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michelle reicks Aug 2011
alright.
so i'm determined to write about something other than this boy
because i keep writing poems about him
and they basically all sound the same

because i think maybe i'm desperately in love with him
and he hurts me
all the time without knowing


but i'm going to write this poem about something else.
i'm going to talk about grocery lists

and cell phone numbers
and matching pale blue shirts
and push up bras that make me blink rapidly.

garage sales where i buy a wallet, a movie or two, a dress with a stain
on the top left shoulder


but it smells really nice.




and vegetarians.
why are they all vegetarians?

i'll talk about
tall glasses of cold milk
and little old ladies with bonnets on their heads.
how could anyone steal from her?
it broke my heart to see her cry as she spoke to the police officer.

i'll talk about not wearing ******* on a sunday night at the computer
wearing that dress with the stain
that i bought at the garage sale (smells like clean laundry and my fifth grade teacher)
and an uncomfortable bra

my scalp is itchy



i'm going to write about new york.
it's so ****** far away
but movies make me feel like i live there.
and movies that are set in minnesota(my homestate)
make me feel depressed and angry
(like NewInTown,Juno ***** that crap. we aren't like that.)




wow, this poem ***** even worse than the ones about that boy.



life is funny that way
michelle reicks Dec 2011
this pit in my stomach





lets me know

that i am freaking
the ****
out.

it feels good.
insanity is running through the roots of my hair


when i remembered today
that you are probably
shaving your *****

in preparation


for Elisabeth



I'm rooting for you, you disgusting weasel.
i hope it's the best ******* will ever give anyone


and i hope it means

nothing to her
michelle reicks Jun 2013
there is always a trail of men behind me
wagging their tails like little dogs

panting.

hoping that i will throw them a bone



but it is about ******* time that they realize that i'm allergic to dogs

and that the only one i want curled up in my bed at night

is my lost boy in texas,
with all of his warmth and beauty
michelle reicks Dec 2011
It's My Specialty.




get in line
i'll break your heart

i'll make you think you're the best thing to ever happen to me

and then i'll cut you open-
leave you colder

than you were before
you met me.

i'm so good at making mistakes


i'm so good at hurting people

so, get in line
for just two months of your time

i'll break you to pieces
michelle reicks Oct 2011
Get out of here
take your sweet hair
                 deep voice
                 stupid eyes
get out of this bed
                 it's only mine now
I'm sickened by my thoughts
are racing much faster than
this poem
I'm mad
and I'm missing you
I'm crying
I'm wishing you would call
I'm daydreaming of self
                                        mutilation

just to distract myself

        I haven't felt this
good
        Since I was 13
michelle reicks Dec 2011
you never deserved any of this


i can't take it back
i can't take it back



regrets

fill me
freeze my insides
like a minnesota lake

i have no excuses

                              i traded them for
                                                  a million "i'm sorrys"


stabbing me in the heart

prodding at my limp wrists

asking me


"are you dead yet, you stupid girl?"




I want to hurt myself
for hurting you



so here's a shovel
here's some rope
tie me to the back of your car
drag me
back to mankato

standing outside
bitter cold
eats at my ears
and fingers



when i hurt myself
the way i hurt you

when your pain
becomes my pain
                                                             this is the only way i know how to fix it




                 frostbite
                          tastes like forgiveness
michelle reicks Jan 2012
love always ends with someone getting ****** over-

you said.

well, i guess i want to know-
-need to know-

was it worth it?





     before you go
allow me

to slap that cigarette out of your hipster mouth


and whisper

"when you grow up,

i hope you're better than you are now"
michelle reicks Sep 2020
Rise   Fall

Day   Night

Love   Fear

Yin   Yang

Lightness   Darkness

Death   Rebirth

Inhale   Exhale

Connected   Disconnected
michelle reicks Jan 2016
I said I couldn’t imagine my life without you

and now you have forced me to do the unimaginable

it’s bleak, dark, lonely
full of fake smiles and 2 am binges
stomach aches and head aches and back aches, nausea
this weird urge to chop off all my hair and send it to you in a box
along with all your ******* letters with that little three word lie printed on every page
in your small beautiful handwriting

no sleep,
and when sleep happens
I wake up with a tiny speck of disgusting hope that this was all a dream
and it fades back into reality like a dark shadow over my bed

like my makeup smearing into my skin

dying my cheeks black


you’re gone

and you’re never coming back



if my empty chest was a house
I’d burn you to the ground
Dec 11, 2015
michelle reicks Oct 2011
minnesota grasses
grow to fifty feet tall
the sun shrinking behind them
the colour of birth
and souls

and as it disappears,
I travel,
grow
closer and
closer to the man

I have been thousands of miles
away from
these past four days (felt like years and months and loneliness unending)
this ****** bus driver with the
bald spot on his head

is only driving 68 miles
                    
                                 per
                                    
                                    hour..


