this year,
i will not kiss anyone
that i don't want to kiss.

i will not let people grind up on my ***
in clubs
if i am not interested.

when my heart races and falls, dead
into the sea of stomach acid
I will scream no
at the top of my lungs

so that you will hear me, for once

I will value
myself
and what i want.


I will actually learn
what i want
and chase it

like horses in
a meadow
running

because they have the most beautiful freedom to do so.


**i will stop being afraid
of hurting you

because, ******

you hurt me too.

your heartache
your heartbreak
your -getting ****** over by some girl that thought she loved you
is so familiar
it's dangerous.




your stories
of hurting people
and calling the cops
and punching idiots waving their ***** around
make me scared of you
in the best way.


you get me

because we feel the world
through the same
(sc)a/rr\e/d skin.

so when the broken glass
gets too much to handle

and the fluorescent lights
are buzzing like ******* bees
crawling all over me
keeping me from sleep


i'll take your advice
and punch holes in the walls

of this ******* life

*I won't take it anymore.

These poems are all about girls like me
the type of girl
that makes you think you're the one, the absolute one
covering your weathered face with kisses
telling you
-you can stay as long as you like.

girls like me


we ******* over
in the end.

we begin by letting you fall for us
when we're not interested.

then we become a little bit attached
to you
enough that we feel guilty
when we leave you

and we're weak
without you
so we beg for forgiveness

and we keep you hanging around

until we find someone
good enough
to replace you.


if that isn't the most ****** up thing i've ever heard

you never deserved any of this


i can't take it back
i can't take it back



regrets

fill me
freeze my insides
like a minnesota lake

i have no excuses

                              i traded them for
                                                  a million "i'm sorrys"


stabbing me in the heart

prodding at my limp wrists

asking me


"are you dead yet, you stupid girl?"




I want to hurt myself
for hurting you



so here's a shovel
here's some rope
tie me to the back of your car
drag me
back to mankato

standing outside
bitter cold
eats at my ears
and fingers



when i hurt myself
the way i hurt you

when your pain
becomes my pain
                                                             this is the only way i know how to fix it




                 frostbite
                          tastes like forgiveness

I lie in bed
(the one you never got to see-
thank god)

i think to myself

I'll just write until it goes away.


and i think about how

you are probably asleep in
your bed at home

150% oblivious to
how i just

wept one billion
        tears
for absolutely no reason.

Maybe they were for you
maybe they were out of anger
Maybe I was putting on a
dramatic show
                            for my one and only spectator
:

the knife sitting in the kitchen.

stop liking me

stop enjoying my company

stop thinking that my hair is pretty

stop telling me that I'm special

stop it
                 right
                           there.

stop looking at my lips

stop laughing at my jokes

stop missing me

stop calling every night

stop being so **** nice.

        *I'm not worth

           the inevitable pain

               that i will cause you.

It's My Specialty.




get in line
i'll break your heart

i'll make you think you're the best thing to ever happen to me

and then i'll cut you open-
leave you colder

than you were before
you met me.

i'm so good at making mistakes


i'm so good at hurting people

so, get in line
for just two months of your time

i'll break you to pieces