I have no idea
if you're reading
this and

if you are
I would like to apologize

for causing you pain
which would have
inevitably come

           from
my love for you

which,
           I have tried
to make disappear
             but so far;
                      no luck.

one of the most
beautiful people
I've met in a long
                             time

has dark red scars

up her arms and wrists
gorgeous ******
                              up past

just like mine

I want to tell her
that i understand
and first  
              and foremost
   "you're not alone"

it would be
   absolutely
             fantastic
if
       in five years

I could **** someone else

the pain subsiding
        into
         a dull ache
in the back of my
        throat
                 with a kick

the world is spinning
and I wish I
     could stop *******
             caring about you

I wish i could
stop caring about
the ache in my heart
and the blood
pumping through
            my body

useless until

you come around

I find myself angry
and near tears
because I fear
that I might not
be able to get over you

When the fear gets to
be too much

I drink or
I find someone
                         else

to keep me warm

but that doesn't always work

either my standards
are too high
or my
self-esteem too low

either
             way

I want you
to come back home

So
I guess
I will stop here
to avoid redundancy

when i came back
a few weeks after i broke up with you.

i came back.

we both had to come back home
and we were faced with the reality

that we live in the same building
and we work with the same people


you saw my new nose ring.

I saw your new sweaters.
You were so handsome.

I don't think you will ever really understand
how good you looked.

too good.


you looked too good for me.
you,

           a giant
                            with hands more beautiful than the sea

and the most beautiful smile
       i have ever seen.


you were too good to be true.

or
had i built you up in my head?

what was it that made me end things?


there have been so many mornings where I ask myself that question
and I just can't

remember