I could be running faster.

                                into your arms
michelle reicks Oct 2011
My hands are grody
from touching my
aching face

there is dirt
underneath my fingernails

from digging my
own grave




this hole isn't

deep enough yet.







keep digging
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I remember when
ice was glass and the sky flew
That line makes no sense

Haikus are dific—

Haikus are quite hard.
This poem is total crap…. now.
….
refrigerator.

I ponder meaning
and the purpose of haikus.
A watermelon.

Seven syllables
what is the point of these things?
I am so bored now

just saying the words
omitting lines that make sense
‘cuz of syllables

I should just give up
But it’s finally easy
Okay, maybe not
michelle reicks Jun 2011
our voices
blend like Robert's and Alison's
even when we're not singing
even when you are making
little grunts and i am
making breathy
             moan love
                        moans

and those sounds make me
want to cry just like
Robert and Alison
make me cry

     but they are always
                     happy tears
michelle reicks May 2013
since you read my poems
but ignore my calls

i guess this is how i will communicate to you

at least for now


i saw the picture.
i'm happy for you.

but it's hard to be happy for you

because seeing you happy
just reminds me of how ******* miserable i am.


it just puts a pit in my chest,
because we could have done these things together.

in january, i went on this journey
to discover who i am

but all i've figured out
is that i'm weak.
i change who i am to get people to like me

i'm fake
because i'm terrified of being alone

and being someone else is easier than dealing with the fact that i hate who i am


but you
you saw me


and you looked past the **** ****** up thirteen year old irrational illogical insane girl
that i am
deep down
and you loved me for the person i always wanted to be

and i appreciate that so much
because no one else has ever done that.

and i think it's just hitting me now, at this moment,
while writing this

just how weak i really am.

how pathetic i am as a human being.

how i need someone to tell me how to act

and it's all so hypocritical
because i'm supposed to be this strong feminist
and here i am,


sobbing
because you don't need me anymore.

and i still need you
or someone

because i can't figure out

how to love me for who i am.


because this girl,
i hate her.


this girl

could never be happy without someone holding her up
her
michelle reicks Aug 2011
her
crazy porcelain white reflection
I stare at it, at her.
feel the tiny pulses
in my neck slowing
          to short tick
            tocks
michelle reicks Feb 2012
she's the girl that drinks too much coffee


the girl with the long skirts

she's the girl that looks through you, blankly
(when she's looking into the thing you don't want her to see)


she is the girl with sticky fingers.


the girl with honey love colored eyes



she's the girl that wonders who wrote all that mean stuff on the bathroom wall
who is becky?
why is she a gootch?

...what is a gootch?


she's the girl that has hair like
silk
halfway down her back

it covers up her spine
which pokes through her sweaters

and sometimes her overalls.


she's the girl that gets up early and stays up late
because she thinks sleeping is a waste of life



she's the girl

that begs you

with a single look

to love her



for as long as you can

and when you don't anymore,

let go


she's the girl
that will

understand.
michelle reicks Aug 2011
how do you feel right now?
              
                 delicious
delicious like french fries
             or a crisp apple?
  delicious like me.

                                    but how are you delicious?
delicious like i would take
                           one million licks
to get to the center of the
tootsie roll pop
              
                      oh.
                                      ­    yeah
                                       that makes sense
michelle reicks May 2016
Rainy day phone call
      from my fogged up car
I can hear your smile
                                    it lights up my eyes

                                    I can feel my skin glowing

                                              underneath your fingertips

and tears forming
                                      underneath my eyelashes
michelle reicks Jun 2011
When we were in fifth grade we used to pretend that you were the President.
We’d sit you up on your desk, located on the tallest slide and bow down to you,
And then you’d address the world.

