I love you...

i wanted to say these words not because i meant them because i am actually not sure what they mean but more because it has been so long since i have said them to anyone...

even now the words sound wrong coming off my lips but i needed to say it none the less because on some level i was sure if i didn't say it now that i would soon forget how to say it at all...

and at the time i know it wasn't true but the will to add truth to these words is very real and honest because i do very much want to love you...

i just hope that it is within my power to actually love you... and mean it...

I want to imagine dragons into existance
I want to kiss fire to your lips
I want to be shocked back into life
I want to fight my way down from the top
Just to break the status quo
I want to sing in the rain and
I want to dance on the edge of skyscrapers
I want to close my eyes and melt into you
Until the colors of our souls swirl into a new color
I want to smile mischieviously and whisper
"Fin" as the last echoes of my song
Fade away
I want to climb the clouds and
I want to fly through mountains
I want to swim through space and
I want to sail through the deepest depths of ocean
I want to do and be and speak and feel more than
Can be done and spoken and felt
I want to stop the world's rotation
And switch up the planets
I want to achieve the impossibilities and
Do what cannot be.
For it is said
Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.

Past;

When this girl cries,
She doesn't pour her heart out to a diary,
She opens her wrists and bleeds the night away,
Never thinking of what were to happen,
If she were to cut too deep,

Present;

Things have changed a bit,
She's trying to stay clean now,
Staying away from the blade,
As well as the *** she craves,
But she thinks it will all stay the same,
As if she can't quit her pessimistic nature,

Future;

Well to be honest I don't know where she's headed,
That chapter in the book has not yet been written,
But when it finally is written,
I'm hoping its gonna work out on her end.

Can we forget the heart wrenching memory,
Of the day I came out and said you weren't good for me,
The day I set out to change my destiny,
By deciding you were no longer a part of me,
That was what my head was saying anyway,
My heart was singing a completely different melody,
But it was high time we said goodbye,
For it was only getting harder for me,
But I'm still really sorry,
I had to be the one to deliver the heartbreak.

There were wounds covering the small of my back
Where you stabbed me time and time again
I handed you trust
Watched you dice it like onions
The fumes exhausting my tear ducts
Doing everything I can from letting them flow

The knife is on the ground
Rusted and tired
Those wounds have scared over
I know now what I didn't know then
That trust is not to be catered
It is to be earned
You've exhausted your rations
It'll be difficult to watch you hunger for the taste of my trust,
but I am stronger now than I was yesterday
That, I can thank you for