyes
and smiled beautifully




(i would know that it was me making you happy)

your hair growing back
and your lips all mine to kiss


and i wouldn't miss you so much.

My black gloves, coat, boots
Make me thick and heavy and slow
I am trudging through this white brick wall
I am tired and dripping.
This snow is ungainly
As it piles on top of the dead
Black, are the silhouettes of branches on drooping trees

Car crash.
Car crash.
Car crash.
I had forgotten that snow makes death unforgotten.
I am a beacon of safety
Inside my warm hut
With my life and my body, attached still.

Snow, sky, same thing.
Both a shocking white,
The color of the white light
Of death, reflected in a black lake
Swallowing everything else whole.
An insulting shade of pale,
Unimaginable in the middle of November.

A white bleached ivory
Your knuckles are that color white,
Bloodless
As they grip the wheel
But your fingertips forget how to drive
Your mind loses all the knowledge
You have gathered over your twenty three years

Your secure little buggy
Is no longer secure
No longer out of harm’s way.
The permafrost inching its way under your wheels
You are a little child learning how to walk,
Slipping and falling,
Reaching for your mama

You really don’t want to go over there
REALLY don’t want to go over there.
Because over there is the ditch.
And you scream “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO”
But who are you yelling at? No one can hear you.
You’re all alone in your little buggy
And the snow muffles you anyway

And you are upside down
god is grabbing you by your ankles and shaking you
Hoping for money to fall out of your pocket
And then you’re right side up
And then upside down
And your brain is sloshing and slopping
All over the upholstery

And the red is all over the windows
Thick paint, splashed over the cracked panes
Your hands are covered in your own gore
Gushing from your thighs and stomach
And you are making so much noise
Why are you yelling?
No one can hear you.

And now you’re dead.
The air in your punctured lungs is frozen.
The blood on the window is turning rusty red crust
And the people in the little buggies next to you
Are watching you as they pass by
Some even fold their hands and pray
But they shouldn’t take their hands off the wheel.

I have never touched you.
I have wildly laughed, bent
at the waist, hair
hanging - shaking laughter.

You have seen my garden,
we have circled it. Bare patches of dirt held up by crooked wood planks, they were here when i moved in, i just put up the chicken wire.
I told you what I wanted to grow in my soil.
I told you about my truce with the weeds - creeping charlie that
grows beautiful tiny purple flowers and heals your stinging nettle if you yank up the small round leaves and rub them on your skin, turning it green, but
also choke out my radishes.

I have seen you sweat -
on a bicycle on a hot
day - you look at
me - exasperated.
   And joyous.
Under your helmet, beads
of moisture gently sliding down your hairline.
You are gorgeous. And you
may or may not know it-
But when you smile at me,
my heart smiles back.

You feel like forgiveness.
You feel like inner peace and hope.

Your gentle quiet vulnerability
   has me weeping

                relief
                 joy
                 grief for my past
                                     selves.
A deeper understanding of
myself and of love and connection.

A spiritual journey, - is all
life is.

you'll have heard how the city once
ended in fire. The buildings crumbled
and shook and mothers clasped their
children close, not aware that they would soon cease to exist.
And the fathers with
the strong outside, terrified inside looks on their faces, as their
eyes tried to float up to gaze
at the flames, but the ashes
floating around would sting as
they flew down from the
sky, that was also on fire.
And the only thing to be heard
was screaming and crashing
and sirens and it was

                                 SO LOUD

that it actually seemed silent.
                     and then it was.

and everything was done, gone,
    dead and silent.
no noise. at all
not breathing
not wind
not birds, not crying, not talking
it would **** you

Tu me ves como una mujer muy fuerte (you see me as a strong woman
Estoy feliz y fuerte y feminista (i am happy, strong and feministic
Mi ****** es mi major amiga (my ****** is my best friend
Juntos somos activistas (together we are activists

Mi pelo esta corto y tengo confianza (my hair is short and i have confidence
Te aparecio como una esposa, hija, hermana, amiga. (i appear to you as a wife, a daughter, sister, friend
No me pinto. (i don't wear makeup
Mi cuerpo es bonito y no me interesa que otras piensan. (my body is beautiful and i don't care what others think

No necesito hombres en mi vida. (i don't need men in my life
No se amo mi novio (i don't love my boyfriend
Ni mi padre(nor my father
Me abandono.(he abandoned me

quiero a mi mama (i want my mother
Mi hermana(my sister
Mis amigas (my friends
Y mi vida. (and my life