And when I got bored, I’d go pinch the boy I liked
And when he ran away, I’d kick him

But I don’t think I ever kicked you

Because you never ran away


And when we were thirteen
You biked to my house in the rain

And I didn’t even offer you a towel

But you didn’t even kiss me.
So we both can have our regrets, I guess

But now
When we’re sitting in your car
With wind in our hair

We can feel our pasts
Meshing like
The way our lips do

When we sing together


You make my heart, skip
michelle reicks Oct 2011
kissing the paws of
               a wounded teddy bear

          
          I know this is hard
                           for him, too.


                 We both miss

It's easy to miss
It's the hardest to miss


             you
michelle reicks Dec 2012
how do you tell someone
"i miss you"



when your heart aches
when you just think
the words.

i could never bear to say them out loud

i'm worried about even putting them here.


but I do,

I miss you.


and I think about you all the time.


The more I learn about myself,
the more I realize

that I just want to see you again.





now i guess i'll just wait and see.
michelle reicks Sep 2011
if you were items in a box

you could never be
boxers
and old photos

because you wear briefs
and we never take pictures together
and I love that.

you haven't yet realized?.

i don't need to separate you from everyone: two three four twenty six boys and girls that once loved me.

do not ever be offended
by the memories of them that i keep
because the memories of them
made me into the girl that you fell in love with.

can you understand?

you planted a whole *** of red carnations in my heart
never dying from cold snow
or too much rain

you will never be an old heart bracelet

because moon earrings will always stay in my ears


you will never be a shoebox of letters

because i keep yours under my pillow.



you could never be
a christmas box of tears

because i could only ever cry into your chest.

to put you in that box

well, i couldn't.

i can only think of our roadtrip and our laughter


i could never put you in a box

do you get it?
michelle reicks Aug 2011
I have wide hips, a wide waist.
chubby cheeks and
short legs
given to me

by my mother.

she is not a witch.
she has wrinkles, yes
but they do not define her
nor would she let them.

I have no interest in making friends with fish,
small birds,
candlesticks or clocks,
or rodents.


I need human contact to survive.

If you put me alone in a house in a forest,
I will not clean.  
I will not wait to be saved.
I will not ask for your permission to go outside.

I will leave.


I do not need a prince to live happily ever after.

I have short bushy hair
and a ******.
yes, it's there.
underneath my cotton underwear and long lace skirts
that no one is telling me to wear.

I have a sister.
I go to her for advice.
I look up to her and I talk to her about
Everything anything everything

I do not need a prince.



I look up to my mother.
She is not a source of fear,
she is a source of comfort
and relief.


what are We teaching our daughters?

these imaginary princesses
teach our babygirls

to have long eyelashes
to have two inch waists
long luscious hair
*** appeal


and if they don't,

they will never live happily ever after.

If I need all that to get one,

I do not want a prince.

I do not want to be anyone's
cinderella.

I will not chase after anyone
if they choose to leave.

I will weep into my sister and mother's shoulders

But that poor,
poor
princess

will always be chasing
squirrels
to talk to

and men
to be saved by.

When will we teach them to save themselves?


When will they teach themselves
that there is no such thing as perfect
michelle reicks Jul 2013
I'm leaving
      and I'm not coming back

To this town
filled with memories of you
(I would say memories of us,
but I don't really feel
like I was a part of them.)
It was always you.

You were the roots
keeping me here

Until I realized, I am
                     not a tree

I am a bird
            with wings

Wings to fly away with.

And you are gone,
       across the country.

That town would never
feel like home
without you.

I would only fill my time
with meaningless conversations
carried on by people
that don't care about me.

So I'm going home
away from our house

Because that town
is in the middle of nowhere

and it was only ever a "somewhere"

                                                  with you
michelle reicks Oct 2011
if you have ever lived in
a dark place
then you know
                                  that you can't trust anyone
even the feet holding you up are
shaky and unsure
Things are confusing

                and you feel as if

there is no way out
                                       maybe giving up is
                                        the best option

because so far, no one has
shined a light upon you

                      you're not worth it
                      
i'm not worth it

I've never been a weak girl

I've always stood tall, walked tall

No one can bring me down

except myself.
                             I throw myself into
raging rivers
dark graves
impossible relationships

                                            because I somehow
                                             think I can make it
                                                          out.



I've been living in a dark place

Show me the way out
If you are who you
say you are,

take me by the waist
wrap your arms around
                                           my
                              colla
                                             psi
                                                   ng
                                                                      bo
                                                                                dy

Pretty bird

Fly me out of this
hole I've dug




God, a girl needs help sometime


so please
                    help me

lift me lift me life me lift me

                 off of the ground

I know I'm a heavy burden

weighed down with baggage
from my past

but Pretty Bird

If you would be so kind
michelle reicks Oct 2013
we
        push against each other'

       wanting to be held

       the way someone else
                                   held us
                         a long time ago.

and with every
              drunk kiss

             every stupid television
                                                show
                                            we watch
                                               on your sunken couch

every joint we smoke

          you push my unanswered questions

back down my throat

with the tips of your
                       fingers


you make me forget

                that I once
                      loved someone else.


in fact,
                               maybe you make
                                    me forget
                                                 everything



                      until I feel numb.


And maybe,

               just maybe,



                     that's exactly what

                            I wanted you to do
michelle reicks Jun 2011
If you said you loved every single
freckle on my knees
I could tell you that I love
every hair on your chin
because that's true.

but i don't know if i love the hair on your
toes

            it's really odd.

I want so badly to fall for you


but I am so done with

love.

            
             i can't stand it.
i can't stand myself.

if you said you loved every
single freckle on my knees

     i wouldn't believe you.
michelle reicks Jul 2012
i aint got no money
but we can shove each other into the pool fully clothed.
or we can kiss each other with smoke tasting breath
and we can watch those bugs devour that tree
we can play truth or dare until four am, when you fall asleep wearing my *******
or we can walk around town for a while and i can listen to you remember things.
i can put some music on and you can swing me around
when it gets more chilly, i can pinch your ******* through your shirt
we could count my freckles.
that would keep us occupied for hours.
i could write you poems
and you could listen to me read them to you
you could read me lord of the rings.

i could cook you tofu
and you could show me some of your favorite songs
even if they make me want to throw up, kind of.
we could get sunburned together
i could tell you jokes about dinosaurs.
(what do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
tyranosaurus wrecks)
i could tell you about my favorite christmases.
or can we please just pack a picnic to eat on the carpet of my room
pretending that it's not actually raining outside.
I'd like to learn how to say i love you in different languages.
we could lay in that patch of wildflowers next to the grocery store on Rice Street.
i've always wanted to do that.
michelle reicks Dec 2011
I lie in bed
(the one you never got to see-
thank god)

i think to myself

I'll just write until it goes away.


and i think about how

you are probably asleep in
your bed at home

150% oblivious to
how i just

wept one billion
        tears
for absolutely no reason.

Maybe they were for you
maybe they were out of anger
Maybe I was putting on a
dramatic show
                            for my one and only spectator
:

the knife sitting in the kitchen.
michelle reicks Oct 2013
i cried the other day,
laid my head down on the kitchen table and sobbed

no one was home.

no one was home.


i left wet drip drips on this piece of paper

where i was writing to you a letter
that started with
"Alex-"

and after three pages of anger and sadness
and "why are you doing this to me
why would you do this to me
right when i was finally going to be okay"

i ripped it up

and wiped my face

there was a pile of tissues, just like
all those days i cried in your room

when
you would try

try desperately to wipe away the tears


but we would always look
flustered and wet

like we had just run through the rain
michelle reicks Jan 2016
I don’t even miss you

what were you but a person,
any person

to watch tv with, to look at, to sleep next to

just a warm body



that filled the space, with empty words


and in the end, the space was left empty. room was made, but never filled

never to capacity

my heart was forever giving, and never full


and now that you have left,
I don’t miss you



I feel like I should thank you
for allowing my heart to become accustomed
to empty space,

empty

life
Dec 30th 2015
michelle reicks Dec 2011
I'm done



with love.

with you
and
you

and you



and especially
you.


I don't need ***
i don't want
skin

i tear it all
away



and start over



but

please know

that i'm sorry
that i hurt you


but from the start,
i told you

that the boys fall in love with me

and i never love them back.
michelle reicks Jan 2013
because i miss you.

i miss you so much.
i miss your hands
the hands i used to write poetry about

before i started feeling empty again.


and now i feel alive, but it hurts so bad.


and i want to be near you
and smell your scent
and rub my face against your chest

and feel the skin on your back
against the palms of my hands


and your lips against mine


and that's why i don't want you to read this.

because it means that i'm wrong
and scared
and weak.


but if you read this
you would look at me and tell me that i'm beautiful and strong



and i would just keep being angry at myself.