Pero, en la noche (but, at night
Cuando estoy solo (when i am alone
Mi espejo transforma en un monstruo. (my mirror turns into a monster
Mi pelo es largo asi que puedo esconderme detras. (my hair is long so that i can hide behind it

Pienso que no puedo estar solo (i don't think i can be alone
Estoy triste sobre mi padre, (i am sad about my father.
Me abandono. (he abandoned me
Me odio. (i hate myself

Mi cuerpo es mi enemigo. (my body is my enemy
Solo quiero dormir y comer (i just want to eat and sleep
Mi vida significa nada (my life means nothing
Mi cara es diferente (my face is different

Cada dia (*every day

They were scattered all over my house,
                                                      in a mess. An explosion of you, everywhere
I took the old plane tickets to Texas
                                 the movie stubs from a year ago
      these letters, in smudged envelopes

                          I found homes for them.
Tucked away safely in places I can find
                                                  them again.
I like to take them out
              hold them in my hands,
                                        feel memories wash over me

of warm sun on my red hair,
of tears salty on my lips
of your beautiful fingers around mine


I put my music in its case,
        my poems on the shelf,
              my love on the windowsill

Taking the parts of my past that I don't like
              giving it away;
                                        some goes in the trash.
                                                (but I know I won't miss
                                                                ­  any of it.)
I need to make room
     I need to make space
               for the letters, movie stubs, plane tickets
I need to make room for
                       new memories
                               with you.

A new future

                         with you.

when i came back
a few weeks after i broke up with you.

i came back.

we both had to come back home
and we were faced with the reality

that we live in the same building
and we work with the same people


you saw my new nose ring.

I saw your new sweaters.
You were so handsome.

I don't think you will ever really understand
how good you looked.

too good.


you looked too good for me.
you,

           a giant
                            with hands more beautiful than the sea

and the most beautiful smile
       i have ever seen.


you were too good to be true.

or
had i built you up in my head?

what was it that made me end things?


there have been so many mornings where I ask myself that question
and I just can't

remember

I have to stop this, now

too many poems

like in Stardust Memories

I am just a sad person
                    writing about sad


things

                and calling it art



and no one really feels
       what I'm feeling


because it is not.
art.


It's just my tears
blurring the words on
        the page

I find myself angry
and near tears
because I fear
that I might not
be able to get over you

When the fear gets to
be too much

I drink or
I find someone
                         else

to keep me warm

but that doesn't always work

either my standards
are too high
or my
self-esteem too low

either
             way

I want you
to come back home

I stopped eating
you would tell me to do so
but we’re not talking anymore
and food tastes like ****

sweetness lingers too long on my tongue and turns bitter
textures feel odd, make me gag


so i’ve been eating soup
which I hate
but you love


which is ironic
because I love you the way you love soup
or the way you love snow

or the way you used to love me, and don’t anymore.

let's just call this a suicide note

                  because that's
           what it should be.

If I was still who I
           was
                          a month ago

then there would be
     slits up this wrist
and an empty bottle in
       this fist

But instead I can
appreciate
                    that I don't
have more scars.

One day I watched my sister cry
cry big blue tears from
her big green eyes

and I wanted to take
care of her

the way i could never
      take care of myself

because this black smoke
fills my lungs until
I can't stand up

and i live my life
through the girls that
wear 4 inch band-aids
on their wrists.

I miss it

      and I can't escape
it.

I want to save you
I wanna shake you

I wanna grab your ****** arm
show you what you
did to yourself

              --what you did
                   to me.

*look at what you're doing to me

deli meats and cheeses
i look past them at soft crinkling smiling faces


and i drink my java
warms up my hands and ******* and i sweat
in my coat


walking up and down the isles

I see trail mix
and sunchips

and sweet sweet sweets
the yummies

that i adore

chocolates
especially

dark chocolate cocoa orange cherry strawberry berry red brown

it's the sweetness and saltiness
of summer time ice cream

It's the cold crispness
of carrots and snap peas

It's the warmth and comfort
of big muffins and a plate of hashbrowns
at Perkin's
after a stressful morning



spice smells
of pad tai noodles


sourdough bread, fresh baked
crunch crunch on the outside
soft hot squish
inside
(save that part for me, i eat them separate
-you laugh)

how many times did we
laugh
about how you ate that bug
and we were never picky



cherries
all those cherries.





we ate nutella
on bread,

washed it down with cold organic orange juice
from a cafe neither of us had ever heard of

and tofu
tofu tofu

always cooked perfectly (we wondered how they do it)
(i still don't know)

chocolate, melting slowly

"you missed some."

-------just an excuse to kiss me.
i giggle


peanut m&m;'s

turn my tongue colors.

Watermelon at a potluck
wedding cake
cheesy potatoes
and an extra helping of bread
(we laughed so hard at the white bread, squished into a cube)

ruby red
made you wince

I drink it straight from the bottle
and smile

remembering every kiss
that tasted of grapefruit
in that tent

every kiss that tasted of salt
from the eggs?
or from the sweat on your lips

the sweat on your lips.

we kiss more
i smile into your lips
i remember that, especially

we never got sick of each other
nutella on everything, now.
especially on s'mores


i smile with every memory




i put my hands in pockets, the cold rushes to meet my face
in the ice cream aisle

i cool down as i graze
through the tubs or corn syrup and double churned triple churned
cream with extra fudge

sherbet

i chuckle to myself


memories memories
of sitting up high
with you,

sand on our toes
chocolate caramel fudge coffee
on our tongues

love

in our hearts


you remember.

the taste of that summer

the world is spinning
and I wish I
     could stop *******
             caring about you

I wish i could
stop caring about
the ache in my heart
and the blood
pumping through
            my body

useless until

you come around

When you got out of your
car, eyes exhausted and
red from crying the whole
way home,

                     were you thinking of me?




I was thinking of you.

Sitting in a board room with these people licensed to teach
Talking about education gap like it's some sort of disease
Like it's only the white kid that knows how to read
And only white teachers know how to lead
But i think that some people just forgot
That like america, the classroom is a melting ***
But for years and years it's been boiling too hot
And all the white kids are floating up to the top
While everybody else gets burned
Burned by the system
That just wants them in prison
With petty drug charges
And a better ear to LISTEN
Listen to the cops and the teachers and store clerks
Listen to the president and the creeps that urge him
To cut all the funding for public education

Let's just send em' to prison
That'll teach em'

i made love to myself
on the bed where
we used to sleep
next to each other
just last summer

at first,
to get myself off,
i imagined random men and women in my life
pushing against me
pleasing me

Then,
your face
and your body
intruded into my soft and vulnerable mind

and my moans
quickly turned into
very different sounds

and I felt tears in my eyes

I started to sob
my body grew limp
and i exhaled, pulling out of myself

turning onto my side, pulling the blankets over my body


the makeup from last night running into my eyes

I sobbed

because you are more beautiful
than i

and although months
(which felt like years)
have gone by

I still miss you
                       like we said goodbye
only yesterday


and my fingers
are ugly and sharp
compared to your

gentle slender ******* hands.

where are you

the bees die one by one, i find them frozen on the windowsill
i wonder
if they loved me the way i loved them

i run to the mailbox day after day
and see if there is new love to receive

but what about the days when the bees die?

and there are no letters?

and where are you?

do you ever
think that

maybe we were just too different

to be meant for each other?


i believe in souls.
you are stuck in the mud of being clearheaded and logical

i write poetry
you get frustrated trying to get words to rhyme

i try to fill up this hole in my heart
you never had a hole to begin with

i have scars on my wrist
you tried to fix it because it felt wrong

i have so much hurt in my heart
and you



...
and you

and

well
i guess you do too.

the
      smoke
         fills his lungs
           like a smokestack.
                   the butts litter
                             ashtrays like
                    little potholes of ash
           throughout
                        his room.
              stacks upon stacks
          of the disgusting things,
brownish yellow- just like
           the **** on his
                            teeth.
                              
                                 his
                            breath
                                smells
                               and tastes
                                      as if you were
                                 lying facedown
                            on the hot
                              pavement, tongue
                            to the ground
                      gravel, dirt and gasoline
         on your tastebuds.
                  he burns
                             he yearns
                          for the fix.
                   when he works on his car
                       in the hot sun,
                             his fingers shake
                   unless he's
        holding a smoke.


                                           And every day when she comes home
                                            she kisses him full on the mouth and
                     breathes
                            
                          it
                              
                           in.

in the air,    in the blue sky
      The same sky I often look up at
but I find myself looking down
   watching cars become specks then -

                                         disappear.
Endless horizon,
                         that blur of white and
          sea green, then
                            the clearest blue
                                   the perfect sky.

The earth is so much larger
                    than I can possibly
                         comprehend.


       Much like your love for me