i just want to stop missing you.
please don't read this.



i miss you.
michelle reicks Dec 2011
then hers*
                   are windows made of
                                                        ice,
              glistening with wetness melting in the
                                                             ­         sun


opening her eyes for the first time in the morning,


her soft brown lashes brush against her
                                                             ­        lids
with the softness of
              a *fresh fallen snow canopy bed

                             made just for her

When she looks at you              (remember to breathe)


(it's like she can see all of your mistakes, everything you hate about yourself)



you feel the world
grow hazy around her
the ground falls away
from under your feet

But her eyes are windows
that let all the weather in (leaving her cold&wet;)

if you stare into them long enough,

                                        you'll see the storm

                                                          ­                inside
michelle reicks Aug 2011
if i could tell you everything,
i would tell you with this song.
but i won't sing it to you,
my throat is dry and
aching from crying in my

cold metal framed bed

i feel like coat hangers in the front closet
and clean desks

and pens without ink.

i would sing to you
but i can't hold a tune

i feel like a shampoo bottle
after two and a half months


if shampoo bottles could feel,
i would.


i would feel so much.
the fire and the cold

and the ache
that sweet sweet ache

and i can't figure out which part of me it's coming from.


if i could tell you everything,
i would sing to you
but i am too weak to hold up this sheet music.


i hope you can understand

but i will whistle you the tune
of my heavy heart
beat
michelle reicks Jan 2014
i would see you in the bed, with the blanket tucked underneath your big feet
which would probably be hanging off the bed
because you're so tall.

hair smooshed up against a pillow,
                             naked under the sheets.

you make little sound
                         other than your slow inhale and exhale
sleep suits you wonderfully



and i would take off my cardigan
then my shirt
then my skirt and tights
then my socks
then my bra
then my underwear
and for a few seconds, i would be very cold
              
        but then, i would peel back the sea of blankets surrounding you

and feel the warmth being thrown into the universe by your skin
i would
                   i would kiss your shoulder

pour myself into the space between your arm and your waist

                   and nestle in deep, breathing in your scent
pulling the ocean back over us,
     not giving you a chance to shudder at the cold.

you are

musky and soft, the scent of a log cabin in the woods
                        with bread baking inside

you are warm enough to bake me.

                        and your warmth
fills me up

like a cup of love

that you will pour for me in the morning
michelle reicks Feb 2014
i step into the shower,
my hair flowing down my back

and i hear the bathroom door open and close
-click
           you enter

i ask if you're coming in,

           you pull back the curtain
and you stand there
like a mountain,
          absolutely majestic

your skin warm and inviting

i push my hair behind my ears

you step into the shower
                the stream hits your body

like a waterfall in Minneopa
in the middle of a hot summer day.

you lay three fingers against me,
like an electric current
screaming "I want" over and over.

You bend down to kiss my forehead,
the water spreads over your face

and rushes between my legs

             you kiss my lips

you place your remaining ******* on my waist

I snap back into place:
sitting in a hard plastic chair
listening to a short bearded man
go on forever
about some dead philosopher
who has never touched me.

and again, you are far away
michelle reicks Aug 2011
i've never done this before.

i've never admitted to myself that i need someone
and i have never felt so pathetic because of it.


but holy ****, i need you.


i need you like i  need air to survive


frankly, i was dead from lack of breathing before i met you


i'm so scared that these weeks will turn into months without you
and i'll cease to breathe
again.


*******.
how dare you
make me fall in love with you
i want to scream into your chest and pull out your hair

and then cry

i've never cried this much

i want to push you off a tall building
so my heart will stop feeling

so sad
all the ******* time
michelle reicks Jan 2013
i have no plan whatsoever.

it's not loneliness that scares the **** out of me.
it's the idea that i actually have to face the world now.
i have to work.
and if i get fired, i have to cry (alone) and find a new job.



i needed someone to take care of me.
i needed someone to cushion me if i ever were to fall.

cuz us girls, we're taught that the world is ******* scary.
and that men have it all together.

really, we're just pairing up with the smart kids for the science project because we don't want to fail the class.

instead of realizing that we are the smart kids.
we could do the science project all by ourselves, if we wanted.

i told myself, i don't need a man.

i was lying to myself.

i couldn't even picture my future without someone beside me.

we're told as girls,
someday, a prince will come rescue you.
and you just gotta wait for your prince.


so i got into nice n' easy relationships hoping that it would eventually turn into true love
and in the meanwhile, they would fall for me
and take care of me like i was a child.

if i ever cried, i had someone to hold me.

always.

and for some reason, i thought that made it all better.

it doesn't.

i jumped around, from prince to prince
hoping that it would eventually turn into happily ever after.

knowing that i was too weak to handle the real world by myself.
do i have a life plan?

no. my plan was to find someone to make a life for me.

now i'm straggling behind,
while others were doing hard work at school and making friends and building relationships
i was sitting in a corner with you, fiddling with our priorities.

i don't know what i'm doing with my life.

but i sure as hell am not going to sit around and wait for some prince to scoop me off of my pathetic ***.

every day all i can do is get out of the castle and
get on my black horse

and go.
michelle reicks Jun 2011
I hear water singing,
the different musical symphonies of the rivers,
lakes and the vast ocean sea;

The sweet sorrowful song of the whale--the same song as when I first heard it,
off the edge of a boat in a yellow rain jacket when I was less than nine years old,

The children laughing as tadpoles swarm gaily around their tiny toes--the cream colored foam swallows their legs up to their knees in the orange midday sun,

The chirping of a dolphin, kissing the deep blue waves each time it leaps,

The seahorses galloping and neighing in the salt sea and the catfish purring and licking their paws in the lakes of Wisconsin and Minnesota,

The seagulls calling to the fish to leap out of the water to become breakfast,

The sobbing of the naked woman in her bathtub at home, the suds up to her pink neck--toes turning to raisins,

The deep bellowing of a cruise ship, filled with all of the people laughing inside its belly,

The ocean whispering against the sand as the moon is gazing into the largest mirror in the universe,

The sun singing loudly in the morning time, peeking above the horizon and pulling back the curtains of the night, greeting all of her lovely friends; bold, sweet, and strange.
michelle reicks Aug 2011
love is not what is crazy
love is not hysterical

                                         or insane

love is not giving up
or pulling away

love is not a scary or
confusing thing
    ve is affection
lo

love is your favorite pair of pants
that fit just perfect
love is Meryl Streep and Morgan Freeman

love is walking through the woods
and it starts to snow

leaning your head back, snowflakes float onto your tongue



love is selfless
love is selfless
love is selfless


love is the thing that
knocks at your door.
.
michelle reicks Dec 2011
you were alone.

you needed someone

i was available (maybe too available)

you thought you loved me.

and then you realized you didn't.

and you didn't want to hurt me.

so you carried on

pretending


because it was easier.




It's okay.






                  **I probably would have done the same thing
michelle reicks Jun 2011
So right now I’m confused
Reading Howl is a lot
of work
   But I’ve heard
that it’s worth it.
But I’m distracted
by the stubble on my legs
and my sharp toenail digging against the
inside of my fetid weakened shoe
and how my mouth tastes
like sour milk


I should have
brushed my teeth.
I’m distracted by the macabre yellows and
emerald greens swimming in my head
I’m being thrown off by the ads
and the sadness
and the media
that is inescapable.
by the *** and the commercials and the products and the stores
so inhuman
like I used to be
before I learned how to breathe.
I’m vomiting.
I want to crash through the ceiling of the people living their
maddening
bitter lives in the apartment below mine
and I feel light in my head
like it might float away,
filled with air.

But my legs are so heavy

Like anchors
just begging to break

through the table that I’m
sitting on


And now I’m thinking
about death.
how did Ulysses S. Grant
feel about death?

It makes me wonder
I hate wondering about things
because I never come to the right conclusion
I can never figure it out
how does death work?

does it hurt?
is there
a period of time where you
know that in a few
moments, you will cease to
exist.?- - - (except to those that
find your body, naked and wet
on your roof top)
How did you get
up there?
I floated
you can’t float
Yes I can.
michelle reicks Feb 2012
you smell like a mix of all the men that came before you

like axe

like onions and garlic

like dirt

like man sweat

like an ******

like a muddy lake (i squish that gunk between my toes in pure ecstasy while cupping a tadpole in one hand and holding my dress up with the other)

a little bit like cigarettes (and you remind me of the music i once had in me(i think i'm losing my poetry)



you smell a little like a deck of cards
you smell like
a hot tent


you smell



like your couch
where i fall asleep sometimes
michelle reicks Aug 2011
sometimes i get so angry
at the men around me
spewing out words without intent
since when is it okay to call me
a *****?
michelle reicks Jul 2011
well
yesterday


you wiped my slate clean
i was reborn.
baptized


in a lake of sweat and happiness and tears.
mostly
your tears.

my ducts have been dry for days,
for days
days.
i had forgotten how to cry.
i turned myself off from feelings

to save myself from the pain of losing him.
but i still feel it.
little pangs, here and there.

and i hope you understand, because i can't help it.
i can't remember the last time i felt something other than content

when did i last feel pain?
mourning
grieving is hard work
and i'm too lazy to be sad about
anything, really.

i want something to tear my lips off
and pluck out my eyelashes

or run over my kneecaps with a truck

so i can feel connected to my own pain.


like i used to be
when i was 13
and suicidal

but at least i was human
michelle reicks Dec 2011
stop liking me

stop enjoying my company

stop thinking that my hair is pretty

stop telling me that I'm special

stop it
                 right
                           there.

stop looking at my lips

stop laughing at my jokes

stop missing me

stop calling every night

stop being so **** nice.

        *I'm not worth

           the inevitable pain

               that i will cause you.
michelle reicks Mar 2013
remember when we were teenagers

and you smoked *** and
i cut myself


and your mom hated me
because i'm an atheist

and how in love we were
and how much you made my heart beat

and how we used to make love
at any given second that we could have alone

because our bodies felt like they were meant to fit together


and then i moved away

and i broke up with you
because
you didn't have this list of things i thought i deserved
like a job
a loving family
a good college education
good spelling
a desperate searching want to get out of this ******* place and be something better than you were.


i was selfish
to let you go

but

god, i loved you.
if i have ever been so sure of something in my life,

it was that i loved you.
michelle reicks Jun 2011
We’re running out of time, wasting it
On *** and money and food and sleep.
And we sometimes forget to be happy.
We forget about important things
Like crowns made out of dandelions and kissing in the rain.
But I think I have figured it out.
I had to retrace my steps, start from the beginning

“When I was a kid I used to cut my wrists”

and if that’s not bad enough

I finally grasped that everyone else did too

And I can’t even remember why I wanted to die

But when YOUR daughter is found dead

pumped full of pills

and hate

How do you tell your wife?

do you even remember to cry?

Light up a cigarette

Pour yourself a drink

you try so hard to feel something so you won’t have to think

about the mortgage, the baby, the unemployment checks that stopped

coming last month.

And you’re bored.

But LIFE is not something that you watch.
I get confused when I hear complaints
about the kid next door
because he’s playing his guitar too loud

But his neighbors
never sit and enjoy the music.

There was a dark Friday
When eighteen thousand people were buried or never found in Japan,
and I heard people safe in America saying,
“well, the earth was really overpopulated.”
While I shed a tear for every single soul that would never get to go home again.
And it still didn’t feel like enough.

I’m still trying to figure it out but I know that
We’re just complex connections
of molecules and nerve endings
and blood cells, protons, neutrons.
And we’re NOT going to live forever.

And it’s not our fault that we can’t understand that there is no time to be worried

There is only feeling.
Scared feelings and blue feelings and numb feelings
and the blending of these things,
FEElings

finally create this thing we call love
and no, we don’t understand it.
all we know are
*** and money and food and sleep
and sometimes love gets lost in the days
and no, we don’t always remember that it’s there


I am forced to watch Hate being passed around the circle like a bottle of cheap wine
and everyone takes a sip, because it’s what you do.

And that’s when I plug my ears

contemplating why God didn’t give us instruction manuals

but I’ll try my best to figure it out
michelle reicks Feb 2013
and by that i mean
i am in complete awe of you.

and that's probably why i get quiet when i'm around you.
my brain shuts down
the only ***** in my entire body that works anymore is my heart
the beat quickens and
i can hear my own thump thump
desperately wanting to hold you close enough
so you can hear it, too

blood pumping to my fingertips,
wrapped around whatever i can get a hold onto
to keep from falling---

I get quiet around you
because
i am too engrossed in the feelings that you inject into me,
when you speak
when your gorgeous ruined torn up fingers scatter themselves across piano keys

just the sound of your voice
it seems to resonate in my ears


and i can't help but feel as though my heart might explode
from all the beauty i have stumbled across
in this otherwise, very lonely terrifying world
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